Life with Two in T.O.

I drank the kool-aid and it's pretty good!

2012-01-26T19:00:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I went to a Scentsy conference in a suburb of TO. It was a blast! I got to meet lots of other consultants including my awesome director among other amazing women. I can only hope to one day be as successful here in TO with my Scentsy business as she has been in Calgary with hers. I came home really motivated to make a serious go of this new thing I've started. My husband's reaction was "you really drank the kool-aid, didn't you?". Joking, sort of. He is really supportive but he also thinks maybe I've been brainwashed just a bit. Maybe I have, but in a good way. The way that makes me believe that anything is possible if you put enough work and passion into it. Well I have the passion down I think because it's a great product. Now I just have to put the time in. The good news is, I'm a lot more willing to try to MAKE the time for this than I have been for some previous endeavours....ahem...steno :)

So far I've had one real "party" and did pretty well, but the key thing is, it was also FUN. I've sold a few items here and there to family and friends and have two parties coming up. I've also got a couple of salons interested and a couple of potential recruits. So it's looking good, I just need to pound the pavement some more.

Life has been pretty much absorbed with trying to get that off the ground. Other than that...CW's behaviour has been less than stellar lately. DH has been away a lot which is really difficult on all of us because my attention is divided further and both kids have to go a lot more places instead of being able to use the "divide and conquer" strategy we frequently make use of when both parents are around! Last night we had a pretty bad episode in the parking lot of the place where CW takes karate. I had no choice but to take AK along for the ride which CW was so NOT happy about. CW resorted to his old ways and there was kicking and hitting and biting and it got pretty ugly.

He eventually calmed down enough and went to his class. I thought we were over it, but then today when I picked him up at school I was informed that he had pushed a grade one kid!! And then, threatened another one saying "I'm going to kill you". Great. I guess he wasn't over it after all. We chatted about it and DH chatted with him about it but we just don't know what to do to make sure he stops and thinks about things before reacting. But then, I guess that's all what ADHD is all about, but I still find it really hard to comprehend. In any case, I hope it really is over now and we can all move on and forward. He is doing really well at his behaviour group that we've been attending, and the parents group has been remarkably therapeutic for me as well. So, onwards and upwards. All around.

New beginnings

2012-01-13T07:52:00.000-08:00

I know it's January 13th, Friday the 13th even. But it's taken me until now to really get back into routines and get started on some new things for 2012.

Firstly, I've signed on as a consultant with Scentsy, a great company that has been in Canada since 2009, and in the US for longer. Now that I'm getting into it, I really with I'd signed up sooner because, as with any direct selling enterprise, the sooner you can get in the better. But that said, I'd like to think that for the GTA area I'm still getting in at a good time and there is a lot of potential. I really love the products because they smell SO good and are reasonably priced. This isn't a sales pitch, but if anyone's reading of course feel free to check out my site. Just saying that I've never been that tempted to get into direct selling because the products sold by other "party" companies never really appealed to me this much before. Anyway, it's something new to do, not that I needed more to do, but there you go.

Second, starting next week, I'm going to be a volunteer at Sick Kids hospital here in TO. I've been wanting to do something to give back for a while, and though it isn't much, I think spending time with sick kids will be a great experience for me, and hopefully them too. Also, since I was born very early way back when and spent time in an incubator at Sick Kids, I have a bit of a soft spot.

I'm going to visit my dad today for the first time in a while. I've had a cold so didn't want to expose him to germs but now it's pretty much gone so should be okay. My mom says he is still having a hard time eating and exercising enough so recovery is uber slow. I don't know if I can get him up and eating today, but I am sure going to try. I can't stand seeing my dad like this. I mean, I know he is old, but just a few short months ago, he didn't seem old at all. He was playing with the kids and doing things and totally independant. I can't stand to think that this may be the time that he doesn't get back to being the person he was. I know that time will come, but I'm just not ready for that time to be now.

Anyway, I'm hoping 2012 is going to be a good year for all my friends and family. I know I've already said Happy New Year, but it's been so busy until this point I haven't really sat down and thought about it much, so I feel like I need to say it again. So, Happy New Year. Again.

Yesterday; Florida. Today? Coldwater!!

2012-01-07T15:53:00.000-08:00

I am happy to report I survived my 4 days of solo parenting in Florida and made it safely back to Toronto with both kids yesterday afternoon. I was really looking forward to crashing and having an uber lazy weekend at home, however, that was not to be. Not that the alternative is too bad of course. My mom decided to go up North to their cottage in Coldwater and we asked if she wanted some company. So last night I unpacked all our shorts and t-shirts and repacked a bag of warm clothes so we could leave this morning for Casa Barco, their cottage near Coldwater, Ontario. My mom also went skiing today and we could have joined her but after travelling yesterday I just didn't have it in me to try to get all the kids' ski gear together and get out of the house in time for that this morning.

So here we are up North chilling and BBQ'ing our dinner. The kids are watching a movie and all is blissfully quiet. Even the dogs - there are two of them including our Snickers and my mom's dog Schnitzel - are calm. Looking forward to another calm day and night before the chaos of the new year really begins anew.

My dad is at home with a nurse who comes daily to help out and make sure he is okay. He is recovering, albeit pretty slowly. Hopefully that will speed up as he starts to eat more and exercise. Here's to a better 2012 than 2011!

2 days down, 2 more to go.

2012-01-04T13:21:00.001-08:00

Of solo parenting, on vacation that is. Still in FL with the kids. And about losing my mind! Again, I know I can't elicit much sympathy from anyone over being in FL. But actually for FL it is rather chilly so it's not like we can just hang by the pool or go to the beach all day.

Yesterday I braved taking them to a movie; Chipwrecked. Miss it if you can. But the real highlight was the huge argument before we even left the house to go to the movies over what food we would get once we got there. It wasn't a lighthearted discussion as one might expect for such a topic. Oh no. there were tears, and stomping and crying. Who would get gummies and if we could just get a giant tub o popcorn and share and who would get what drink and who would sit where. I almost called the whole thing off, only for the fact that if we stayed home I would have to deal with them all afternoon.

Once the movie started at least I didn't have to listen to them bickering, but sadly I had to listen to the Chipmunks singing which is almost as painful. After the movie, because I'm a glutton for punishment, I decided to stop at Whole Foods for some fruit and veggies because we were already out and it was on the way home. Bad idea. The kids screamed and yelled all over the place and it was just really embarrassing in front of all the yoga granola moms that frequent that place, especially here in South Florida.

Today we asked a kindly friend of the family to hang out with us and go to Sugar Sand Park. It's a little playground that also boasts a carousel ride and some neat features. That went relatively well. Until it was time for the car ride home. Then the bickering began again. CW would not stop fiddleing with AK's carseat and she wouldn't stop screaming at him to stop, even though if she would just ignore it she probably couldn't even feel what he was doing. It got so bad that they were both crying and screaming and I could barely concentrate on the road. It went on. And on. And on. To the point where when we finally arrived home, I left CW in the car and put AK in the house and sat on the porch for a few minutes just to calm down. Then I sent them both to their rooms where they still are and I'd really like to not let them out. Until tomorrow morning. At least. I guess I better feed them before doing that huh? So that was fun. I had all these ideas of things we could do and places we could go tomorrow but honestly I think I will just stay home and lock myself in my room if I can't stand it anymore. Mom Fail! I know. But for some reason this vacation feels very long. Oh right. I'm alone with my kids!!! Yeah!

Oh one more thing...I got a couple of comments on my last post about how I'm terrified to take my kids to a "gargantuan American grocery store". Mostly people thought it was funny. But I just want to clarify, it's not like our stores at home in Canada are tiny or anything, wouldn't want to start any false rumours! It's just that at home I know my way around and can generally get in and out pretty quickly without losing my kids. That is when I can't avoid taking them there at all. Because I don't really enjoy taking my kids to any type of store, gargantuan, tiny, or anything in between! It's just NOT fun.

So it's Wednesday, and we leave Friday for home. And yes, this is one time I think I may actually be looking forward to going home from vacation. I'm not looking forward to the cold weather that will greet us. And of course I know how lucky we are to even be here and be able to go on vacation, it's just that it isn't the same without the whole family here and my parents being at home and my dad being sick and so on. So this time will be home sweet home I think. I hope.

Don't feel too sorry for me...

2012-01-02T14:27:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone! This year we actually had a lot of fun celebrating new year's. We went to Delray Beach, a town about 20 mins away from my parents' place in FL. They had a First Night celebration. The highlight of the night I think was watching the kids run around on a gigantic bubble wrap "floor" that had been put down for the event, while they sprayed millions of bubbles into the air. It was really unusual, yet surprisingly a lot of fun! The kids also got to do some crafts and have fro-yo and then we watched a great fireworks show. At the end they sprayed ping pong balls into the crowd, and did a countdown at 9pm for the kids. We then went back to the house and put AK to bed and then DH, CW and I watched a combination of Dick Clark and Anderson Cooper. I had hoped to see my tweets on Anderson...but it wasn't to be. In any case it was a fun night. The last two days were spent in a pretty lazy way, mostly lounging around with a little shopping thrown in. But sadly, today DH had to go back home due to limited vacation time.

We got back to my parents house in Florida a little while ago after dropping DH at the airport for his flight home :( I'm not happy about this. The original original plan was that my parents were supposed to be here so we'd have a week in the sun with a little grandparental company (and free babysitting to boot). Then the original plan was that if my dad was stable enough, my mom would come down and keep me company for a few days after hubby left. But neither of those was to be.

The good news is that my dad is home from hospital and slowly recovering. But the fact that he is home means that there was no way my mom could leave and come to Florida. So she is there and we are here. Now I know that being in FL I can't expect any sympathy from anyone....and nor should I...but I can still whine a bit. This is my blog after all. The thing is, being at home solo parenting is one thing. Being on vacation with two kids who fight incessantly by yourself without all the comforts of home is actually more work than being at home. Maybe it's because you expect vacations to be nothing but fun and relaxation and when they aren't....well they just aren't that with kids. In any case, today begins day one of 4 days in FL with the kids by myself. And, again, not that I expect any sympathy, but the weather is supposed to turn cold-ish, which means my thoughts of sitting by the pool watching the kids swim all day may not materialize and I will have to find indoor things to do with them in South FL. Anyone?

I have stocked up on groceries because the thought of taking both my kids to a gargantuan American grocery store freaks me the hell out. Here's hoping I was organized enough in my shopping to get through four days without such an expedition. Lord knows I can't seem to do that at home...but here's hoping. Tomorrow if the weather is bad....I think I may try taking the kids to a movie. Chipwrecked, Tin-Tin, Arthur Christmas, Hugo or We Bought a Zoo are all contenders. If the weather stays bad, we may see them all this week as I don't know much else in the area to keep the rugrats occupied...and myself sane!

So there begins our 2012. Happy New Year everyone!

Next stop....Florida

2011-12-29T10:38:00.000-08:00

In a few minutes we will be heading to the airport to go down to Florida. My dad is still in the hospital but stable and hopefully will remain so while we are gone. It won't be the same without him there because Florida is his favourite place, but he wants us to go and my kids are so excited I wouldn't want to dissapoint them. My mom is still hoping to come down for a few days next week provided my dad is okay, so crossing my fingers that he will be, both for his sake and so we get my mom's help and company next week!

The holiday so far has been pretty hectic. The kids get on each other's (and our) nerves quite a bit. Although I have to say there have been surprisingly many moments where they have played nicely together! Hopefully that continues while we are away...and for the trip down to Florida. In a weird turn of events, DH is on a different flight than us. We had originally planned to leave at 10am this morning when we thought DH had to work today. Our flight got cancelled though and is now leaving at 4:30pm. DH's flight, on another airline, leaves at 5:50pm!! So I get the joy of travelling alone with the kids while DH gets to sit and enjoy the in flight movie. Not. Fair. I really hope they choose to be on their best behaviour because travelling at best can be stressful...and with two fighting kids....worse.

Wishing for nice weather and well behaved kids...for the next 8 days!

The night before Christmas...

2011-12-23T17:41:00.000-08:00

Yeah I know it's December 23rd. But for us, it kind of is the night before Christmas because we have our big family dinner on Christmas eve....tomorrow!! Gah!! I will be cooking my first ever turkey in our new house, and my second ever turkey period. We arehaving my mom's brothers and partner over so tomorrow will be spent mostly cooking.

My dad's surgery finally happened this past Tuesday after much anticipation. After he had been in the OR for over four hours my mom and I really started to panic and fear the worst. Thankfully soon the surgeon came out and told us that the surgery had gone really well, actually much better than he expected and that, though my dad will be in for a long and difficult recover, he will recover. So we were all very relieved and thankful.

However, despite being beyond happy that my dad is okay, it is still kind of sad having him in the hospital for the holidays. He is pretty miserable too. I took some holiday decorations to spruce up his room a bit, but I'm not sure if it cheered him up or actually more miserable to be there rather than at home. In any case at least today he was able to manage a little soup and walk around a bit which is all supposed to be good for healing. There is a risk of infection with the type of surgery he had though, so they do have to watch him closely and sadly keep him in hospital for a while.

As for our Florida trip, as long as my dad is doing okay, it looks like it will still happen. DH is coming with us for the first few days, and if my mom feels okay about leaving my dad, and my dad is okay about her going, then she may come down for a couple days and then fly back with us. Let's hope that my dad is well enough that it can happen that way. Though even if he is, I feel pretty bad about us all going without him, but he says he wants us to, and the kids are really looking forward to it and have been for a while.

So that's where we are now....wish me luck with all the cooking!

Here we go again...

2011-12-17T17:42:00.000-08:00

If anyone's reading I'm sure it's getting a little repetitive around here. I'm so tired of it and I'm living it. My poor dad has been in the hospital all week. He was supposed to have surgery yesterday, but for a variety of reasons, none of which make much sense, his surgery never happened, and now will not happen until Tuesday, by which point he will have been in hospital over a week.

He is miserable and cranky as to be expected and won't even look at the hospital food, not that I blame him of course. Which means my poor mom and sometimes others including myself, have to make sure we provide some other food at every mealtime. I don't mind of course because I want to visit anyway as much as I can, but my mom is running ragged and this can't be good for her either. In any case, he was so ready to just get the surgery over with on Friday and was so discouraged, as we all were, when we found out it wasn't going to happen, and worse yet, that he'd now have to wait another three days in hospital before it could be done.

In any case, it is major surgery and we are all very worried and just want the surgery to be done so he can begin recovering. But also, with the surgery being delayed, there is really zero chance of him being home for Christmas. Not that there really was before, but there was a glimmer of hope. Now there isn't. He'll be spending Christmas and then some in the hospital. And to make matters worse, if someone infectious comes in, he may lose the private room that he is currently very lucky to have. Of course we all plan to visit and make the holiday as pleasant as can be in hospital, but it is just sad all around, and Christmas dinner certainly won't be the same without him at the head of the table. But what's important is that his surgery goes well on Tuesday and hopefully soon he will at least be feeling better.

Today we managed to finish up a bit of shopping and other errands, but I have kind of lost my enthusiasm for the holiday with everything that is happening with my dad. I'm going to do my best to put on a brave face and make this holiday special for the kids, in addition to cooking a big turkey dinner, but it's gonna be hard to keep my heart in it. Also, we are supposed to be going to Florida on Dec 29th. It's also hard to think about that with my dad in hospital. Assuming he is okay and stable after the surgery, we may still go, but I hate the thought of going in case anything happens with him. But I also hate the thought of dissapointing my kids who are really looking forward to some sun and fun. But in addition....the thought of spending 6 days in Florida by myself with my kids kind of scares the crap out of me. You see my mom was supposed to come down for the last 6 days after my DH comes back to Toronto for work, but now obviously that isn't happening which of course I understand. However, my kids can be rather difficult and it is pretty stressful to be on my own with them for so long. Again, single parents I salute you because I can't imagine it!

So that's what's up for today...we shall see what this week brings. It still doesn't really feel like this close to Christmas. Maybe it's the weather or the stress or whatever...but I could sure use an extra week or two before this holiday season! Too bad that ain't gonna happen!

And now we're back down.

2011-12-12T14:08:00.000-08:00

My poor dad is back in hospital and this time I'm beyond scared. He was released without much info last Friday and was not doing well at all every since. He finally got an appointment to see the surgeon today and was immediately admitted back to hospital for some tests and it looks like he will need yet another surgery.

It worries me so much that they thought it was a big deal at first, then they thought it was minor, and now it's back to them thinking it could be a major problem requiring major surgery and a long hospital stay. Also, I just don't like the hospital where he is. I mean, there are many things wrong with our health care system, and I have no doubt that other hospitals are equally overcrowded, but this one seriously looks like 1962 and does not inspire confidence. The doctor was recommended by another specialist that is renowned and he seems like he knows what he was doing, but after the way my dad was released after last week's surgery makes me start to wonder about him as well. My mom is trying to get a second opinion but that also is not easy and especially since they seem to think he needs to be opened up again pretty quickly. I'm just praying that he will this time give us a lot more answers about what they are doing.

I know my parents are old, and let's face it, so am I, pushing 40 and all. But I'm so NOT ready for this. The thought of this really being the end of my dad is almost paralyzing to me. Also terrifying is what it would do to my mom. I don't even want to think about it, but hard not to. Also, my dad's spirits are not high at the prospect of facing another grueling recovery and after losing several of his friends to various ailments this past year, he is not much of an optimist that things will go well.

I seriously hope that all this worry is for naught. Also, I feel guilty for previously worrying about whether or not we'll still be able to go to Florida on Dec 29th with the kids as planned. That is so NOT important in the grand scheme of things. I guess they have to learn that family comes first and sometimes plans have to change.

Another week, another birthday party!

2011-12-03T17:48:00.001-08:00

Whew. I'm wiped. Today we had AK's 6th birthday party. While she doesn't actually turn 6 for another couple of weeks, I like to have her party a little early because otherwise it's just way too close to Christmas and just way too hectic. Not that it wasn't hectic having it today mind you, but at least now it's over and we have a little time to prepare for the holidays.

I keep seeing all these tweets and FB updates and blog posts about how people are almost done with xmas shopping! What?? Really? I thought I was organized....but I guess notsomuch. I do have a couple of gifts for the kids....but that's only because I kind of went overboard buying them birthday presents and I decided to just save some of those for Christmas. Oh well...this week I will have to start shopping. Or at least start figuring out what to get everyone. Oh that and figuring out how we are going to seat 9 or 10 people for xmas dinner at our house on Dec 24th. Oh and how I'm going to cook for them. Yikes!

Anyway....we survived AK's birthday party today. Barely. Next time I even think about hosting a party for 13 little girls and 3 boys and some grownups at my own house, someone please talk, or knock, some sense into me. We had AK's wish to have Princess Aurora (also known as Sleeping Beauty) at our house for one hour, which mostly went smoothly. She sang, played games with the kids and applied makeup. There were a couple of girls though, who will not be invited over to our house again. I couldn't believe the way they were behaving. Serious attitude like they were too cool for princesses and I had to tell them that while that might not be their "thing" they needed to suck it up and try to make it special for my daughter who wanted a princess party.

But the 1/2 hour before she arrived, and the 1/2 hour after she left was pure and utter chaos. Girls screaming, running up and down the stairs, doors slamming, boys yelling at girls, girls screeching, things flying, dog barking nuttiness. By the end of the party, all the adults were literally counting down the minutes until the parents would arrive and rescue us from this insanity. When they were all gone and the house was finally quiet....we had to deal with a serious mess. Both the kids bedrooms, the living room and playroom and well pretty much everywhere were just a disaster. Also, we had told the kids that our bedroom, where the poor dog was put into her crate, was off limits, but they ended up in there and the poor dog went completely beserk. Anyway...we survived and it's over and I'm soooooo happy each kid's birthday only happens once a year! I'm already trying to think of ways to convince my daughter that she'd rather have a getaway with just mom or something special with one or two friends to try to avoid having to do this again a year from now. Sadly my son, who chose a 2 night stay at Great Wolf over a big party, said for his next birthday he wants a big party too after witnessing the insanity that took place today. At least we've got almost a year to try to talk him out of that idea.

It's been a crazy week. Luckily, my dad had his surgery this past Thursday and went home from hospital on Friday. He was doing okay but requires a nurse to change his dressing daily. Today the nurse came and said his incision looked infected. Luckily she was the type to go above and beyond, and was able to get in touch with a resident at the hospital and get some antibiotics prescribed over the phone, thus probably saving him a trip to emergency on a Saturday night. After seeing how short staffed they were at the hospital when my dad was there, I'm so so relieved that he didn't have to go back. In any case there is hope that he will be recovered enough to still go back to FL at the end of the month, but we won't really know for sure for a couple of weeks.

Now....just looking forward to CW going to bed at last so I can crash! Tomorrow we are off to Mountsberg Christmastown. So excited because these tickets are much coveted and had to be procured by lottery in September (or purchased from a friend who was lucky enough to get extras) Let's hope the reality lives up to the hype!

2011-11-27T17:27:00.001-08:00

My BABY is 9 years old!!!

It's so cliche I know...but time sure does fly. And it seems to speed up the older you get. My dad used to always say things like, "you blink, and all of a sudden, your child is 30", and I'd find it really hard to understand. Now, I think I get it. I can remember the day CW was born so clearly still as if it was only a few short years ago. I look at the big boy he has become and think, "how did we get here?" when only yesterday you were a tiny baby struggling to breastfeed and roll over and talk and walk.

This year instead of having a big party with a bunch of kids, CW chose to go to Great Wolf Lodge for his birthday. So Thursday afternoon, I picked him and his best friend up from school and off we went, stopping to pick up his friend's mom on the way. It was a loooonggg drive, thanks to rush hour plus US Thanksgiving. After a quick road side stop for dinner we arrived at Great Wolf just in time to check in and have a quick look around, hit the arcade for a bit, then the boys watched a movie and crashed. And so did the moms shortly after.

CW was obsessed with the arcade. Our strategy was to give the boys a set amount of money to spend and remind them countless times that when it was gone, it was gone, and there would be no more money for the arcade after that. Thankfully the strategy worked fairly well. Both boys used up some of their money on the first night and saved some for the second day. By the time their tokens were gone, they had amassed enough tickets for a boatload of stuff from the "redeem" counter! And luckily they were able to get more than the crappy plastic dinosaurs that they can usually only get with those things. CW came home with a toy airplane, some trick dice, trick gum, a fake police badge and some fangs.

The next morning we hit the waterpark. I was a bit afraid that CW wouldn't go near the waterslides because he tends to be a bit leery of rides in general. But thanks to a little peer pressure, he went on one slide. And then did that same one, over and over and over. But hey..that is better than nothing. In the afternoon we finally convinced him to try the Woolly Mammoth. It is a family waterslide with a big raft that holds up to four people. He pretty much screamed the whole way down but we praised him for trying it and I think he was glad he did, even though he may not have enjoyed it that much! I think his favourite part of the waterpark was the wave pool. He spent a good chunk of time there in the afternoon and was good and tired. The picture above was taken right after when his lips actually turned blue. Probably not a good sign! Thankfully that cleared up pretty quickly after we got him warmed up!

We spent another night watching movies and hanging out and then it was time to hit the road in the morning. I think it was the perfect amount of time there though. One night isn't really enough, two is just right.

Yesterday afternoon we mostly chilled out at home and watched movies. We also baked the cupcakes for the boy's family birthday dinner for today. With Candy Corn. Yup, that was his wish: to have candy corn on his birthday cupcakes! So we made them and ate some candy corn in the process.

This morning, CW had his karate class and at the class they told him he was eligeable to try for his yellow belt this afternoon. So at 2pm he went back for his "grading". DH called me and told me he failed and was really upset! But then it was all a big joke and he had actually passed. I'm so glad he passed but I was worried because I think he may have inherited my overwhelming fear of failure. Hope not. He's going to have to try things and stop being so scared of not succeeding at everything the first time, just not so sure how to do that because I have the same problem!

Today was the family dinner. I think we, and the grandparents, kind of felt the need to go overboard on presents since he didn't have a big party with lots of friends. So he ended up with a lot of loot. I think his favourite gift was the Simon Flash game, that I picked out, I have to add. He didn't seem enthused about it at first, but once he figured out how it worked, there was no stopping him. He also got a DS game from his friend, a big Lego sorter thing and lots of Lego, this creepy candy maker thing and some other Lego and a Canadian Mint collector's set from his grandpa that was also one of the favourites.

So all in all, a pretty good haul and I think he was really happy with it. In general actually he had a really well behaved day and I was impressed with the way he handled the opening of the gifts and everything today. I hope he goes for this type of thing next year...the big party with lots of kids always seems to end in overstimulation and tears and tantrums. Or maybe he is just growing up, who knows, but in any case this was way better for me than having to have the party!

In other news....my dad. He is okay and thankfully home in Toronto. He is scheduled to meet with the surgeon tomorrow to discuss what type of surgery he needs and how soon they can hopefully do it. I'm just crossing my fingers that he can get it done asap and be recovered enough to enjoy the holidays. It just scares me though. With my dad being almost 80 years old, any surgery is a big deal and I just hope that it isn't more serious than anticipated once they open him up. I hope we'll find out more tomorrow.

That's it for now. I'm wiped but happy to have survived another birthday....and looking forward to doing it all again next weekend for AK's birthday. Only this time, there will be princesses! We're celebrating early because otherwise her birthday is just way too close to xmas.

2011-11-19T14:37:00.001-08:00

A bit of Deja Vu

It's been another roller coaster of a week. My parents are in FL and my dad went into the hospital on Thursday afternoon. They think he has a problem with a hernia, not entirely sure. But it took them 3 days for a surgeon who just came today, to establish that by tommorrow, he will hopefully be okay enough to travel back home to Toronto where he will most likely need surgery. I hate having him far away when he's sick and not be able to do anything. Not that I'd be able to do much if her were here, but I could at least visit. And then there's the whole matter of getting sick in the US and having to deal with insurance. Ugh. My poor mom was in this exact situation last March and it was so hard on her. She was the one who had to deal with all the insurance BS while also worrying about my dad. Once again I feel lucky that we live here in Canada...though I have to say....the hours of waiting and waiting to see the surgeon make me a bit angry. I mean, if you're paying for your health care, at least you would think the service would be better than here where taxes pay for it? But it appears...not so much.

In any case...we are crossing my fingers that my dad is ok to travel and gets back here safely within the next few days. And then after that, we'll be hoping and praying that if he does need surgery, that it isn't major. I just don't know how much my dad can take. He has been through so much in the last few years, not to mention he has had several of his closest friends pass away. I just hope he has the strength, both emotionally and physically, for whatever is in store for him in the near future.

I guess there is some good news, though it scares me to even say it. CW has been....actually pretty well behaved lately. He actually seems to be absorbing some of what they are teaching in his therapy groups....how I don't know because he never seems to be paying attention. Maybe I've also gotten some good tips from the parenting classes I've been going to. But here's hoping that he is on an upswing. He got a stellar report card and we are really proud of that, although, he seems to have been able to pull it off without really trying....which is great, but not sure how long he'll be able to keep that up!

AK on the other hand, the "easy" child, the one we thought we didn't have to worry about as much? Her report card was not so great. We were a bit concerned, but after talking it over, we remembered having a similar experience when CW was in grade one....the first report was pretty dismal, but it went up from there. And the thing is....AK has the social skills that we are desperately trying to teach CW. We've had a few conversations about how it seems that the social skills are really what make you go places in life, and not so much the brains! It's true....the people who play well with others tend to go a lot further, and AK definitely does that!

So that's where we are now...hopefully with better news about my dad later this week. We are going to Great Wolf Lodge for CW's birthday this Thursday. He opted for that rather than a big party!

"Just" a mom. And proud of it.

2011-10-18T12:08:00.000-07:00

If anyone's been reading, you may have seen in the last few posts that life has been getting the better of me a bit. Ups and downs, mostly with CW and his various issues. But also myself, struggling to find time for school and wondering if I even care.

Then it occurred to me. For about the past two years I've been sort of deluding myself, and lots of other people as well, into thinking that I have a passion to pursue a career in court reporting. Why yes, it did sound good at the time, back when I was researching possible career options instead of my dreadful past job in advertising. But now? Not so much. For some yes, it can be a lucrative, flexible career...IF you can get up to speed. However...with the limited time and let's face it, limited motivation I put into it...I was NEVER going to get there.

But here's the thing. Even if I did put my heart and sole into it for another year or maybe two and actually got fast enough....do I really think I'd actually enjoy court reporting as a career? I used to think so, but now...again, not so much. I did (and do) think that if I was able to get fast enough and get enough reporting experience that then a career as a broadcast captioner would be extremely cool...however...seriously, to get to that point...you need years of experience as a court reporter first to even be considered for such positions. And I just don't think I have it in me to put that much more into it anyway since I don't really love it.

So I'm at a bit of a crossroads. I've sunk many hours - though not nearly enough to actually get anywhere - into learning to be a stenographer. And also sunk a fair bit of cash. And time and tears. But do I want to sink yet more into something I'm not even sure I want to do? I hate to be a quitter and maybe that is why I've even held on this long. But I think it may be time to cut further losses and move on.

Here's the thing though. If I quit school, I will be JUST a mom. For the past two years when people ask what I do I've been able to say I'm a mom, AND a student. And for some reason even though I didn't care a whit about school it made me feel better to add that "and".

I know right? Being a mom is the hardest, most thankless and demanding job there is. I don't belittle ANYONE else for being just that at all so why can't I bear the thought of being JUST that myself? I have been trying to tell myself that it isn't just that I worry about what others think of me, though really, I do, even though it is sooo sooo stupid and pointless to let that influence you in any way. But also, I care what I think. And my family of course. Will they respect me any less? They say they won't but do they mean it? Why do I have so much doubt and feel like I'm dissapointing everyone, especially myself? I'm doing the most important job in the world. I have to come to terms with that and let that BE enough. For now. Of course there is a lot of doubt now about what I will do in a year, maybe two when I may HAVE to earn some money and now if I quit school....who knows how I will do that if I don't want to go back to the dreaded world of advertising. But I need to not worry about that right now.

What I need to do now is just BE a mom. And be proud of it. There.

Up and down and up again

2011-10-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

Like I said, life's a little roller coaster-ish right now. Yesterday was a really down day. CW bit a teacher and broke the skin THROUGH HER COAT!!! I was mad and upset and frustrated and just didn't know what to do. Thankfully the person he bit was very understanding and said "at least it wasn't another kid". But yeah...still didn't feel too good about things. What set him off you ask? Apparently a kid in grade one asked CW if he was in grade 3. The HORROR!!! (He's in grade 4 in case you didn't know) I can sort of get why he'd be mad. He's the small kid and maybe a little insecure about his maturity. So he pinched the kid's cheek. So a teacher who knows CW's tendency to flip out, stepped in to try to prevent the situation from escalating, and so he got mad at her instead and took a chomp on her arm. I just thought we had made some headway. I mean, yes, he has been known to exhibit such horrendous behaviour on occasion at home with me or other close family members, but he hasn't had an episode like this at school in nearly two years.

Luckily the school acknowledged that he has been so much better lately and this hopefully is an isolated incident. I also reassured them that we are continuing with behaviour therapy - we started one group yesterday - as well as meds, which ahem...may need some dosage adjustments. But ugh. What a crappy day it was. At least until we got to the behaviour group. We got a binder of information about what they will be teaching with the kids and if they are successful in teaching him all that it contains, well that would be just wonderful. But that's a BIG IF. There is a lot in there about listening and paying attention to others, self calming, thinking before acting, handling insults and many more useful life skills which CW has not managed to really pick up just yet. I highly doubt he can get all this from a six week course that's 1 1/2 hours once a week....but hey, if he can improve just a little in any of these areas it would certainly make life run a lot more smoothly.

But while I had almost two hours to kill while CW was at his group, I had just enough time to throw myself a little pity party. I felt a bit alone because while I know I have a lot of friends, I just often feel like there is no one I can call and really talk to and get honest opinions from and well, just vent and you know, get some sympathy too maybe? I did actually call a friend, who I've known for a long time and is a great girl, and I just really wanted a shoulder to cry on. I was supposed to meet her for coffee and she bailed on me. I know she had a good reason and it shouldn't have been a big deal, but at the time I just felt so just alone. So I called her to talk on the phone since she couldn't make it in person, and I just felt like she really didn't have time and wanted to get off the phone. I'm sure she had legit reasons that have nothing to do with me but at the time it just made me feel worse. I was so upset about CW's situation at school. And then there's the whole thing of my school. Yeah. That.

So the thing is, I think I may be ready to throw in the towel. I have tried and quit so many things in my life that I was so determined not to give up on this. Especially after all the time - almost 2 years part time - and money - way too much to admit - that I and my family that has been so supportive, have sunk into this crazy idea I had of becoming a court reporter. It seemed so fabulous at the time. Well the idea of it did anyway. The learning part was part time at my own pace so I could spend time with the kids and be flexible and all that. And if I actually learned to steno at the required crazy fast speeds that you need to be able to do to work in the business, I could also have a flexible relatively well paying job.

Here's the big BUT. I really do not enjoy the steno. Sitting at the machine is boring and frustrating beyond belief and it hurts my back and arms and hands. Also, after two years of practicing, I'm only at about HALF the speed I would need to be at to actually work in the business. Sure, if I put my whole heart into it for another year or two MAYBE I could get there. But I just don't think I have it in me to do it. And the kicker is, even if I somehow did, the more I learn about what the jobs are like that I'd get.....the more I think I'd actually hate it. So yes, it is a waste of the time and money I've already spent....but I think it may be the time to say, the hell with it, and stop the bleeding.

But if I stop....I will be JUST a mom. Yeah I know, being a mom is the hardest job there is. I don't look down on anyone who does that because I truly know it is crazy thankless hard work, but for some reason I'm struggling with the idea of having to say to people when they ask what I'm doing that I'm a stay at home mom. At least for the past two years I've had confidence when telling people I'm a mom, but also a student, as if that somehow validated my staying home with the kids and not working at some high powered job that I used to see myself having at my age.

My age is another thing. Maybe this is a midlife crisis because I'm quickly approaching the big 4-0. Yikes. But hey, if that's what it is, I guess I'm right on schedule.

What a roller coaster!

2011-09-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

This week has been up and down and up and down and now....looking back up again though there are some decisions to be made.

On Monday, as I described painfully in my last post, it seemed as if we were SOL for any type of social skills group for CW which he is so desperate for. Fast forward to yesterday, we are now eligible again for the group that was supposed to start this past Monday but is now starting Oct 3, and there is ANOTHER group that he may also be good for that will start later in October!

Here's the thing, I don't know what to do. The group that was supposed to start this past Monday is private - ie: we pay out of our pocket. It is 8 weeks long and run by social workers/psychologists. They seemed ok, though DH and I never really got a great feeling from them, and feel even less confident after Monday's incident (when the group was supposed to start but didn't and no one bothered to call us)

The other group is publicly funded - ie: we pay nothing. It is not 100% that we are in because we still need to be interviewed, but the psychiatrist running it said it looks good. It is longer than 8 weeks - probably almost the whole school year. There is also a parent component to this group, which will keep me really busy since I'm also attending a weekly parenting workshop until January.

So the decision is, do we do one or the other...or even both? Both my DH and mom think we should do both. I just wonder if twice weekly behaviour work is going to be too tiring and stressful on CW, and nevermind me having to schlep him to both activities. But then, I suppose we should take all the help we can get right? Or just try them both for a while and hope there aren't that many weeks that overlap? There is also the question of Halloween and Thanksgiving, both of which fall on Mondays when privategroup takes place. I emailed the leaders of the group to ask about that. Because there is no way my son is going to work on behaviour when he could be trick or treating. And I don't think it is fair to expect him to. So I hope to get some answers to that today to be able to make a decision. But at least, now we have options. It is certainly going to be a busy fall season!

Someone dropped the ball and it may have been me.

2011-09-19T17:47:00.000-07:00

This is one of those things. My first instinct was to be furious and blame everyone else. After serious thought, there was still much incompetence on the part of others, but I'm a lot to blame too.

Here's what happened. In the spring, we found this group that was suppsosed to teach kids social skills such as anger management and calming and how to lose gracefully and all kinds of other things that our ADHD and ODD riddled child CW desperately needs to learn. And things we desperately NEED him to learn. This group sounded like the answer to our prayers. It was expensive, sadly not covered by OHIP, but it was AVAILABLE! And conveniently located. And fit into CW's busy weekday schedule. So we signed him up. All summer every time he had a huge meltdown or displayed his woefully inadequate social skills, I would console myself with the fact that, come September 19th, he would be starting this wonderful new group that was going to help him (and us) SO much! Over the summer I confirmed with the group's organizers via email several times in July, as well as a phone conversation and another email in mid-August, that the group would indeed start Sept 19th and would meet weekly on Mondays from 5-6:30pm. Perfect.

So, in order to be able to take CW to said group, I organized a weekly babysitter to pick up AK from school, have dinner with her and hang with her until either I or DH got home. I also signed CW up for a Karate class which happened to be across the street from where said behaviour group was to take place, because I figured, after some behaviour work where he was bound to get mad and frustrated, what could be better than some physical activity? It all fit so nicely into our tightly packed schedule.

Fast forward to today. At 1pm I get a call from CW's school to tell me that he is in the office complaining of a stomach ache. Great. First I have a panic attack because as you may know, I'm TERRIFIED of puke or anything stomach bug related. After I recover, I go to the school to pick him up, hoping that he's crying wolf (because it wouldn't be the first time). And thankfully he seems fine. I hoped that if I let him go home and rest for a bit he'd be good to go to the 1st session of the behaviour group and maybe even karate. So time passes and he is fine. We go to the behaviour group and have a seat in their lobby.

5pm comes. The leader of the group comes out and says, as if she has never seen me before, "Hi, I'm Sandy***, and who is this?" I was all WTF?? But I said "this is CW" Isn't the group starting today?" And she was all "uh, didn't anyone contact you to tell you that we didn't have enough kids so it isn't starting today" Uh NO. I have an email from 3 weeks ago saying that it was. So here's where maybe I dropped the ball. Is it my responsibility to contact the leaders of a private group that I'm paying to attend and confirm that in fact the group is starting on said date that they said it was? I think not. I mean, if I registered for a class a few months ago I would just show up and assume that it was still running as scheduled. Maybe it's just me....Anyway, I do feel like maybe I should have confirmed, but I'm still really angry. For kids that do not handle a change in plans well, this was not a good day.

I had to explain to my son that, through no fault of his own, they were not starting the group today. But that now, since we are here anyway, we have to hang around a strip mall for 2 hours until your karate class is to start. We found a diner and had a seat and thankfully, I had my ipod touch with me so he was amused while I fretted about the situation with the group. Eventually it was time for karate and now we are home and everyone survived.

However, here's the thing that infuriates me further. Two weeks ago, I got a call from a publicly funded agency that we have worked with in the past, that said that they had a group forming that may be a good fit for CW and did I want to bring him in to have him assessed to see if it would work. I had already signed him up for the other group and had him assessed more and did not want to put him through that again so I turned them down. What was I thinking??? I turned down free help in favour of something I'd have to pay for, just because it sounded and looked really good and I was trying to save my son the hassle of yet ANOTHER assessment from psychologists and psychiatrists.

So now, I've left a message with said government agency to BEG them to consider us if it isn't too late...which it more than likely is, because anything publicly funded fills up instantly and we were lucky to even get on the list in the first place. So that will be me on the phone tomorrow grovelling some more because if we don't get him in there and get him some concrete help I just don't know where else to turn.

***name has been changed even though I don't think this person deserves to have their identity protected, I've been burned on this blog for even using an initial.

2011-09-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

We are on day 7 of puppy ownership. While there are people who say that getting a new puppy is akin to having a newborn, and I may have uttered those words myself on day 1 or 2, I don't really think that is the case. Maybe it is marginally similar during those first few days, but that phase passes MUCH more quickly than it does with a human baby! And thanks GD for that! I was none too fond of the sleep deprivation phase of parenthood with both my kids as babies, and thus am SO glad that so far at least, it hasn't been too bad. We had one night of significant whining where we put the dog in her crate at bedtime and she wasn't happy about it. But as a mom who had to Ferberize two babies and was much happier for it, this was small potatoes. Other than that, yeah, there's some chewing of things she shouldn't and some peeing on the floor as we try to housebreak her, but really, she has been a wonderful addition to our family so far.

Hopefully this optimistic view will continue. I'm sure there will be friends who will scoff and say "you ain't seen nothin' yet" and that is probably true. But at least for now, I'm no longer second guessing whether getting a puppy was a good idea. The kids absolutely love her, maybe too much. I just hope that their glee to be around her doesn't make her into a neurotic, hyper dog. We try to keep them calm when it is obvious the puppy has had enough....but that can be a challenge.

Tomorrow we have a puppy trainer coming to our house for a session of "Puppy Preschool". We'll see how it goes. When I spoke to the guy on the phone, he suggested I have her on her leash at all times and take her all around the house with me. He said I'd notice when she needed to go out and be able to rush her outside. Yeah...not really practical. Plus...her accidents happen way to fast for me to notice much of anything. So for now, we've put up a baby gate on the entrance to our kitchen and she is in there when we are home, and in her crate when we are not. She has been for lots of walks, but not too far since she hasn't had her shots yet. That will happen next week. Then, watch out. Here comes Snickers!

Pardon my pity party

2011-08-25T18:28:00.000-07:00

Wow, two posts in one day. I think that might be a first. But I have to apologize, if even just to myself because I doubt anyone else is reading, for my earlier wallowing. Now the husband is home, the kids are in bed, and what do you know, things are already looking better! The huz encouraged me to go out for a bit by myself, so I went to the pet store to pick up a couple of things for our new arrival, as well as the convenience store to get milk. But even just being away from the house and THE MONSTERS which were my kids today, helped a bit!

CW is remorseful in his own way for this morning's behaviour. I know he can't help himself, but it is so hard to separate his ADHD from him, if that makes any sense at all. I have to step back and try to see him for the good kid that he wants to be but has such a hard time showing...and not the evil monster that he often appears to be. I have to believe that with help we can see more of the inside and not the outside.

So there it is...tomorrow both kids go to separate sets of grandparents for the weekend. Thankfully CW is scheduled to go to the huz's mom and step-dad's place...not the house of the grandpa that he kicked in the shins today. Hopefully he will have a good weekend there and not cause any trouble, or kick anyone in the legs. AK is going to my parents cottage for the weekend. And we are going to visit DH's dad, always fun (in an alternate universe) and then picking up our new puppy on the way home on Saturday. It's going to be an interesting weekend to say the least.

Dog days and dark days

2011-08-25T12:12:00.001-07:00

In 2 days we are picking up our 10 week old Schnoodle puppy. While I'm excited, I'm also terrified. Do we really need to be adding this much additional stress and responsibility to our lives right now? Do I?

Today was a really difficult day and it is not even 3pm. My son's ADHD and ODD are clearly not being properly managed, medication-wize or any other and I'm at a loss. We have a few things happening soon that I really hope will be of some help, but I'm also hesitant to put too much faith in them.

In a few weeks I'm going to start attending a weekly parenting group for parents of kids like CW with ADHD and other issues. If nothing else it will be nice to hear that others are going through this too. But what would really be nice is to get some concrete strategies for WTF to do when CW has his out of control meltdowns and starts beating people up. Also, CW is going to start a behaviour group that is suppose to help him deal with things without aggression. I just hope it is effective as well. Finally there is the option of kicking up the dosage on his meds which I think is a last resort but maybe it is time to use it. Previously I'd thought the side effects weren't worth it for the benefits but maybe they are, I really don't know.

This morning, my dad offered to accompany AK and I to Centreville, a small amusement park that requires a short ferry ride to get to. CW had spent the night at my parents house and was to meet AK and I at the ferry docks at 9:15am.
I should have known that my dad, overly punctual as he is, would arrive early and have to wait for us if we arrived just "on time" I tried to be early but there was a subway delay, and by the time AK and I arrived, exactly 2 minutes BEFORE our scheduled meeting time, all hell had broken loose.

My dad was holding CW while he screamed bloody murder, and my dad had 2 big bloody gashes thanks to CW kicking him on both shins. My dad, who is on blood thinners, was bleeding profusely and looked like a mugging victim and all the ferry staff were coming over bringing first aid kits and making sure we were ok.

My dad explained that CW kept wandering off and wouldn't stay in sight and that is why he was holding him. CW doesn't react well to being held obviously but of course it is no excuse for kicking his grandfather in the shins. We eventually got my dad cleaned up and CW calmed down but then I didn't know what to do. We decided that my dad would take CW home while AK and I went along to Centreville because it wasn't fair for her to not get to go just because of his bad behaviour. So off we went, but I couldn't enjoy it and just wanted to race through everything so we could get home and make sure everyone was ok. Thanks GD for my mom who intervened and had CW at her office and then brought him home a little while ago.

I am so upset right now I just don't know what to do. I just hope the dog is a good thing for CW and not just something that will stress us all out and make matters worse. I've locked myself in the bathroom and the kids are watching Treehouse so I can get it together.

I know things will get better and there were many contributing factors today. CW had a sleepover at the grandparents and probably didn't sleep enough or eat right. Also, he didn't get his meds this am at all, I forgot to send them and then was planning to give it to him when we met up early this morning. Clearly if I ever forget his meds again I will have to get them there no matter the difficulty. But right now? I want to just hang out in the bathroom for a while...mother of the year, I am not!
Kathy McPherson
mcpherson_kathy@hotmail.com
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

And now vacation is almost over!

2011-08-16T21:41:00.000-07:00

Like I said...summer is flying by as usual. But it's been a good one so far!

The first 3 days of our vacation was spent in Vernon, BC, visiting DH's grandmother and aunts. It was a relaxing time. DH got to golf with CW and AK and I got to lounge by the pool. We stayed in a lovely house owned by a friend of DH which was so so much nicer than trying to sleep our family in a hotel room. After a lovely visit, we took a long but very scenic drive for 5 hours to Vancouver where we stayed for one night before boarding the Disney Wonder.

Today we got off the Disney Wonder where we spent the last 7 days on a cruise to Alaska. It was truly amazing. Firstly, the thing I was most worried about didn't happen. No one in our family even complained about the movement of the ship or got seasick in any way! For the first few days I gave CW some Bonine before bed, just as a preventative measure, and I did take some Gravol myself just in case...but that is just my own paranoia and it really wasn't needed. Everyone really enjoyed being on the ship and I think there is a good possibility of more cruising in our family.

The first day of the cruise was a sea day during which we explored the ship and CW enjoyed the kids programs at the Oceaneer Lab...mostly involving computer games. AK didn't really want to stay at the kids programs so she spent most of the day with us wandering around. We watched movies and met characters and had a really fun day. The next day was Tracy Arm day. We didn't get off the ship but were treated to a tour of a narrow fjord and ice field and a great view of a glacier. It was truly incredible and breathtaking. We also saw whales, dolphins and even an eagle from the ship.

Our first port was Skagway. It was a charming little frontier town that could have actually been manufactured by Disney....and some of it probably really was. But we had a nice time exploring and were also able to watch salmon making their way up the river. We did an excursion that took us on the White Pass Railway which was very scenic even on the misty day that we took the ride. My mom and AK also did a trolley tour but the rest of us wanted some time to just explore the town and get some souveniers. Our next port was Juneau. We were so lucky to get a warm (17 degrees) and sunny day there. In the morning I went up the Mt Roberts Tramway with AK where we saw beautiful views of the Juneau harbour. CW was enjoying his freedom and decided to stay on the ship in the kids program while we did that. My mom and DH did an incredible helicopter dogsled excursion. Half of me wanted to try it, but most of me was too worried about the helicopter and also the kids if we didn't bring them, or that they wouldn't like it if we did or CW would have a meltdown and refuse to do it after we booked something...and we just couldn't risk it. Anyway...they had a great time and got some amazing pictures. In the afternoon we all went on a whale watching excursion in a small boat. The whales were being somewhat shyer than normal - we were told it was because there was a fishing derby going on and too many boats around - but we still managed to see some whales and get some good pictures.

Our last port was Ketchikan. CW and DH did a bear excursion where they actually walked around a bear habitat with a guide. They got some great views of bears and other wildlife. While they did that, AK, my mom and I went to see the Great Alaskan Lumberjack show. This was a lot of fun if a bit hokey.

Yesterday was another sea day and our last day on the ship. We had a lovely tea with Disney characters and some spa-ing and other fun stuff around the ship. I have to say I was actually sad to have to leave the ship and our home for the last week, I was getting pretty comfortable with it! Other than the fact that I kind of still feel like I'm moving...but hopefully that won't last long!

We are spending the next few days in Vancouver doing lots of visiting. Tonight we had dinner with an old friend. Tomorrow we are seeing two more friends. The next day we hope to take a drive up to Whistler, BC. I have skied there in the winter but never been there in the summer, and DH hasn't been there at all, so we thought it would make a nice day trip. Friday we are meeting with more friends and family. Saturday we go home and sadly vacation is over.

However....soon the next chapter is going to begin with the arrival of our new canine family member...

Summer flies by...

2011-07-19T13:55:00.001-07:00

Why is it that summer flies by so much more quickly than the rest of the year? I wonder if it's because here in Canada, our summers are so short, that we pack every day to bursting with activities so as to not miss a moment of our precious warm weather. Does summer seem to pass in a blur in places that are warm all year as well? I wish I could move to one of those places and find out for myself!

In any case...it is HOT this week. Not that I'm complaining. I will take this over a -20 February day in a nanosecond. So far the kids seem to be enjoying camp. AK is currently at her "mock overnight" meaning that we have to pick her up at 7:15pm and I'm blissfully with just one child for a few peaceful hours! CW is having his allocated screen time as we speak. After a quiet dinner with him I hope to take him out to Baskin Robbins as a treat for the two of us...that is what summer's all about right? Ahem...don't tell my waistline.

CW has been enjoying some more independence at camp. In his new group, the Jaguars, they are allowed to choose some of the activities they participate in each day. So far his favourites seem to be Karate and Tech. What they do in Tech I'm not entirely sure...but I think it involves computer games so no wonder he likes it. He also says he wants to continue Karate classes in September so I'm hoping it will fit into his already busy schedule! Also, we've been trying to take him off meds on just weekends and so far so good. I'm toying with maybe taking him off completely for the rest of the summer but for some reason I'm hesitating. Not really sure why since they don't seem to help him all that much. But the thought of him completely un-controlled at all for our 2 week vacation may not be all that appealing either....so we'll have to think about that one!

AK is also enjoying camp. She comes home with mountains of artwork and eager to tell me all about her day. Unlike CW who has hit teenagerhood it seems and lets out merely a grunt when asked about his day. Unless I bribe him with the promise of extra screen time in which case he'll hapily spread the news.

In less than 3 weeks we'll be leaving for our vacation. We'll start off with a weekend in Vernon, BC visiting some family. Then we'll drive to Vancouver where we'll depart on a 7 day cruise to Alaska, followed by a few days in Vancouver to visit with more friends and family. As I may have mentioned...I'm more than a little apprehensive about being on a ship for 7 days. I'm excited because it is a Disney cruise and it's Alaska....and my kids will love it...but still...it's a boat. And there are 2 days where we won't even set foot on dry land at all....yikes. Luckily I have lots of Gravol....and some more of my new BFF Ativan just in case :))

Our impending new addition

2011-07-07T12:59:00.000-07:00

Nope it's not what you think, just in case anyone was indeed thinking that we'd lost our minds and decide to have another baby. We have in fact lost our minds though. We are getting a dog! We have put down a deposit on a female Shnoodle puppy. She is only a couple weeks old though...so we have until August 27th to get ready!

We have been trying to think up creative dog names. As usual, the kids can't agree so it's going to have to be up to grown-ups in the family. Sadly we're not sure there are any. In any case, that is going to be a tough decision. CW and AK both like the name Princess Peach. CW likes it because she is a character from a video game and AK likes it because it has the name "princess" in it. But DH doesn't like it so it's been veto-d. A friend of mine suggested "Snickers" which DH and I really like but the kids aren't thrilled with it. We may have to overrule them if we can't come up with anything that everyone can agree on...heh heh...I guess that's ONE benefit of being the parent. Since I'll be cleaning up the majority of the poop and getting up countless times during the night for the first little while, I think I should be the one who gets to choose the name.

We are trying to be as prepared as possible. I know that's like trying to be prepared for being a first time mom, impossible! It's not like I haven't been around dogs before. We always had one when I was growing up, and my parents have had a few since I've left their nest, however, I have not owned one as an adult when I will ultimately be the one responsible for its care, despite the promises the kids made while trying to convince us to get said canine companion.

But we are excited despite being a little nervous. I'm currently re-reading "Puppies for Dummies" as well as another dog book, but I have to say, I actually prefer the "dummies" version. Hmmm, wonder what that says about me. It's all rather overwhelming. Potty training, crate training, socialization oh my! I kind of hope it's like when I was reading "What to Expect when you're Expecting" for the first time and all that stuff they tell you to go buy? You didn't really need the half of it.

So that's the latest news. Otherwise, as expected the summer seems to be speeding up by the second. The kids are almost finished their first week of camp and so far so good. We are still debating taking CW off his meds for the summer. We may try just for the weekend first and see how that goes. AK has been a handful lately...just really whiny. Not sure what's up with that.

July is definitely my favourite month though. Why? It's called "the Vanilla bus" That would be the bus that so lovingly comes to my door every morning and takes my kids away for the day, and then returns them safely to my door in the late afternoon!

Our little visitor

2011-06-21T07:02:00.000-07:00

As usual I haven't posted in a while. Things have been going along pretty smoothly...and well, normally. Sometimes I feel like blogging about nothing, but mostly it only occurs to me to blog when something significant or exciting or upsetting happens. I think what happened yesterday qualifies as exciting, or at least pretty darn amusing, enough so that I'd like to remember it.

I got home from school yesterday and went into the kitchen to forage for food. Instead I found this:

Yup. A chipmunk on my kitchen counter! We stared each other down while I texted my friend who lived across the street. She said she'd come over and help me usher the critter out. However, by the time I finished texting, he had run behind the bread box. I moved it, and then he scampered back across the counter, took a flying leap behind the couch, and dissappeared! I lay down on the floor and looked for him but he had vanished into thin air.

When I went to go answer the door for my friend, I saw him hiding behind the coat rack just inside the front door! On the opposite end of the house! And he had gotten there so quickly and quietly! When I went to answer the door..he scampered back into the living room...and behind another couch!! Again we tried looking for him but no luck. My friend and I looked around a bit, but there are so many places a tiny animal could hide! I didn't know what to do, but I knew the last thing I want is a little chipmunk dying somewhere in my house and us not knowing where until it started to smell. Anyway, we gave up for a bit and decided he may come out again later. And come out he did, back to the bananas on the kitchen counter!

I thought maybe a trail of breadcrumbs leading out the open back door would do the trick. I started it from the last place I'd seen him and put closely spaced crumbs leading where I wanted him - outside!!! And then sat down to wait. The little bugger kept coming out for a bite or two and then running back under the couch every time I tried to peek out and check his progress. I decided to go upstairs and give him some quiet so maybe he'd make it to the end of the trail without interruption. I came back down about an hour later to find the trail still there, but more bites taken out of the bananas on the counter!!!

OK, so you like bananas, I thought. So I decided to try a new tactic. I placed the bananas just outside the back door and waited some more. I had to go pick up my kids at school so I left the door wide open. Sure someone could have cleaned out my house, but at least the damn chipmunk would hopefully be gone when I returned! We came home and again, our little friend was nowhere to be seen. The kids were fascinated. AK wanted to call him Alvin and keep him for a pet. CW was afraid to go into the bathroom in case it might jump out and bite him! We didn't even know for sure if he was still in the house because at this point I hadn't caught sight of him at all in a few hours.

After dinner I really was stumped. What to do. Well what else does anyone do when they have a problem and need to figure it out? Google it!!! So I did. Well it turns out there are a lot of people on youtube who have had this problem! We laughed ourselves silly watching videos of people catching chipmunks using fishing rods and a variety of other crazy tactics! None of them really seemed practical until I stumbled upon what sounded like a great, and not to difficult idea.

A chipmunk trap, created using a garbage can, some fruit and a bunch of books to be used as steps! Sounds like a good idea I thought. Doubtful that it would work, but having no better ideas at this point, we built our own Macguyver'd chipmunk trap:

And then we went to bed. I thought there was no way a chipmunk would fall for that. And even if it did, it would just go in, have a feast, and then jump right back out.

In the morning, we all came downstairs for breakfast, expecting to find a bunch of rotting fruit. But instead we found this:

Yup, our friend Alvin was indeed just hanging out in the bottom of the garbage can! Turns out Google really does know everything after all! I'm still shocked that it actually worked, and that he couldn't just climb right out again. In any case, after looking at him and taking pictures and explaining to the kids why we couldn't keep him, we took him out into the backyard and set him free! What an adventure, at least in our house that constitutes excitement!

And now back to our regularely scheduled programming: all the work I was supposed to do yesterday but didn't thanks to our little visitor.

A truly memorable day

2011-06-02T21:23:00.001-07:00

I want to take a moment to blog now because I don't want to forget any details of this truly memorable day. Not that I think I will, because it has been incredible, but as I get older sadly even things that seem momentous at the time get a little foggy over time.

I will be bried because we are about to end our day by watching a show!

So we got up at 6am. A stretch limo arrived at our hotel, the Palozzo, Las Vegas, to take us to our first activity of the day. A much anticipated (and feared) helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon.

I was terrified at first...but thanks to a little help from Ativan, my new BFF, I was able to stay calm enough to truly enjoy the ride and the view! Wow! I'm so glad I did this and let hubby talk me into it!!!

After that, a limo ride back to the hotel. A short rest, then lunch at the Lagasse Stadium, a really cool sports bar.

Then...a fabulous massage at the Trump Hotel, with foot reflexology to boot!

Then...now totally relaxed...we drove to the Little White Chapel and renewed our vows. Elvis walked me down the aisle then serenaded me with "Can't help falling in love". The minister performed the ceremony and encorporated tidbits about our kids and our lives over the past 10 wonderful years.

Then we drove to Mandalay Bay to see the Shark Reef...something I've wanted to see for a while!

Then for our anniversary dinner...we went to the Wicked Spoon Buffet at the new Cosmopolitan Hotel. It was the best and most innovative buffet ever. I know a buffet may not sound romantic, but to me it was just perfect! I am so indecisive with food these days that I just loved being able to pick and choose a little bit of lots of things.

And now...we are about to watch Cirque du Soleil, Love. With Beatles music of course! What could be a better way to end this day?

The best thing is, we didn't even plan this day this way! It is so unlike me to be at all spontaneous and yet, it turned out so great! The helicopter was booked...but the rest kind of just happened. If anyone tried to plan a day with everything that we just did, I'd say, you are insane, there is no possible way you can do all that in one day. And yet, here I am, and it couldn't get any better than this.

Thanks for a wonderful day huz, and a wonderful 10 years. And here's to the next 10!
Sent from my Blackberry
kathymcpherson@telus.blackberry.net
mcpherson_kathy@hotmail.com

Bits and bites

2011-05-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

First off, in my last post I mentioned I was going to ask Hincks, the agence where CW currently goes for his play therapy, if they had any additional services to offer us. I should know better than to get my hopes up. It seems for ADHD, at least here in Ontario, there is little that is out there in terms of therapy or any kind of help other than to throw meds at the kid and hope for the best. This frustrates me beyond belief because I'm really not convinced of how much good the meds are actually doing, but I'm hesitant to take CW off because I don't want him getting into trouble and having no other ways to help him cope.

The good news is that we have reduced the dosage. He is now on 15 mg Biphentin instead of the 20mg he was on before. On day 3 of the new dose, he had a huge outburst at school, but understandably because he got hit in the face by a ball, but a huge tantrum nonetheless. I thankfully was there because if I hadn't held him down I think he would have pummelled the girl who did it. Even though it was clearly an accident and she apologized profusely, he was so hysterical that he couldn't hear her and at that point it wouldn't have mattered because he was beyond reasoning. Anyway, after that I was worried that it was because we'd fiddled with his dosage, but the huz suggested we give it more time, because he did still have tantrums on the old higher dosage too and hopefully this was just a rare occurrence and not something that would be the norm on the lower dose. And I'm happy to report that, that seems to be the case. Ever since, CW has been pretty good. He still has the occasional outburst of course, but it doesn't seem really any worse than before. So I think we'll stick with this until the end of the school year.

That said though, I'm tempted to try taking him off the meds completely in the summer. He'll be at summer day camp for the first four weeks of summer vacation. While I don't want him beating anyone up at camp, I think the odds are lower than at school of that happening because a) camp is generally fun and b) at camp, people don't usually ask him to do things he doesn't want to do....so something to think about for sure....

In other news, I have been reading the book The Glass Castle. Wow. It is indescribable so far. It is sad and touching and uplifting and inspiring and shocking and so many other adjectives that seem almost contradictory. The funny thing that comes to mind though is that, while I would never want my kids or anyone I know subjected to the kind of poverty and neglect and bad parenting that the poor kids in this story had to deal with, boy does it make for an interesting story, and also, it probably made them into really interesting adults. Our life of relative priveledge seems so....almost static and somewhat boring in comparison. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and would never want to have to live on so little, but sometimes I wonder if a taste of it would make us appreciate what we have that much more, and also make for good dinner conversation.

Finally....next Thursday is our TEN year wedding anniversary!!! Most of it seems to have flown. I can't say all of it because the first few months with each of my kids did NOT fly...but after they were each about 6 months old...then the time went at warp speed. We are off to Las Vegas on Tuesday, SANS kids! The huz's mom is staying at our house for the first couple of days and then my mom will take over for the last couple. I have written the requisite novel of instructions for them to follow, what to pack for the kids lunches, what they need for school, their bedtime routines, what they will (and mostly won't) eat for dinner and on and on and on. I realize of course that our parents have been there, done that....but it was so long ago....I think they need a little refresher on all the minutae of life with kids around the house!!! My mom will probably throw it all out the window and wing it as she is known to do....but I think the huz's mom appreciates some sort of structure...at least that is what she tells me!

As for us...wooo hooo! We have booked the dreaded helicopter trip to the Grand Canyon. I'm still terrified, but feeling marginally better about the whole thing having proccured some Ativan from my doctor...just in case. I think I will try one on the plane to see how it affects me though...because I do want to remember the experience! In addition...we have also booked a massage....shortly after the helicopter trip...to recover from it...at least for me. I'm looking forward to that part! We have made reservations at Tao which is apparently where all the celebs go...maybe we'll get to rub shoulders with Lindsay Lohan...if she is out of jail.

And finally....I have ONE more huge assignment for school, and then I'm done....sort of. I'm done all the "academic" courses. But I still have a LONG way to go on my speed on the steno machine. I'm at about 80 wpm....and I need to get to about 180 wpm before I can actual ly start working....by my estimation...if I actually get my butt in gear and practice more....that will take oooooh another year or so! But I'm cool with that. This is a pretty good life we've got going and I can live with it for a while.

Fire is no more

2011-05-10T09:10:00.000-07:00

First off, I will start by saying I just noticed that my last post was one giant paragraph. I actually tried to change that but couldn't. We'll see how this goes. Just know that I actually do know how anoying a giant block-o-text is and didn't do it on purpose.

Anyway, Fire, CW's fish, has gone to fishy heaven. More accurately he's been flushed. In the past couple of months there were times when he didn't look so good, but he rallied. But today, no such luck. I don't know if it's the fact that we prepared CW in advance for this day when the fish was ailing, that you know, he might not make it and fish die and they don't tend to live that long (so please don't have a total meltdown when that day comes), but CW (or AK for that matter) didn't seem all that upset about it. And here I was giving a eulogy around the toilet bowl to my audience of giggling kids. Fire was a great fish who enjoyed his life. He was a fighter and persevered when times were tough. I mean, I know it was just a fish but really? Shouldn't the kids have been at least a little upset about this first pet death experience? Or should I just be glad that they don't give a crap and move on? CW's already asking when we can get another one. The huz said "we owe it to Fire to at least wait until the weekend to get his replacement." Um, ok.

In other news, I went back to CAMH for my recap of the assessment we had there with CW a few weeks ago. I thought today's session was where they would tell me what kind of help they could offer him. What I got was a frustrating whole lot of nothin'. Well the only something was apparently there is some study they are collecting applicants for that CW could be either in group sessions or individual coping skills sessions, if he qualifies. Oh and that would start NEXT JANUARY, because now he is too old for the group that I wanted to try to get him into when we applied A YEAR AND A HALF AGO!!! UGH. I'm so frustrated.

Anyway, one good thing that came out of this annoying meeting was that they gave me some questions to ask of Hincks, the agency where CW currently goes for play therapy. Like, are there any other services there that they can offer him? Can THEY do a review of his medication again and help us determine if there is one that would work better or can we try taking him off them altogether? I mean, maybe this should have been common sense and I should have thought to ask these things myself. But I guess maybe I'm expecting too much of people who are supposed to be experts. I mean, if this agency does have other services that would benefit CW, shouldn't THEY mention it without me having to hound them? Apparently not. Maybe, and I suspect this may be it, their services are in such high demand that people are beating down their doors to get them so if you don't kick, scream and beg for exactly what you want, you'll never get it?

Problem is...I can't really kick and scream if I have no idea what I want, or what even exists!

ADHD and helicopters and other first world problems

2011-04-12T18:15:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's been a while again since I've posted. I thought about it a few times, and then was all, this is so narcissistic and does anyone really need to hear me whine about my ridiculously first world complaints, when there are people with real, serious issues out there and they aren't whining...but anyway...here we are. Today we had yet another assessment for CW because of his ADHD and ODD. This one was at the Canadian Center for Addiction and Mental Health. I had high hopes, and I'm trying not to get discouraged by another vague and odd meeting with said proffessionals. I'm trying not to be negative, but it's just that we've been through this SO many times. We go to meet these people, who are supposed to be the experts. We tell them CW's history from birth to present including diagnosis of ADHD and ODD, and then they ask us why we are there and what we are hoping they can do for us. UGH, you are the experts people. You are supposed to tell ME what we should do and how you can help and not let me try to piece it together after a bunch of useless burocratic meetings! But that said, they were very nice, and booked us another appointment for May 10 when they will hopefully make suggestions on what they can do for CW. CW was put on meds for his ADHD back in November. He was put on Biphentin and while we did notice some improvements in his focus, it didn't seem to help much with his aggression, which is actually more of a concern at the moment than his ability to succeed in school, since his grades have not been too bad. In any case, a few weeks ago I met with his pediatrician and expressed that the Biphentin isn't producing as dramatic of an effect as we would have expected, so he suggested we try Adderall instead because different meds seem to work better for different kids. So about 10 days ago we put him on Adderall.....and....his behaviour has been about the same...but he's had crazy mood swings and crying and stomach aches and headaches....and well, the side effects just seem worse than the condition the meds are supposed to treat. So after a debate with CW's doctor, we decided today to go back to the Biphentin for a few more weeks, and then have another meeting...so there we are. In other news, at the end of May, DH and I are going to Vegas for our 10 year wedding anniversary!!! I really can't believe it has been 10 years. And because of this, DH wants to do something really special while we are there. He wants to do a helicopter ride down into the Grand Canyon, which in theory sounds amazing. I have always wanted to see the Grand Canyon and don't know when it will happen otherwise, so this is really an incredible opportunity. But, the helicopter part??? TERRIFIED! I don't like roller coasters or scary rides, or well, really anything that moves too much. Planes are ok...but I have to admit, the older I get, the less I'm liking those too. So I'm really in a conundrum. I want to do it because, wow, I'm sure it will be incredible. But even just thinking about it, like right now, I'm getting all sweaty and tense and freaked out. I MUST get over it. Maybe I'm the one who needs some meds.....may have to talk to MY doctor about that....

It's all good!

2011-04-04T12:08:00.000-07:00

Just in case anyone at home is following along, my dad has had the surgery to repair the hole in his heart, and thankfully, it went smoothly. And also thankfully, the insurance company that supplies their travel healthy insurance while they are in the U.S. covered said surgery. He has a follow up appointment next week where the doctors can make sure the surgery is healing properly. After that, he'll likely be cleared to travel - back to Canada - where the insurance company would like to see him, and STAT! But my dad, being my dad, doesn't want to be in Canada before May, because well, it's COLD! True enough, seeing as IT SNOWED last night and all. However, the insurance company may not be so understanding if something should go wrong in the next couple of weeks and he is still in Florida. So here's hoping...that nothing does. Luckily also, my dad has a great understanding doctor down there who is going to insist that travelling anytime before he is fully recovered would be a bad idea, rightly so, because at this point coming back here would have to be done by car, since my mom's car is down there and has to be brought back. That's a long drive, even when one isn't recovering from heart surgery. So that said, we are going back to Florida on April 19 to celebrate Easter with my parents before we all head home when it hopefully will actually be spring up here! I can't wait to be back there! And also? To do an Easter egg hunt - OUTSIDE! I don't think I, or my kids, have ever done that! And not only that, the Easter bunny will be able to shop at Target for said Easter treats to hide! Can't wait! But for now, life is comfortingly normal around here, and let's hope it stays that way for a while. Of course the worry wart in me fears that we have several trips coming up and I just worry now always about my parents and how they are getting old. I know I'm getting older too, but I just don't feel ready to deal with actual aging parents just get. My mom is incredibly 72 years old, but you'd never know it to look at her. She is so vibrant and healthy and just wow, amazing. Up until recently, my dad was also very young at heart and you'd never think he is 78. I just seemed to be able to forget most of the time that they are actually old! But now, it is really staring me in the face with my dad. I just hope that this whole experience will maybe have an impact on him in the way of taking better care of himself. Because I want them around for a long time!

And it's over

2011-03-24T12:23:00.001-07:00

Vacation that is. The trip that we look forward to all year from the day we get back until we leave again. Our annual pilgrammage to the sunshine state. At least this year, hopefully we'll be back to see the grandparents again in a few weeks with a quick Easter trip. I say hopefully, because things are a bit unsure to to recent events.

Our first week in Florida was a glorious yet exhausting whirlwind of theme parking and waterparking. However, a few days in, the fun was interrupted by an unintentional text message mistakenly sent to me by my mother instead of to one of her friends. Through to joys of modern technology, and some sort of Freudian slip of the finger on my mom's part, I found out that my dad had suffered a mild stroke and was in the hospital. My parents were as usual, trying to protect me, even though I'm a grown up. I really wonder, had my mom not slipped up, when they would have shared this news with me.

In any case, I called my mom and she said that thankfully my dad was ok, still in hospital, but okay, and there was little to no damage! Wow. We spent that day frolicking at Typhoon Lagoon, but my dad was always on my mind and I just really wished I could be there with him and my mom. My mom of course said to just enjoy our vacation and we'd see them in a few days when we drove South to Boca where they are snowbirds. So I did that as much as I could, but I couldn't help but worry. What if something happened to my dad and I never got to see him the same again? There are so many things left unsaid. So many real conversations to be had. So much of my interraction with my dad is so LIGHT. As in about the weather or similarly trivial things and it's sometimes hard to move past that.

Anyway, later that night, things were very tense again as my dad had a relapse and my poor mom was terrified. Thankfully, once again, miraculously, my dad recovered. Several days of many tests and mysteries revealed that not only did he have two minor strokes, he also has a small hole in his heart which he never knew about! Wow. And on a side note, my poor mom, as a Canadian with travel insurance, got to experience just a small taste of what I can only imagine it's like to live in the U.S. and have health issues. Yikes! I just can't imagine having to make phone calls trying to negotiate coverage while your loved one is in intensive care! It is truly horrible. Thankfully as it stands now, my dad is being tested this afternoon for his eligeability for a simple surgery to repair the hole which may even be done as quickly as tomorrow! Now that is impressive - would probably take months here in Canada. So here's hoping that happens soon. And also, that little hole in his heart is the likely cause of the strokes, so its being fixed should greatly reduce the changes of another occurrence.

In the meantime....the insurance company, inderstandably, wants my dad back in Canada ASAP so they can stop paying his bills. However, we all had plans to spend Easter in Florida with them, and as a snowbird, he usually stays until Mid April or May. So the challenge is hoping the doctors tell the insurance company that he can't travel for a while as he needs to recover from the surgery....for about a month, and have insurance coverage in the meantime....we hope. If they won't do it....we may not be going down for Easter...because my dad definitely does NOT want to be in the US without health coverage. So that's where things stand now.

Other than that....once we knew my dad was on the mend, we had a fabulous vacation. In Orlando, Magic Kingdom was the clear winner, but we also visited Epcot and Universal Islands of Adventure which were also a lot of fun. But I was really kind of anxious the whole time to get to my parents place and make sure my dad was okay. Once we got there it was a really relaxing week. Because things were so up in the air, I didn't plan every minute to the infinite detail like I usually do, and actually I think the rest of my family was greatful for it. We hung out by the pool and ate a lot of takeout. And I got to spend some time with my dad. But not enough. It will never be enough. I have to make sure from now on that more of the time I spend with him is quality time because you just never know and that thought is on my mind a lot right now.

And as usual...the re-entry back to reality after vacation is tough. The kids are handling it okay it seems. Although yesterday's giant dump of snow didn't help. Let's hope it's the last one for the season.

It's THAT time!

2011-03-03T06:33:00.001-08:00

Wow! It is March! I know it is cliche to say it, but boy, time really does fly, both when you are having fun, and even when you're not!

The past 10 weeks since Christmas and our last holiday have flown by in a blur. We came back from a lovely Christmas in Florida with my parents to spen a quiet New Year's at home. Then a whirlwind of activity as we moved into our new house, which I still can't believe is ours. Between unpacking and the kids activities and skiing and schoolwork oh my...the time has just vanished!

I have to say, though I've said time and time again that I need to stop wishing away the present and enjoying the moment more, that I am happy about the speed with which January and February have gone by, as they tend to be the coldest and hardest months - at least up here in the great white North. But I need to be sure to pause a moment to be thankful for everything that has gone so well, well always, but most specifically in these last few months.

Once again we are preparing for our next Florida vacation. DH is already halfway there - he left yesterday and made it to Charlotte, North Carolina before stopping for the night. I leave Saturday to fly to Orlando woth the kids where he will (hopefully) pick us up at the airport. Our short trip to Buffalo a couple of weeks ago proved without a doubt that our kids are not ready for that drive yet....maybe in a few years...maybe not :)

In any case, soon we'll be soaking up the sun...and the theme parks! One thing I hope to accomplish on this trip is to help my kids understand how lucky they are to be going to Orlando, and visiting Disney - for their 3rd time. Some people never get to do that, and for many it is a once in a lifetime thing that they save for years to get to do. For my kids though, and most of their friends, vacations like that are just the norm. They have no IDEA how good they have it! How do I get them to understand that? Or are they just to young to get it? Who knows...but I still plan to try!
Sent from my Blackberry
kathymcpherson@telus.blackberry.net
mcpherson_kathy@hotmail.com

Back to the grind

2011-02-15T10:51:00.000-08:00

So now that the move is really over, and we have internet and things are somewhat organized, and we've even had our house warming party....it's time to get back to reality. No more excuses for not doing my schoolwork and housework and everything else there is to do!

People keep asking me "how is school going?" For most, the answer is a short and sweet, "slowly, but I'll get there". And yes, that is true, at least the part about it going slowly anyway. The "I'll get there" part? Not so sure. And I know...my parents and husband and friends will say "you can do it, blah blah blah" because yes, it's true, when I decide I really WANT to do something...I usually can make it happen. However I'm kind of lacking in the motivation department right now. I'm at a paltry 70 WPM on my steno machine. How fast do I need to be to actually work in the proffession? For most agencies...OVER 200 WPM!!! While there are some that will hire you at about 160 WPM or 180, they are few and far between...but even so, that still seems insurmountable! And also? Anything over 100 still sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks to me - as in - really fast talking. I'm trying to put in my practice time every day...but really, it's not enough. I have to do more. I have to get it in my head that I want to do more, and keep that thought present as I slug through the boring practice time. Every day. For more than...ahem....a half hour or an hour that I've been doing of late.

But then...vacation is coming up....and also, I will soon be finished with the "academic" course work so I will only need to concentrate on my speedbuilding and that will be that. So one less excuse. But right now? Too busy planning and thinking about vacation....and planning the kids summer and....lots of other things that pop into my head the second I actually sit down to do any work. Thankfully....I have a very supportive husband and family and friends who don't seem to mind much if I'm a student....indefinitely!

So that's how school is going.

In other news....CW got his second term report card yesterday. We are so proud of him. He got all A's and B's! For a kid with ADHD who was constantly in trouble this time last year, it's quite an accomplishment. Also, we've been bugging the school to put an IEP in place for him and it hasn't happened yet, so he has managed this great report card without any accommodations even! The thing is? We know that he is a smart kid. He just really needs someone to pay attention and motivate him to DO the work that is asked of him WHEN he is supposed to be doing it.

And of course AK is adorable as always...but boy does she have a stubborn streak. She is so worried that things will not be 100 percent FAIR in every situation. Both kids need to get the EXACT same amount of food, drink, items when we go anywhere, amount of attention during a conversation...it drives me BONKERS!!! I know it's cliche and you are not supposed to say this...but many a time when I hear a whiny "it's not fair"....I have maybe snapped "life isn't fair, and the sooner you learn that, the better" and then I always feel bad and apologize.

This weekend we have a long weekend thanks to the relatively new in Canada, Family day holiday on Monday. We're going to Buffalo to do some cross border shopping and stay in a hotel with a pool! Also...we booked adjoining rooms and are going to try having the kids sleep together in one room for the first time...we'll see how that goes!!!

Right with my world

2011-01-21T12:02:00.000-08:00

We FINALLY have internet!!! It has taken us 14 miserable days and a lot of time spent in Starbucks for their free wi-fi to get to this point without a major breakdown! It's just funny how much we rely on the net these days. For everything. What time does Home Depot open? Google it. Where is that store where they had the great bedroom curtains? Google it. Let's get takeout for dinner. Order it online. What's my dentist's phone number? I totally have forgotten what we did before the internet to find out these types of things.

Seriously. How did people live way back when? Oh wait....I was around. It's not like the dark ages we are talking about here, but really? Sure felt like it! The net has been around for a while. Not that long, but long enough that it's been here the whole time that I've been a mature adult. Well maybe I'm still not that mature, but a grownup nonetheless. The internet was around while I was planning my wedding, numerous vacations, trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, having my first newborn, having my second child, having my kids in preschool and daycare and a myriad of activities. I just can't imagine how people did all these things without this wonderful online resource. It's not just the information that can be found in seconds with the click of a mouse, but really it's that sense of community and of not being alone-ness that you find with the blogs and websites of like minded people that is really most incredible. I know our kids will never know life without this phenomenon, but really, I hardly remember what it was like before we had it either. Well until these past two weeks anyway, and I tell you, it wasn't fun!

But alas, we are now online again. And I'm sure in no time I'll be back to being super busy because of all the ahem...productive time I'll be spending online. But hey, that will be time I will have saved not having to ask everyone on twitter or facebook to find phone numbers and store hours for me.

Home sweet home

2011-01-12T06:26:00.000-08:00

Well not exactly, right now I'm in Starbucks, because thanks to Bell Canada, we have no phone or internet at home. But other than that? The new house is great. I still can't believe it's ours, and with its different smells and sounds it doesn't quite feel like home yet, but I'm sure eventually once all the boxes are unboxed and everything finds its place, it will. It's still amazing to me the amount of "stuff" we have. It's just ridiculous. Even now that we have a much more spacious home I don't know where we will put it all. I really don't know how it was all housed in the old place since it was that much smaller. But in time, it will be figured out.

If you know me at all though...you will know that patience is a virtue that I don't posess. I want it all done and now, and it frustrates me to no end that it can't be done NOW. I'm working my way through the chaos one box and storage bin at a time, but the pace seems painfully slow. And of course there are now all kinds of other "things" that we need to contain all of the "stuff" that we have to get. And more furniture and window coverings and shelving oh my. Have I mentioned that we have not a single mirror in the house yet so I've not seen myself in 5 days? I hope I don't have anything in my teeth!

But as moves go, I'd say this one went pretty well. Nothing got broken, the movers were great and everthing from the old house is now in the new house. Thankfully we moved while the kids were at school so they were not underfoot and then got to come home and see their new rooms. They have had some moments of uncertainty at bed time as they get used to things, but hopefully they will adapt and fast as kids normally do. Area rugs are a priority now though, socked feet make for slippery walking on hardwood floors! Also the walk to school is a little longer, which has made for much complaining but hopefully as the weather improves that will cease to be as much of an issue.

CW, the one who usually doesn't deal well with change, so far seems to be okay with things. Although yesterday I had to go pick him up early from school because he complained of dizziness, but seemed totally fine by the time we got home. I'm hoping that was just him being out of sorts due to all the changes. Today he seemed fine so let's hope for no phone calls so I can get some unpacking done. As soon as I finish blogging and go home from Starbucks :))

And hopefully...I will also soon have internet at home so I can get back on track with my schoolwork. Bell apparently doesn't know why we don't have service and doesn't know when they can come fix it. We have threatened to switch to Rogers if they don't do something, so hopefully that will give them the kick that they need to get on it asap. What's funny is that at the end of the phone call with them saying basically, we have no idea when you'll have service, they have the nerve to say "is there anything else we can help you with? No? Thank you for choosing Bell" F%$^ you Bell!!! You didn't help me at all and I didn't choose you dammit, you are the only option if I want a landline!

Anyway, rant over...going home to unpack now. As soon as I finish my latte.

The mid holiday mark

2010-12-30T05:49:00.000-08:00

So here we are, December 30th, in that between Christmas and New Years week. It's a strange one, because DH has to work and I have to go back to my regularely scheduled programming of schoolwork, housework and kid work, with some packing for the big move next week thrown in for good measure! Thankfully for me, yesterday and today the in-school daycare program that my kids go to was open. But tomorrow? No such luck. In years past, I'm not sure what I would have done in this situation if I'd had to work, but thankfully I don't have that stress to worry about right now. In any case, I've not yet figured out what I'm going to do with the kids tomorrow. Perhaps some baking, or if I'm lucky I'll be able to scrounge up a playdate for at least one of the little monsters!

So far though, I have to say it's been a pretty good holiday season. The lead up to December 18th when we departed for sunny and at least somewhat warm Florida, was hectic and stressful, as we dealt with new house stuff, old house stuff, packing and cleaning and Christmas shopping and packing for the trip and the move and more. But then, as soon as that plane, albeit a couple hours delayed, lifted off on its way to Florida, the stress seemed to almost instantly vanish. We had a lovely 10 days. It was remarkably unhurried and well, rather un-Christmaslike to say the least. But that was a good thing. Since we were forced to do all our shopping beforehand, and had already celebrated with my in-laws, it was pretty relaxed! And that was. NICE! The kids swam, we went to the beach, went shopping and eating in fun American places that we don't have at home! And hung out with the grandparents, and even scored some free babysitting so we could to see the Hard Rock Hotel. Hubby even won some money playing poker! But of course, as usual, good things tend to speed by faster than the blink of an eye, and here we are home, with just a week until we move into our new house!

So it's back to the chaos. With windows to measure and blinds to get - most importantly for the bathroom and bedrooms where it really can't wait if we don't want to be woken up at the crack of dawn when the sun comes up, or have to change in the closet. And there's shower curtain rods to buy and lists to make and of course more packing to be done. But soon, so soon, we'll be saying goodbye to this home, the one that has broken all my previous staying in one place records...a whole 7 years...and moving on to our brand new, grown up house. With our IKEA furniture. We're going to have to do something about that...but not right now, one day! And I know ONE DAY, we'll wake up ten years from now still staring at that IKEA furniture and wishing it would go away and then forgetting about it again. But really, not a priority in my mind!

In any case, I'm hoping soon things will be relatively back to normal. Or at least we'll be settling into a new normal, in our new house.

The countdown is ON

2010-12-14T09:24:00.000-08:00

1 day until I have to submit an assignment for school, 2 days until I have to write an exam. 4 days until we leave for vacation in Florida. 24 days until we move. 25 days until my mental breakdown :). But really, doing my darndest not to get too stressed out about it all. I read somewhere, I think on the side of someone's Lululemon bag on the subway the other day, that "99% of all illness is related to stress". No kidding. I wonder if it's true? Lululemon must know these things right? In any case, it's somewhat believeable that stress is a factor in illness, whether it be one's likelihood of catching a bug, or one's propensity to come down with more serious ailments, or how well we are equipped to fight disease when it hits.

The trouble is...even knowing this...what can we do about it? I mean everyone's got stress in their lives. No matter what your station or occupation or anything else, everyone gets anxious about things, even though for each person WHAT we get axious about varies. Of course it's how we handle that stress that is important. We've all heard the advice, don't let the little things get to you, have a positive outlook blah blah blah...but really? How does one do that? Every time I experience something drastic, I think to myself, OK, this is going to be my lifechanging moment, where I start to appreciate what I've got, live in the moment more, not let things bug me and most importantly, start taking better care of myself. And I'm usually good and on that bandwagon for a while, until inevitably, I fall off and go back to being the same often negative, easily stressed, somewhat pessimistic bloke that I've always been, since birth I think.

I just wonder, I mean of course you read about people who, for one reason or another, have ACTUALLY CHANGED and PERMANENTLY. But for the vast majority of us, isn't this stuff just innate? Mostly born into us genetically and the rest bred into us during the earliest years of childhood? I mean, when I look at my kids, they are so completely different. And it seems whatever I do to try to mold and change certain aspects of their outlook on life, it's pretty futile. My daughter is just a fun loving, mostly laid back kid. Of course she has a strong will when life demands it, but she seems to be a lot more the type to let things roll of her back rather then stew over them, the way I do! Her brother on the other hand, seems to have been born in a glass half empty world and sees everything as such. He doesn't expect to like things or things to go well, and when things bother him, they seem to fester until there's a giant explosion. Gee, wonder where that came from? Ahem. And it just makes me wonder...is it too late for them? If I can't change the ways I deal with stress myself, and commit to a much more healthy lifestyle, what can I do for my kids to ingrain better coping strategies and life choices into them so they don't have to struggle with these things for a lifetime?

So with that...I once again am vowing to try, as soon as we are moved into the new house and have survived the holidays and the vacation and the schoolwork and the tantrums that are sure to ensue...(mine and the kids') to try to get more exercise and be overall healthier in 2011, and not to worry about things quite so much. And with that, since this is more than likely my last post this year, unless I surprise myself and get on here again before December is over, I'd like to with anyone reading a happy holiday season and all the best for 2011 - wishing you a happy and healthy and stress free - or at least well managed - year.

December already?

2010-12-02T08:16:00.000-08:00

They say that the older you get, the faster the days, weeks and years seem to fly by. My dad's always saying "enjoy their childhood, because you'll blink, and they'll be 30". I have to keep reminding myself about the "enjoy it" part though, because sadly, so much of life with small kids, well to me anyway, seems like pure drudgery! Don't get me wrong, most of the time I love it, and I'm so fortunate that I was able to leave my dreadful job in advertising to go back to school and spend more time with the kids. I'm not going to start complaining (well I might, but not too much :)) Back to the point, the year has flown by, and more specifically, the summer and fall have gone by in a flash. It's unfortunate that winter doesn't usually seem to pass quite as quickly...at least up here in the great white North where we have 4 months of sub zero temperatures to look forward to. But I digress.

It's December. We've put up the Christmas lights, the tree and the advent calendar. In 17 days we'll be leaving for our first Christmas in Florida! I can't wait for this vacation. The only down side is that after we return on Dec 28th, we'll only have a week to prepare for the big move into our new house on Jan 7th. Which means...it's gonna be a packing frenzy for the next couple of weeks so we don't leave it all until we get back from vacation.

Also, the kids are sadly not nearly as excited about the move as we are. AK seems relatively ok with it, though she generally has a pretty upbeat attitude. CW on the other hand...as usual is somewhat pessimistic. He is worried that his new room is small - which in reality is only about 2 feet smaller, but It can see his point. Without furniture it does look remarkably smaller. But with any luck once we get in there he'll come around. More disturbing is the fact that he says, with high drama, things like "but this is the only home I've ever known" and "but my absolute best friend in the whole world lives next door". Secretly though, I'm actually pretty glad we're moving away from his BFF because he's a 6th grader who I don't think is the best influence on my son. But in any case, we are moving a whopping 2 blocks, so there will be no change of school and they'll still be able to see all their friends. It's the anxieties that they are not articulating but that must be there because they are acting crazy, that are more worrisome. I just hope that we can do our best to reassure them, and that they'll adapt, because usually....kids are pretty adaptable. Unfortunately that pesky thing called ADHD makes kids rather inflexible...but we'll do our best to help him cope.

So that's that...in combination with school and Christmas parties and birthday parties and activities...is going to make for a very busy December....but hopefully busy in a good way. And so far, knocking on wood now, everyone is healthy. Oh and CW's now up to the "therapeutic" dose of his meds and has been for a couple of weeks and so far so good. While I can't say it's a miracle cure for ADHD by any stretch, he does seem calmer. And he does still freak out on occasion, but he somehow seems more able to calm himself down. I don't know if I'm imagining it. Maybe just to reassure myself that we are doing the right thing by medicating him, who knows.

A lot can happen in a few weeks!

2010-11-05T07:31:00.000-07:00

Wow, where to begin! I think last time I posted we were contemplating buying a new house, fretting about the possibility of having to put CW on medication for ADHD and ODD. Fast forward to now....we have bought a new house, our current house is sold, and CW has been on meds for 1 week! Phew!

It all started with an innocent email from my husband late one night...he suggested I have a look at a house in the neighbourhood while he was a way on a business trip. A casual "look" turned into us putting in an offer and negotiating for a week or so, then finally getting our offer turned down. However, as soon as that happened...the wheels were turning, and the huz quickly found another great house and went and had a look himself. Turns out this house was even better than the one that we had just been bidding on, and brand new, and cheaper! So the process began again....we offered, they signed back, we inspected and signed back, they signed back...and finally, a deal was reached and a massive deposit cheque was written!

Then, immediately, since the closing on our new place is Jan 6th, we were faced with the task of prepping our house for sale, and "staging", which is a completely ridiculous process by which you attempt to make your house look big and sparsely furnished and spacious and warm and friendly, yet completely impersonal, so that would be buyers can see THEMSELVES living there and not you! We rented a giant storage Cubeit and loaded up I'd say, more than half of our belongings. We had a furious weekend of cleaning and painting and minor repairs and rearranging and rent a son and it was just pure insanity. But despite all possible odds, we did it, and by Tuesday afternoon, the house was spotless, and looked better than I'd ever seen it. It looked so good I almost didn't want to move anymore! But that thought was fleeting. No sooner had we put the vacuum cleaner away did our realtor call to say "even though it's technically not even on the market yet, can some people come by TONIGHT and have a look?" Uh...ok. So we had to get out of dodge with the kids and go hang out at my parents. But turns out it is a good thing we let them in...as they turned out to be the people that would buy our house....and at a price much higher than what we were asking! Unfortunately since the deal was not finalized until today, we still had to live through two days of staying out of the house all day and making sure not a crumb was visible and not a knick knack out of place. But it could have been worse...I know people who have to live like that for months and I have no idea how they do it without going insane. But yeah! It's over! Now we can go back to being the slobs that we normally are. Well at least for a month or so before we have to being packing for the move! Whew!

And finally in CW news. We made the really tough decision to try him on meds for his ADHD. We struggled with this one for months, but finally decided that this is something that could really help him. Help him hopefully with his self esteem, relationships with kids, his sister and his parents, and just in general hopefully let him experience some more positive interactions without everything being such a constant struggle for him. So far he's been on a very low dosage for one week, just to see if there are any adverse side effects. So far, there doesn't seem to be any, and here's hoping that when we get up to the actual dosage that is supposed to really help him, that the benefits continue to outweigh any negatives. At least so far he doesn't seem to mind taking it, since the drug that we got is able to be mixed into applesauce so no pill swallowing is needed. It's more expensive, but thankfully the huz has a good plan so that shouldn't be a problem.

Now that things seem to be falling into place...I better get back to work. The schoolwork that is, that I've been slacking off from for the past couple of weeks due to all the house insanity, well that and the fact that my computer and steno machine have been packed away out of sight. But now, I'm back...if I could only get the motivation to do some work....maybe after a nap :)

Mid October already!

2010-10-14T07:47:00.000-07:00

As the saying goes...time flies. And so it seems even more so the older one gets. I can't believe it is already mid October and almost a month has gone by since I wrote here. We've all been busy, but until now, nothing that seems momentous enough to blog about has happened, and I think that's sort of a good thing. Sometimes you need life to just plod along comfortably with no major trauma or excitement good or bad, just for a bit of a breather!

But now here we go again. This week we had a fun and fairly relaxing - save for a couple pretty big meltdowns, mostly by CW, some by me - Thanksgiving weekend at my parents cottage. After a dreadfully painful dinner the night before, we didn't have high hopes that CW would be able to keep it together during a drawn out dinner of turkey with all the trimmings and guests visiting for the weekend. But thankfully, and I guess that is what Thanksgiving is about, CW was surprisingly good! He even ate turkey and asked for MORE peas and mashed potatoes which for his is completely unheard of. Asking for more of anything that is.

It sort of seems like every time we have a bad patch with CW and we sort of resign ourselves to the fact that medication for ADHD and ODD are in his immediate future, he does something like that and shows us that when he really wants to, he IS capable of holding it together and acting like what we think is a typical 7 year old. It's not like we expect a sedate and perfectly behaved child at all times folks, just a little compliance once in a while when it matters would be nice though, that and it would be nice to not have the constant worry that he is on the verge of beating someone up.

So as far as CW's situation goes, we have had 5 session of play therapy and while I'm not entirely sure what goes on there since I'm not allowed to watch, at least he seems to enjoy it! In a couple of weeks we are having a meeting with the therapist to discuss her findings. I'm SO curious to see what she has to say. It will be like being that fly on the wall because they video tape his sessions. Also, we have had a couple meetings with a psychiatrist at the same agency to discuss the possibility of meds. After the first visit with him we thought we were doomed because for the hour that we were there, CW didn't sit down once. He was literally climbing the walls and climbing under the chairs as the doctor tried to talk to us and also ask him some questions. Now that could have been a) because it was a starkly empty room with nothing to do and what 7 year old wouldn't be climbing the walls in that situation or b) he was just anxious to be seeing yet another doctor and unsure as to why we were there and what this new doctor was going to do or c) some of both. So we are having another visit with him in a couple weeks to see if he acts any differently now that he knows nothing painful is going to happen.

Obviously we are very torn about the subject of meds for controlling his ADHD and ODD symptoms. So far, he hasn't really had trouble in school academically, only the aggression part gets him into trouble there. And we're not entirely sure what is causing that part or how or if meds would help him in this regard. One interesting thing the psychiatrist talked about last time was that there's a possibility of a double blind trial; where neither the doctor or the patient or family know whether he is being given a placebo or actual meds. The pharmacist is the only one who knows. Supposedly you do that for a while and record your observations and then this will help decide if medication is truly helping him or not. This sounds like a good route to take if everyone is in agreement that medication might benefit him. I do still worry about side effects of course, but the doctor also reassured me that with the type of low dosage that we are considering, these shouldn't be too troublesome. And another reassuring tidbit is that the medication he is considering prescribing is available in powdered form and can be mixed in with foods and administered only once per day. So these are all things that are making the idea of medicating him a little bit easier to swallow so to speak.

In other news, AK has a wild imagination. I also think that she is feeling a little bit neglected. As much as we try to give her as much attention as CW, especially for good behaviour, she is obviously catching on that generally tantrums get you some attention, be it in a good way or not. So that is clearly something we have to work on a bit more. Also, she's making up some wild stories to avoid doing things she doesn't want to do. Last night she had a sleepover at my parents place and she told my mom she had a nut allergy and last time she ate nuts she had to go to the hospital and have a needle in her forehead!!! No idea where that one came from, but she is most certainly not allergic to nuts.

And finally, yesterday we put in an offer on a new house. This house is a vision. It could seriously be our FOREVER house. That is until we can't walk up and down the stairs anymore. At least I hope, even though I've never thought of myself as the type to live anywhere long term, this house could really give us that type of stability. If we can afford it that is! We put in a pretty lowball offer and it's not likely to be accepted, and we're aware of that. We are willing to negotiate, but not too much because we don't want to be ridiculously house poor. So crossing my fingers, sort of. I say sort of because if this deal goes through, then we'll be under a lot of pressure to sell our existing house, and fast. Which means a lot of cleaning and touching up and staging and living in a spotless house with two kids - not gonna be easy. But if it means we'll get to live in our dream home, it will be worth it.

Since I'm so sporadic at posting I'm sure next time I'm here we'll either be moving....or not. Hopefully more progress for CW...and fewer tantrums for AK. The wild stories? I can live with those.

What they are into now

2010-09-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

With kids these days (and well always I guess), it seems that what they are "into" changes almost daily. Well maybe the phases last a little longer than that...but to us grown ups they seem to pass in the blink of an eye, but only after we've spent hundreds of dollars on their collections of whatever the IT item du jour may happen to be.

We've been through Go-Gos, Pokemon cards, Marbles, Mighty beans, and now? It's Silly Bandz. Does your child's arm look like this? Both of mine insist on wearing them and carrying them around constantly. And the begging! It has to stop. Almost daily, as soon as I pick them up from school, the incessant pestering begins! "Moooom can we please go get some Silly Bandz?, so and so has the rainbow tie die pheonix one and it is SO RARE, and I NEED IT NOW" Being the mom that I am...who can't stand the whining...and though I try not to cave all the time, sometimes it can't be helped...promised that I'd look for said "fantasy pack" today while they were at school. Guess what? They are SOLD OUT all over CANADA!!! So I went online...I tried ordering them....and though it let me place the order...I somehow have a feeling that they may take some time to arrive if they are indeed THAT RARE! But at least I can say I tried...and now...$40 later...we are hopefully soon going to be the proud owners...of 100 more....pieces of silicone!!! Yeee hawww!

As silly as it all seems, I have to say, it's tough not to cave in to their demands. Why? Well it's more than the fact that I'm just a pushover....really, I swear. I think that, as wrong as it may be, this type of thing is one's currency for coolness in the schoolyard. Those who have the "in demand" items get more social interraction. And my little boy...as you may know if you've been reading along...well, let's just say he could use more of that. He talks to lots of kids and he doesn't seem lonely, but most of the kids he usually hangs out with are either several years older or much younger than him. So if by having the coveted Silly Bandz, he's more likely to, I hope, gain confidence and pleasure in hanging out with more kids his own age. Here's hoping....because otherwise....we'll have a houseful of creatively shaped hair accessories.

Survived the first week back for all of us

2010-09-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

So today was the start of week two for all of us. Week 2 back at school for the kids, and week 2 for me back at school as well. Only technically it's week 1 for me since I didn't actually "attend" any classes last week ahem. It was just too busy what with the getting the kids ready for their back to school and lunches and shopping and activities oh my. But now, we're all BACK. And actually as much as I was kind of dreading my return to the books, it was good to see everyone again and try to get myself re-motivated to actually care about this second (or third) career thing.

The best news yet though, at the end of last week, the first week back, I had no fewer than 4 people tell me what a great kid CW is being this year and how much they think his behaviour is improving!!! Be still my heart! I couldn't have been more thrilled. Of course, the somewhat skeptical pessimist in me worries that it's just the novelty of being in grade three with a new teacher and new classmates, and that it's bound to wear off. I sure hope not though!

This Wednesday he begins his once weekly play therapy sessions at the new agency that we finally got in with after a year on their wait list. Also, we have a consult booked with their psychiatrist for the end of this month to discuss the option of meds. However, I'm crossing everything right now that maybe maybe we can still have some hope of avoiding that with his great new teacher and improved maturity and play therapy....and maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. I just still keep hoping that even though meds may really help....that there is some way we can avoid them.

In other news...we had our annual street party this past Saturday. There were games and food and it was a really good time. This year we actually knew more of the people than previously so it was a lot more fun. Also, our kids were surprisingly well behaved which certainly helped! AK was the star of the dance contest and danced nonstop for about three hours! She won several prizes. I'm scared for when she is a teenager though - she got da moves! Oh and the people from the local pet store came by with a giant turtle and a parrot for all the kids to see. That was really cool, but damn them for giving out "free fish" coupons to all the kids. $40 later we are now the proud owners of two Betta (or Siamese fighting fish), two tanks, nets and all required parafernalia.

Anyway, must go pick up the rugrats! Start of another dinner, bath, bedtime trifecta. At least tonight the huz will be home so I don't have to go it alone! Yeah!

A Labour Day Post

2010-09-06T17:53:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty pathetic about posting regularely. What can you do. The weekend we just had was pretty memorable though so I though it would be good to document.

My mom paddled her OC1 canoe in the Gloucester Pool Cottagers Association Canoe for Cancer. The entire course was 17 kilometers. My mom did about 9. But that is pretty amazing. There were MANY people far younger and fitter than her who either tipped over in their boats or quit long before she did. My 72 year old mom paddled her heart out in dreadfully cold, windy and choppy waters and also raised about $2000 for the cause which is dear to our family since so many people we know have been touched by this horrible disease. I am SO proud of her. I know I couldn't have done it, that is for damn sure! Go mom!!! She is truly an amazing woman and I wish I could make her as proud of me as I am of her. And really? She hardly trained for it at all, other than her regular fitness routine. It was more like, well it's dreadful out, but I think I'll just go for a nice little cruise on my boat here.

Oh, and also a funny thing happened. There was this guy and a girl in their canoe doing everything they could to remain upright. All of a sudden they flipped into the water. A police boat cruised up to help them. The police officer pulled the woman out of the water first, and when he turned around to get the guy, he had started drifting away. The police officer called out to him and tried to get him into the boat. The guy, it turned out, was hanging on for dear life - to the handle of his COOLER! I wonder what was in there that he was so determined not to lose in the raging waters? Hmmm...makes you wonder! A couple other funny tidbits as well....AK started doing the "I gotta go" dance as we were waiting for the canoers to set off. We were lucky enough to be with a family friend who had a nice little tug boat with a warm cabin and head (that's bathroom for any landlubbers reading). So anyway...I took her into the "head" and she dropped the biggest poop ever. And then, it wouldn't flush. Nice. So I tried everything...pumping the "flusher" and putting water from the shower head (directly about the toilet in the boat's tiny bathroom) and eventually it flushed. But not before I took a big chunk out of my hand from trying to pump the water. Meanwhile, my dad had decided to move his powerboat over to beside our friend's boat. Since I was otherwise occupied in the bathroom with AK, I had no idea what he was doing. Well he came in a little too quickly...and scraped a big chunk of paint off of our friend's boat. So the poor guy who owns the boat...comes back from a short walk around the area to me trying to pump the S&*^ out of his toilet and my dad swearing profusely about how he damaged the boat. Ugh. Not a good day for the tugboat. Thankfully the guy took it pretty well and my dad and he are still friends!

So tomorrow is the start of another school year. CW is starting grade 3. We still don't know who his teacher is...and I'm just hoping it's someone who can handle him. He will also start play therapy next week at a new agency, that is yeeehaaawww...paid for by OHIP! So no more $180 per hour behaviour therapy! I just hope it is equally good. I'm pretty apprehensive though. Grade 3 is a big year...homework and standardized testing...oh my. Not looking forward to that. And AK starts senior kindergarten! I'm excited for her as well, since now she'll be "one of the big kids" in her class...which is split between the junior kindergarteners and the seniors. So essentially they do almost the same thing for two years with the same teacher. But she's happy.

I just can't believe it's the end of another summer vacation for the kids. It has just flown by. We did accomplish most of our goals in terms of all the fun things we wanted to do. However...the "keep up with writing and math and academics" type stuff...not so much. It's gonna be a shocker when CW especially has to get down to it again. Yikes. I'm scared for all of us.

And of course...September also means back to school for me. I'm feeling pretty ambivalent about my school program of late. I really am not enjoying the practicing and thus, have not been doing nearly enough of it. My progress has really stalled. Gee I wonder why? But so, it's really hard to stay motivated. I'm actually enjoying the English courses though. Apparently my grammar isn't as bad as I thought, or well, as bad as my mom thought. She said I never did well in Grammar in school before? Although I don't think she's remembering accurately, because at the time I think I much preferred the grammar and spelling stuff to anything requiring creativity. Whatever. At least I like those courses. But still...I wonder daily if this is a career I really want to pursue. We shall see....

So here's to another summer over, and another school year beginning. Crossing fingers and toes that it's a good one for all of us.

More CW drama and wow...scary that it's August 21st

2010-08-21T18:54:00.000-07:00

Last time I blogged I was just about to leave for a much needed break from reality. I went to Chicago with a girlfriend and attended (well quasi attended) the National Court Reporters association conference. I did actually attend a few conference sessions. They were somewhat informative. But what was really great about the conference was the opportunity to meet so many nice people who are court reporters. They are all SO FRIENDLY! Which is great...since hopefully one day..I will be one of them. However...based on my sluggish progress to date...well it's gonna be a while. But in any case, the conference was fun...and Chicago...such an awesome city.

We did tons of touristy things and eating and shopping and jazz clubbing and my feet were so throbbing by the end of each day. But it was well worth it. We of course hit all of our favourite American haunts such as Target, PF Chang's, Grand Lux Cafe, Ulta, The Lego Store, Macy's and more. Also of note was the American Girl Store. Wow. Crazy place. Got AK the cutest matching outfit for herself and her itty bitty twins doll (of which she only owns one twin...never told her they usually come in twos) We also went to a jazz club called the Green Mill which was very retro and is apparently where mobsters used to hang. They had an awesome act on the night we were there and a good time was had by all.

But now...been back to reality for a couple of weeks. And the kids are finished camp for this year...so have a couple of weeks of...camp mom! Since that thought gave me serious heart palpitations I planned a lot of stuff with them so I wouldn't be alone with both kids for too many whole days. I know that is just awful to say...but they really do scare me. CW's behaviour...well...if you're reading along...leaves something to be desired...and going anywhere farther than the neighbourhood park with the two of them is just well....terrifying. Anyway....TG for the grandparents who have helped me a lot in my "divide and conquer" strategy while the huz works hard and travels a lot. So thankfully it has not been all bad. But of late...CW's behaviour even when AK is not around....seems to have escalated, at least around me.

His behaviour therapist this past week basically said that she thought that while there have been some improvements...that we have pretty much gone as far as we can with the behaviour therapy and that in her opinion it is time to consider other options...ie: medication for his ADHD and possibly some kind of mood regulating medication for his ODD. Yikes. I mean...I guess I kind of new that this was a very likely possibility...but I was so so so hoping to avoid it.

Anyway...thankfully...just when our behaviour therapist gave us this news, we got a call from another agency called Hincks Dellcrest which is reputed to be absolutely wonderful...and (angels singing" is covered by OHIP!!! Yeee haaaw! We have been on the wait list for their services for almost a year and finally we are IN. We will start by taking CW to a once weekly play therapy session. The greatest part though, is that so I hear, once you are IN with this agency, you then have access to all of their services including psychiatrists and psychologists who can hopefully help us make the best and most informed decision about if we try meds and if so which type(s) etc. So this is good news. I just really hope that they are everything people say they are. Because I am so tired of seeing one "expert" after another and having to go through this whole process of more and more "assessments" and not really getting much in the way of concrete advice.

I keep going back and forth on this too. Because the diagnoses for ADHD and ODD is so damn subjective. Some days he just seems like a normal kid who may just happen to freak out maybe a little more easily than others. Most of the time, that I can deal with. And his grades in school really aren't that bad. But the ODD? I think that is the real problem. Today I took him to buy pants for school because if he doesn't choose them, he won't wear them. So we went to three stores and he refused to even look at anything saying he hates all of it. Once he had gotten into this mood there was nothing I could do except threaten to not go to the movies with him after. He finally calmed down enough to point at sweatpants but said "I'M NOT TRYING THEM ON" so I really hope they fit because I'm not going through that again!!

Anyway...I guess all I can do is keep talking to people and getting advice and hope that we make the right decision. It is so hard! I just hate the thought of messing with his brain! I don't know why this bothers me so much more than say...giving him cold medicine when he is sick..but I just can't seem to get past the fact that I could actually alter his personality. In some ways, it seems like a good thing - because I could do without the defiance. But I also don't want him to lose his spark, because when he's happy, he really does have a spark and that's what makes him CW. And also, I want to make sure if I do choose to medicate him, am I doing it for the right reasons? To make him enjoy a better quality of life, do better in school, have more friends? Or would I be doing it to make our lives easier as his parents? And also, how is all this affecting AK and the environment that she is growing up in? It's hard to say. And is it bad if the answer is a bit of both? I don't know. I guess as a mom I'm bound to feel guilty no matter what. Should be used to that by now!

New camp and vacay!

2010-08-03T13:05:00.000-07:00

First off...I have to ask...anyone know how to lose the chinese spam comments I'm getting? I don't want to offend anyone here - if you are a legitimate commenter who happens to think I can read chinese characters, I apologize...but otherwise? Please leave me alone! Thank you.

Anyway...for the next two weeks my kids are at Harbourfront camps. CW is at sailing camp, which he attended last summer and AK is in Camp by the water, a mixed activity type of camp for her age group. I was a bit spoiled by the camp they were at for all of July, where the bus picked them up and dropped them off right at our front door. For this new camp, I have to walk them to their school, a whole block away! It's really nothing, but after being able to wave them goodbye in my pj's as they hopped on the bus, the walk to school seems like a bit of a chore! I'm sure I'll adjust! Oh that and the fact that for this camp I have to provide CW's lunch and snacks for both kids. It was so nice for a whole month to not have to do that. Anyway...so be it.

When we got to their school, it was like a big reunion. Both kids had friends going to the same camp so they were happy to see each other. They happily hopped on the big school bus and away they went! Here's hoping that CW's experience there is as good as it was last summer, and that AK's first time there is as enjoyable as her first camp experience in July was.

And also, here's hoping that CW can keep it together and not hurt anyone at this new camp! Especially not while he's sitting in a tiny sailboat with no grownups onboard! Yup...I was so surprised last summer when CW told me this that I went down and spied on him, and lo and behold, three kids in a boat. Thankfully there was a councellor circling around in a power boat making sure none of the kids drifted off or fell out of their boats! And after I got over the shock of my baby being out in Lake Ontario with only two other little kids in the boat...I realized that it is probably really good for his self confidence and sense of independence.

Tomorrow night I'm leaving for Chicago with my girlfriend. The trip is part pleasure, and part business. Well not business exactly, but it's the National Court Reporters Association conference. You see, I'm hoping that by going to this conference, and maybe meeting some people in the business and learning a bit more about it, that I can figure out if what I've been working at for the past year is really what the future holds for me. I'm enjoying school, and it's sooo much better than the job I left in advertising. But I can't help but have doubts. Can I really achieve the speeds necessary to work and make money at this job? And even if I can, will I like it? Who knows...but does anyone really know? Not me, that's for sure! But in any case, I also hope to fit in some sightseeing...a boat tour, some good meals, and of course shopping! Target, American Girl and PF Chang's are calling my name...it's been too long!

My big boy is home

2010-07-29T18:56:00.001-07:00

CW arrived home today from his first stint at overnight camp. It was a 3 night trial thing, of course the camp is hoping you'll sign up for longer next year. We think CW had a great time, although we didn't get much concrete information out of him at all. However, we hope to hear more tomorrow on a phone call with one of his councellors. I do think though that 3 nights was about right for him, and more may have been too much. Why? Well because today, the last day, we received the dreaded phonecall to tell us that our son had scratched one boy, and kicked another. That pretty much means he'd had enough. We didn't get the details on the incident though apart from the phonecall from someone who wasn't even there and just heard about it from someone else. But I'm guessing it was somehow provoked, in combination with the fact that he was more than likely over stimulated and over tired to begin with. Not that it's any excuse of course, but there had to have been a reason. At least I hope so.

Other than that, he seemd excited to be home. He told us bits and pieces, but I'm hoping some more snippets might come out in the days to come. I don't think he's quite ready for a longer stay though. Maybe in another 2 years...or 3....

A blogworthy event

2010-07-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

I know it's been slow on the blog front around here. So far this summer it's been more of the same. Up's and down's when it comes to CW's behaviour and therapy. Same goes for my thoughts on whether or not to medicate him come fall. But today, today, was something really worth writing about. Today is the day my firstborn left for overnight camp for the first time!

My husband took him to meet the bus that was to head up North this morning. After CW and he left the house, I was verclempt! I thought, I really should have realized what a big deal this was sooner than now, and found SOME way to make it possible for me to be there to see the bus actually leave with my little boy on it for this momentous occasion! But as it was, it would have involved a lot of logistics, as I had to be home with my daughter until much later to meet the bus to take her to daycamp, so it just wan't logical. Still....I wanted to be there.

I think my husband could tell. Well maybe he could tell after he asked me how long it would take him to drop off our son and I bit his head off, maybe then he could tell, that I was um....somewhat...unnerved about the idea that our little, baby darling was going to be away for four days!!!! So anyway, my husband, sensing that I wished I was there, emailed me pictures of our son in front of the giant bus that was to take him away!

Four days!!! I know it seems like nothing in the grand scheme of things - but when you think about it like, for the past nearly 8 years, I have not gone for more than 4 days without seeing his mischievious little face, well then, it seems like a bigger deal, to me anyway. And for him? Well, despite the fact that he has never stayed anywhere but home and with the granparents for longer than a few nights at a time? He jumped on the bus with a wave and said "bye dad" with a big grin on his face!

I have no doubt that he will have an absolutely fabulous time at camp. But of course any mom can't help but worry. In his case, I worry about the way he may react if faced with something that scares him in any way. Will he throw a tantrum? Hit or bit someone? Say "no thanks" as we've been trying desperately to teach him to do in these circumstances? Only time will tell. And will the peer pressure that surrounds him when confronting potentially new and different activities act on him on a positive or negative way? Who knows. My hope of course that it encourages him to be a little braver than he may be normally, but not so much so that he does anything foolish!

I also wish that there was some way I could be a fly on the wall to observe how he is when I'm not within 200 miles of him! Maybe there's some way of getting a report from someone other than him after the fact to find out more about his time there than what I'll probably hear from him which is likely to be the standard "it was fine mom" response. You know, the one I'm sure I'll hear even more of when he's 13 but wasn't quite expecting at age 7!

For now...in between the worrying about my oldest...I guess it will be almost a "vacation" for me with only 1 child around! What in the world will I do with all this extra time on my hands?

To med or not to med

2010-07-18T16:32:00.001-07:00

Ever since my CW was officially diagnosed with ADHD, I've been torn in the issue of whether or not to try meds for him. If you've been reading, you'll know that we have been doing behaviour therapy with him since February - so about the last 6 months - twice a week. We have seen rather remarkable improvements in his behaviour at school. Back last fall, we were getting several phone calls each week from the vice principal about CW's aggressive and physical outbursts towards staff and other students, and at one point it was even suggested by the principal that CW may have to go to a school for these "special" students. That broke my heart and we immediately began our desperate quest to get help for our son and figure out what is causing him to behave this way.

Anyway, it seems that while most of the time now, he is able to keep it together at school and his grades have been decent, he is still VERY difficult at home, especially with me. I also worry terribly about his relastionship with AK and how all this is affecting her, and also I have to be constantly vigilant about watching their interactions in case of aggression from CW as he is still much bigger than she is. We are continuing with the behaviour therapy, and during the summer while the kids go to camp during the day, we have had the therapist do home visits. I think this is fabulous because this is the environment the kids live in, in reality and I hope it will help our whole family dynamic.

But will it be enough? Will it be adequate to teach CW to control his impulses? Will he be able to handle the grade 3 workload and expectations without undue frustration? And really am I doing him a disservice by potentially NOT giving him the meds he may need? Or if I were to put him on meds would the side effects be worse than the condition they are trying to cure? Would my kid turn into a zombie and lose all the traits I love about him in addition to those I don't love so much? All of these questions go through my mind daily, and moreso when I'm in the middle of a controntation with my son.

For now, we've resolved to let the summer run its course as is, continuing with therapy when we can. Once the kids are settled into their next school year, maybe late September or October...we may go to CW's doctor or even track down a kids psychiatrist and begin looking at the options for meds if things are not running more smoothly. Only time with tell. But it's really hard to know if we are doing the right thing for our son either way. I guess that's the thing. Parenting is THAT tough, and you never even know for sure that what you're doing is the right thing to do for you or your child in each situation. Sure makes life interesting.

School's out for summer

2010-06-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

And the funny thing is, the elementary schoolers that finished school today know the song! That was an old song even when I was in grade school! I guess it's a classic. As the final bell rang on this school year, screams of joy were heard throughout the neighbourhood from all the kids and a lot of parents too. I am thrilled for my kids, who have completed another milestone - CW, passed grade two, and actually his report card was much better than expected, and AK has finished junior kindergarten smiling as always.

As we were walking home however, I passed another mom who said in passing "thank god school is over" Um yeah, I nodded, smiled, and went on my way. But I was thinking, really? What are you thankful for? I mean yeah, I'm totally greatful that there won't be any homework battles and all that nonsense. But other than that - with my kids going to camp for 6 out of the 9 weeks of summer holidays, their being done school won't affect my life all that much. Being the taskmaster that I am, I still hope to do regular revision so all that learning doesn't seep out their ears during the summer, so I'm sure there will still be some resistance to that.

While I think I've made the right decision for our family in scheduling so much camp time, I sometimes wonder if a lot of my reasons for doing so are selfish. CW needs structure and seems to lose his way without it, and I don't think that I could provide him with what he really needs at home enough for both of us to not lose our minds and end up hurting each other - both physically and emotionally. Not only that though, I just don't know how much time I could handle with both kids home with me. I think with the three weeks we've got, I will have enough time to do some fun activities with them around the city and visit with friends etc, but hopefully not so much that we all start to go crazy from too much togetherness! Does that sound awful? Maybe. But honestly, right now, a lot of our time spent together isn't all that much fun for any of us, and often ends in tears (mine and CW's) and bruises and bitemarks (mine)

Also, while I sometimes get these crazy idyllic visions in my head of how much fun it will be to take the kids here or there when they are not in camp and I have time off from school, somehow...the reality never seems to live up to my fantasy when it comes to doing things with my kids. Other mom, yeah, those moms who are so thankful to have all this free time to spend with their kids, can easily be the fun one for a while and take their kids on all kinds of excursions. While I know outings with kids comes with challenges for any parent, for the most part it seems other kids are just more adaptable to parent planned, or not planned activities. I will be the one humming and hawing about whether or not taking the kids out solo during the week is such a wise idea if I can't find another adult to come along for the ride.

I'm really hoping that as a result of the behaviour therapy that we are continuing through the summer, I will soon start to look forward to time with my kids a bit more instead of fearing it. I hope that isn't too much to ask. Right now when I'm alone with my kids the most I can hope for is a day without being kicked, hit or bitten by my son. And sometimes, even that is too much to wish for. Such as this morning. But that's another story, and I will sound like a broken record if I share, so I'll refrain.

But to all the moms, and kids who are happy that school is over, have a wonderful summer. Here's hoping ours is better than I expect! At least the weather will be good (I hope)

The soap opera continues

2010-06-16T19:25:00.000-07:00

If anyone's reading this, you are no doubt bored to tears by now. It's the same old - up some days, down some days. I'm tired and bored of it and it's my life I'm describing so I can't imagine how incredibly boring it would be to read about.

CW's behaviour. Ugh. I know, I'm fortunate to have two healthy kids and many many people have it far worse than I do. I shouldn't complain, and I feel guilty when I do. But right now I'm in the midst of a pity party because I just wish, even for a day, that my son was NORMAL. There, said it. Already that feels bad, but good at the same time because it is out. I just wish that for just one day I could go somewhere with my family and not have to prep him for every possible occurance only to have him still have a huge meltown that leaves us all feeling terrible no matter how it is handled. We feel bad because we feel incompetent as parents for a) having a child behaving that way in the first place, and b) not knowing what the heck to do when he acts like a crazed lunatic on steroids. And I'm sure it doesn't feel good to CW either.

We are still doing the behaviour therapy, and thankfully for the most part it seems to be helping. He, knocking on wood now, hasn't gotten into trouble at school for a while. And when he is at therapy, at their clinic, he has learned a lot of great coping strategies to use when he feels his emotions getting out of control. Unfortunately, so far, he seems to be having a really hard time applying those skills to other situations. Especially with me. And the dentist.

On Monday we took CW to a dentist appointment to have his teeth cleaned. We knew it would be difficult because six months ago we went and he had a huge fit and the dentist wasn't able to even look in his mouth let alone clean his teeth. So this time, we prepped. We brought toys and music and books and strategies and tactics, and if that wasn't enough, we brought CW's behaviour therapist too. But from the moment we left the house I had a bad feeling about things. CW's mood was not good and it was a big struggle just to get him to the dentist's office. We got there, but when it was time to actually go in the office, he kicked and screamed and fought and cried and more. Thankfully, after much fighting, mostly with M, our therapist, he was able to calm down enough to have his teeth cleaned. But it wasn't pretty. And then, because he was able to calm down enough, the theory was that we were supposed to reward him with being able to calm down and ignore all the bad behaviour leading up to it. So off we went for a rewarding donut for breakfast.

Fast forward to today, I had a conversation with CW explaining that a therapist would be joining us tomorrow for his "end of year" school BBQ because we need to learn how to manage in busy situations. He was not happy about that. While we were discussing it, speak of the devil, M called to say she had some news and needed to talk to me. I quickly took the phone out of earshot. M told me that on Monday, during CW's outburst, he had kicked her so hard (among other bruises and scrapes) that he had sprained her ankle!!! She told me not to feel guilty (how could I not?) because this is the job she signed up for and it happens all the time. She also let me know that another great therapist will be joining us tomorrow at the BBQ to help us and will also be working with CW for the next few weeks. Just great. I mean, I am glad that the agency we are working with is still able to help us, but how scary is that, that my kid managed to hurt a trained therapist that badly? And what if it had been me, or AK, or the dentist??? I'm just scared that one day it will be.

At this point, I don't even want to go to the BBQ, and I'm thinking maybe we should just cut bait and have the therapist come to our house instead and work with CW. Only thing is, the whole point is to try to give him coping mechanisms for dealing with difficult situations and this is bound to be one of them, since these types of things tend to be overwhelming for him. But really? Maybe we should just try to avoid those situations altogether for a while....if that's possible....we might not get out much this summer!

I really hate roller coasters

2010-05-28T06:27:00.001-07:00

And that's what life has been like lately. CW's behaviour at school - knocking on wood now - has been remarkably good. At home, while the improvements have not been as dramatic, they have definitely been noticed. He has been somewhat more compliant, although I suspect a lot of that has to do with change on our part, as in, the WAY we ask him to do things. Always making it seem like he has a choice in the matter, when in reality, it's just two different ways of doing the same thing.

Things at home with his sister AK, and with us when we want him to do something either schoolwork or chore related? Not so good. And still...the occasional huge meltdown involving physical kicking, hitting and biting happens. I know that's inevitable and there will be good days and bad days. Maybe it's the fact that thankfully they are occurring far less frequently now, that when they do happen...well they seem just that much worse since I'm no longer used to them being a daily occurrence. I don't know.

This morning, when I got CW up, he began complaining of a sore leg. From the get go, sympathetic mom that I am, I really didn't think there was anything wrong with him and told him to get over it and get dressed, which he did, but very reluctantly. All though breakfast he complained, so much so that he wouldn't walk to school. Thankfully the huz was still here and offered to drive him. However, when I got there to drop off AK, the staff were having a problem with him because he wouldn't move. I managed to get him to a safe hallway, but then I didn't know what to do. Thankfully, I had my therapist friends to call on this time. I managed to get hold of one of them and told them the situation and just hoped for some advice, which they gave me. And it made so much sense I really wish I could have thought of it myself.

They said, he's obviously trying to get attention. Don't give it to him. Let him sit there, tell him he's not making good behaviour choices and wait until he is. Without talking. So we sat in that hallway. For an hour. Finally, his teacher walked by and he got up and said "I'm ready to go now!" and off they went!!!! WTF!

Anyway...hopefully he will last through the day without further incident. I tried to get out of him whether there was some other reason he didn't want to go to school but he wouldn't budge. Where could he possibly have gotten this stubborn streak from? Certainly not me :)

The light is getting brighter.

2010-04-28T17:58:00.000-07:00

I'm scared to even say it, yet again. Because the last time I posted about how much better CW had been behaving...he proceeded to scratch one kid and hit another the very next day at school. But thankfully....so far, that has been just a blip in his otherwise quite incredible behaviour change of late!

The huz and I had a meeting this morning with two therapists that have been working with him regularely at the wonderful agency that we are paying through the nose for. But if this is truly a lasting change, it will have been worth every penny. I can't help but still be skeptical though...is it really possible? I'm hoping that indeed it is. That maybe the shoe has in fact really dropped and CW realizes that he can to some extent control his own destiny? And maybe not getting into trouble daily is better? Maybe I'm not giving my own kid enough credit and he's smarter than I thought!

I'm doing my best to praise him for every day that I don't get a phone call from the school. Only trouble is...he's expecting big rewards. I've been trying to keep the rewarding to lots of hugs and kisses and extra time spent with him playing games and doing things he wants to do. But he keeps begging for trips to toy stores and bigger material gifts as rewards. I really don't want to cave to that, but I also fear that if I don't, he might think all this good behaviour isn't all it's cracked up to be. Is it too much to hope for that he'll see some intrinsic value to behaving well? A more peaceful life? Less time spent in the school office? Who knows. We shall see I suppose.

Tomorrow we are having a follow up meeting with a psychologist that saw CW a few weeks ago, to hear her recommendations for how to proceed. Although I'm pretty curious about what she'll have to say because during the time that she was supposedly "assessing" him, he was an absolute angel.

So for the time being, unless said psychologist tomorrow has something drastically different to add, we are going to continue doing what we're doing because it seems to be working...knocking on wood now. Also, the therapists told us today that while CW is working with one of them, another one would be able to spend some time with me for a bit of parent coaching, which I think is a wonderful idea. I just hope that I'll be able to remember what they tell me when the need arises.

Today...things are looking up!

2010-04-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

It seems I post more when things are not going well or I'm in a bad mood. But wait! As I've said many times, I'm determined to try to have a more positive outlook. Even more so due to the passing of another friend a couple weeks ago due to cancer. He was the most positive fun loving person and continued to be so right to the end. He even wrote his own eulogy that had everyone laughing and crying simultaneously.

So that said...and I'm knocking on wood here, things have been going great with CW. The other day, the VP of his school told me that he's been doing amazingly well and he's seen a big improvement lately. His teacher said something similar when I spoke to her yesterday. The skeptical part of me is all "there's no way his behaviour could have actually changed this quickly. It must be a coincidence and he's just not had the opportunity to cause trouble". But I really WANT to believe that something has clicked and he is starting to get it that life is better when you behave better? Who knows. I just don't want to change anything for fear that I will jinx this streak of goodness.

I have briefly discussed this with the therapists at the pricey yet wonderful private agency where CW has been going twice a week for the last couple of months. I want to know their thoughts and what the next steps should be, because while I love them...we can't keep up this pace forever, both due to financial and logistical reasons.

Or maybe it's just the weather! As I've remarked before, I really think that when the weather is nice, everything just seems that much better no matter what is going on. Which is why I'd really love to relocate somewhere warm and sunny. But in the mean time, I'm just going to try to appreciate the fact that it is spring HERE and make the best of it!

What's next

2010-04-08T18:22:00.000-07:00

I was feeling somewhat optimistic last week after our visit with a psychologist who reassured me that we will improve CW's behaviour prior to him becoming a teenager. When we left, she said she'd put together a plan of action and set up a meeting for both me and the huz to meet with her in a couple of weeks. She called me yesterday and the meeting is set for two weeks from now. I'm very much looking forward to hearing what she has to say. It's somewhat hard not to be skeptical though. I guess it's more that I don't want to get my hopes up and really believe that this "plan" we're going to get is a) going to be feasible, and b) going to really work to improve CW's day to day behaviour. But these are the experts right? And I need to have faith in them right? I guess I'm getting cynical after seeing so many so called "experts" who have yet to actually provide any real assistance and results. But then maybe I'm expecting too much - behaviour change takes time...and in our case...lots and lots of time, and money too.

Today CW was at one of his sessions with the private agency that we've been going to while we wait patiently for anything publicly funded to actually help. CW was in a mood because he DID NOT want to wear his spring jacket. We were out of options since he left his only other seasonably appropriate jacket at school yesterday and it's now missing. From the day I brought this jacket home - and it's super cool I might add - in a Brad Pit leather jacket with hoodie sweatshirt underneath kind of way - CW insisted without even trying it on that he hated it. I've since learned that I should try to avoid this by bringing home options of everything for him and letting him choose among them, then return the rejects. But come on? Really? For every piece of clothing I'm supposed to do that? And sometimes...like when the dance teacher says "you must wear solid black running shoes"...it's not really feasible to find two DIFFERENT types of solid black runners to let him choose from...I had a hard enough time finding ONE pair that were his size with velcro since he still can't tie laces, nevermind two different pairs. Can't he just learn that sometimes YOU JUST HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD? Am I asking too much here?

OK so I'm a little frustrated. I'm just exhausted by the fact that it seems I need to keep an instruction manual in my head of how to deal with every situation so that it doesn't result in a huge fight with CW a miserable mess at the end of it, when usually all we're trying to do is get out of the house to do something fun? I'm supposed to make everything a choice, or count down to the time we have to leave, or prepare him for any situation we may run into so he's not scared/surprised/excited/dissapointed/frustrated. Really? If that is what it takes I'll do my best. But sometimes I just want to scream JUST GET IN THE F&^^ing CAR NOW!!! instead of all the negotiating and cajoling and whatever other tactics I may need to use.

But maybe I've just been a lazy parent? Maybe this is what I should expect to have to do? Who knows. I just know what I see. And while I know that everyone has their struggles with their kids, I have once or twice witnessed a mom saying to her child one time and one time only "honey, please get in the car" and the child actually does it. So I know...sometimes out there, it does happen. Just not to me. Occasioanlly to me with my daughter...but even that is diminishing in frequency as she sees all the attention her brother gets for his behaviour lately.

Today when I picked up CW I learned that he had been in a fight with a girl whose house we were at for dinner and a playdate just yesterday. I hope it wasn't serious because it's the first time CW's been invited anywhere in quite some time and I really don't want it to be the last.

And finally, while I'm ranting, I hope it is warm and sunny tomorrow because I may lose my mind if I have to have one more argument about him not wanting to wear "the jacket". Funnily though, the behaviour therapist this morning was able to get him to put it on no problem. But after school, no way for me. I know this really has nothing to do with the jacket and it's a silly thing to fight about. But it comes back to this. Sometimes, you just have to suck it up and follow the rules!

We have a plan! or at least we will soon!

2010-03-30T12:57:00.000-07:00

Ever since we got home from our fabulous vacation in Florida, CW and I have been on a whirlwind of various therapy appointments and consultations. He has had some trouble with the re-entry into reality after two weeks away...as have I. After he hit a teacher on his second day back at school, I was beginning to get a little discouraged. I mean...we are paying through the nose for private therapy, because we just don't know what else to do...but we can't even tell if it's even helping? Or if it's even the right kind of help for his specific needs.

But today, we saw a new psychologist. We were referred to her by an agency that has been helping the daycare staff deal with CW's issues in their environment. The good news though, is that she is willing to try to get us, the school psychologist and herself ALL IN ONE ROOM...and COME UP WITH A PLAN!!! Yeee hawww! How long I've waited to hear words like that. She was also encouraging when I expressed my fears that if we didn't address CW's defiance and aggressiveness issues now that we'd have an out of control teenager. She said, no, we will make sure that does not happen. And she was very sympathetic and reassuring that we were doing all the right things to try to get CW the help he needs, and that this wasn't just "lack of consistent discipline" on our part as our pediatrician would have us believe.

This was definitely the most positive thing we've heard since beginning this ordeal. I just hope that once she has considered her findings and discussed them with the other psychologist et al, that the "plan" we come up with is practical and useful and actually, you know HELPFUL in taming CW's destructive behaviour, and allowing us to maybe start living like other families and not in fear of his outbursts. Or maybe we'll just get more advice on what to do in specific situations? Who knows...but it's something. And I'm hanging on to it.

A great and much needed escape so far

2010-03-10T17:30:00.000-08:00

We are approaching the half way point of our vacation in Florida. So far it has been heaven!

We spent the first two days at my parents place in Boca Raton, and then we drove down to Duck Key near Marathon in the Florida Keys, where we have been staying at Hawk's Cay resort. The place is beautiful...has several pools and restaurants and playground for the kids. The best part though? Called Camp Hawk...a drop off kids program where you can leave your kids for a half or full day and actually RELAX on your family vacation....which is usually an oxymoron. It is heaven! And the kids love it too :) The first day they got to go swimming and have ice cream and do crafts, and today they played beach volleyball and made slime which they were covered in when we picked them up....but it was sooo worth it!

This afternoon AK got her hair braided like a little island girl...and then we all got to spend time with dolphins. We got to pet a dolphin and feed it fish. A greedy bird even bit my hand as I held a fish out about to throw it to a dolphin! The kids had a blast. Tomorrow though, the huz and I get to do the grown up dolphin swim where we actually get to go in the water with them. I'm very excited...even though I have done it before, I just think dolphins are the coolest animals ever.

In CW news, his behaviour - well, I can't say it's been stellar, but the number of meltowns and crazy outbursts has been negligeable compared to what we see at home. And when he does, using the tricks that we have learned so far with the therapists help at home, we have been usually able to get him to snap out of it without too much trouble. Hopefully that will be the way for the rest of our vacation. Sure would be nice if we could just stay in this fantasy world where everyone, kids included are so relaxed that they forget to behave badly! But then that wouldn't be real life I suppose!

Anyway....I look forward to enjoying our last full day in paradise tomorrow and then back to my parents place on Friday. Which will still be vacation, but a small step towards near reality because the kids are so comfortable there they are likely to act a little more like they do at home! But here's hoping they are still in vacation mode enough to behave for the rest of the trip!

So far a much better week

2010-02-17T17:29:00.000-08:00

Last week stank. CW got suspended from school for a day. AK pooped in the pool. And I got a big A$$ parking ticket for parking for 2.5 seconds in front of the school.

This week...much better so far! We had a lovely long weekend. Took the kids skiing on Saturday. CW is really getting good at it - and actually learning to turn - which is good...because he could, you know CRASH if he didn't do that. AK, not quite as enthused about skiing, but I do think it's growing on her. Sunday, we took the kids to trampoline class as usual, then met some friends here for lunch. The kids were happy - hey who doesn't like hot dogs? I tried the spicy jerk sauce on one, and the sweet onion sauce on another - both with old cheddar cheese...mmm. After that, I needed some new long john's and we all needed helmets - for all the skiing we've been doing...so we headed over here to look for some. They have this cool indoor climbing wall. CW begged to do it even though there was a long line. I was very impressed about how patiently he waited, I guess because it was something he really wanted to do and we could leave if he didn't behave! But he waited, and he climbed...well about 2 feet...and then he let go and swung! He had a blast! Sunday night some friends dropped in for an unexpected visit...forcing us to do a quick clean up of our house - nothing like the "we'll be there in 20 minutes" phone call to get the house cleaned up in a flash! Monday was the family day holiday here in Ontario. I decided that with all the difficulties we've been having with CW, that it would be nice to have some one on one time with AK. So the huz took CW to the Auto show, and I took AK for a mani pedi! It was lovely and she is still loving the pink nail polish with sparkles that she got on her fingernails and toenails.

We had our next session with NBT agency on Tuesday and we go back again tomorrow. So far it has just been fun "get to know you" type activities. But the behaviour therapist said that tomorrow they will actually push him a little harder, basically to try to get him to melt down and then try to start teaching him better ways of coping. Crossing my fingers that a) it goes well ie: they get a reaction out of him and can get him to start learning to control himself, and b) that after they do in fact get him upset...that he will still want to go back! Because if he doesn't? It's gonna be REALLY difficult for me to get him there seeing as most days I have no car and have to trek a LONG way from the subway station to get to their office.

CW has had two good days at school so far this week, ie: no phone calls or visits to the vice principal's office. Let's hope the trend continues for the remainder of the week!

The good news is...we have only 17 more days until we leave for our annual March break trip to Florida. I. CAN'T. WAIT. Though I unfortunately worry that I will have to bring my laptop and steno machine with me because I can't be away from all things school for two whole weeks and not pay for it when I return. Although, I'm very tempted to do it anyway. But that just isn't my nature.

The saga continues...

2010-02-09T17:26:00.000-08:00

In a class that I'm currently taking, we are learning about personality types and taking various tests online to determine our character traits. Most of these tests I've done before, either at school or work, but it's still somewhat interesting to have a refresher. One of the tests is to determine whether you have an internal or external locus of control. People with an internal locus of control tend to believe that they make their own destiny, ie: they are in control of what happens to them. The things that happen, good or bad, are the consequences or rewards of their own actions. On the other hand, those with an external locus of control tend to believe that events are out of their control. Things just happen to them, but they don't actually have much hand in making them happen. People with an internal locus of control tend to be more successful which makes sense. Problem is, I thought I was one of those people. Events of late though...making me think maybe I swing more towards the external than I thought. Maybe it's just that it's more comforting to think that if you are in a crappy situation that it's not your fault that you are there, that it was circumstances beyond your control. Who knows. In any case....I really really don't want to think that CW's behaviour issues are the direct result of our parenting abilities. Because if they are? Well I should just throw in the towel right now.

This morning, a therapist from NBT agency (nice behaviour therapy) came to observe CW in his classroom setting. During the time that she was there? He was a model student. Sitting quietly at his desk, doing the work that was asked of him. She didn't disclose that she was there to watch him, but maybe he somehow knew? I don't know. But I guess after she left he lost it. I got a call this afternoon from the vice principal asking that I come pick up CW because he had gotten into a fight and injured 2 students and a teacher! He also "suggested" that I keep CW home tomorrow. While I appreciate that he's not formally suspending him, how is keeping a 7 year old home from school a punishment? It isn't. It's just a way of making the parents of the injured parties feel like something is being done about this delinquent.

Upon hearing this, I went to pick up CW and put him in his room. When he said he didn't want to go to his dance class, I decided he should. So we went. And then he punched a kid. Ugh.

I called NBT right away, and thankfully they agreed to fit him in tomorrow, since he won't be at school anyway. He wasn't supposed to start his therapy until next week, but luckily they can start tomorrow instead. I'm so glad, because otherwise I have no idea what I'd do with him all day that would not be fun and rewarding.

So after that ordeal, thankfully the huz came home early to help out. I went back to the school by car to pick up AK after swimming. Turns out she had pooped in the pool!!! So of course my germphobic self is now super paranoid that she is coming down with the dreaded stomach bug that has been going around. Thankfully (crossing fingers and knocking wood now), the staff said she had eaten fine today at daycare, and she was happy to eat at dinnertime. So here's hoping it was just an accident - but she hasn't had one of those in a while so it was a bit strange. I'll be on pins and needles all night I'm sure.

To top it off, we get outside after hearing about the poop incident, and there's a lovely yellow ticket flapping in the wind on the windshield of my car. 40 bucks!!! Was I really so distracted that I didn't see the sign? Apparently so. I'm just hoping that thing they say, about bad things coming in threes, is true. because then I'm done. At least for today.

Another day, another...assessment?

2010-02-05T17:56:00.001-08:00

So I think the last time I posted, we had just gone for our meeting with our first private agency to discuss getting CW some urgent but non publicly funded therefore insanely expensive help. But at least...they are quick! We have scheduled an "observation" where someone from said agency is going to come observe CW in the school setting. And then the following week, we will begin going to our twice weekly sessions, at least for the first few weeks. I am encouraged by how quickly they are moving...but they damn well better if their services are gonna be worth what we are shelling out.

In the meantime, even though we were pretty much sold on the first agency we saw, let's call them Nice Behaviour Therapists - NBT for short, we decided to also attend our initial meeting with another agency that we were considering. For this one, they requested that we bring CW, which was a red flag for us from the get go, but we tried to keep an open mind.

When we arrived at the location where we were supposed to have our interview with the therapist, it was at a house in a residential neighbourhood. Now I completely get that nowadays lots of people have home offices and work from home etc, but it felt weird. What felt even weirder is that when the therapist answered the door, we were ushered in, with not a mention of here, I'll take your coats or anything. It just was odd. Anyway, we were told to come in and have a seat - at her kitchen table! It was a beautiful house and all, and I had no problem being there, but you'd think if this was any kind of business worth it's salt, she'd have some sort of office space set up and an area that was somewhat kid friendly - if this is what they supposedly do. I did know that this was just the interview, and if this agency was to actually help us, it would be in a group setting that would meet at a nearby community centre, but it didn't make this initial meeting feel any less bizarre.

From looking at the group's website - it looked to me like they offered the same kind of services as NBT's did, behaviour therapy in a group, or however best meets your needs, as well as parent counselling and coaching. But when we met with this woman, she was really pushing the group, and I got the impression that that was really all that they actually did. The group did seem to offer a lot of the things that CW needs - help with agression, controlling outbursts etc. But there would be 8 other kids in the group, and while it was a lot more reasonably priced than NBT, it did in fact seem that you would get what you pay for - not nearly as much attention.

Plus considering the logistics of getting there once a week right in the middle of dinner time, while also trying to pick up AK and manage the usual weeknight craziness....just didn't seem worthwhile for a group that didn't look like it would help all that much. The kicker though, was really the demeanor of the therapist that we met. She was really nice and all, but just didn't seem that sincere and was a bit condescending. Plus, CW clearly didn't respond well to her so that would have really made things even more difficult than they need to be right from the start. Also, while we were talking, CW was bored out of his mind, and couldn't resist climbing all over her not very kid friendly living room furniture and getting way too close for comfort to her collection of porcelain egg cups! Even though I tried to keep an open mind as long as I could....we left with a "thanks, we'll think about it" and quickly got the hell out of dodge.

In the meantime, I also got an application form for another publicly funded agency that has a behaviour therapy group starting in September that CW might be elligeable for. Which is good, because by then we'll be broke from all our visits with NBT so it will be timely to get some free (well paid for by our taxes anyway) help. So I filled that out, and had to ask CW's poor teacher to fill out yet another questionnaire about him, bless her heart.

And finally, we also got notice of a meeting next week at the school, to discuss what services the school board's social worker and psychologist can offer us. So things are moving.

But in the mean time....at least for the next month or so until of our other many eggs comes through...CW will finally start getting some actual help with NBT. It couldn't come fast enough for me. My shins are bruised all over from the almost daily kicking, the latest this morning because he needed 3 dollars for school and I dared to offer him a toonie and 4 quarters instead of the toonie and a loonie that his heart desired! IT. HAS. TO. END.

Another day, another therapist

2010-02-03T13:28:00.000-08:00

Today we had our initial consultation with a private agency that provides behaviour therapy amongst a host of other services for children. As I've described here before, we are on a number of wait lists for publicly funded services, through the school system, the daycare and other public health agencies. However, since CW's behaviour seems to be escalating...we need to do something FAST if we want him to be able to stay at his school and daycare.

So at this appointment, we described CW's escalating violent behaviour and defiance. They seemed to have a lot of experience with this kind of thing and know how to handle it. Of course, at the rates they are charging....they had better! They recommend twice weekly sessions at their offices at least initially, and then they will "transition" to the home or other environments like school or daycare to make sure he can use the coping skills learned in any situation. It all sounds good in theory....but there are a couple of concerns. Firstly, the logistics. I'm not sure a)when we'll be able to fit in twice weekly sessions, and b) how in the world I will get him there. I will most likely be taking public transit and it isn't terribly accessible. And as you know if you've been reading...if CW doesn't want to do something? Well it ain't gonna be easy. Secondly, the cost is exorbitant. At $120 per hour and they reccommend 3 hours per week...well you do the math. Who has that kind of cash? Thankfully my parents have offered to help which is great. But still, that's an expense we won't be able to sustain for a long period of time.

Tomorrow we are meeting with another agency just to have a frame of reference. We hope to see if they promise the same type of results and cost as much etc. But maybe you get what you pay for? Who knows.

Anyway, my hope is that if we go with one of these private agencies, at least to get over the initial hump where he's getting himself into trouble daily, maybe after a month or two we'll see enough results that we can scale back the number and frequency of sessions. Or at least maybe by then, one of the many wait lists we are on for publicly funded help will come through for us so we can stop paying through the nose.

The good news is? CW has had three good days in a row with no trouble! Maybe he's finally realized that we're getting serious in not putting up with it? That would be nice. Might just be luck too though in that no one has pissed him off...who knows!

Denial or not

2010-01-28T09:37:00.000-08:00

I just came from a meeting with my son's pediatrician. If you've been reading, you'd know that we have been having some behavioural issues with CW, and are following up many leads on how to get him, and us, some help.

Anyway, I don't know what I was hoping to accomplish with this pediatrician visit, but I certainly did not get what I expected. I think maybe I was hoping for some suggestion that I hadn't thought of or some insight that hadn't been covered by any of the specialists we'd talked to yet. And of course being a doctor I was hoping he could reassure me that there was nothing physically wrong with my son.

What did I get? Well in a nutshell...I got a slap in the face of "90% of the time, it's up to the parents to make 90% of the changes that will effect change in the behaviour of the child" My first response was to be angry because no one wants to feel like a bad parent who isn't doing what they should with their kids. After digesting this news for a while though, I wonder if maybe he's right? Maybe we haven't been using effective discipline strategies consistently enough? Maybe not distributing rewards enough when CW does behave well? I've done all the reading and know a fair bit of what should be done in theory, but maybe in actual fact we haven't been as diligent in following through as we could have?

My mom of course said "what does a medical doctor know about behaviour, other than if it's ADHD, which we has pretty much been ruled out. And maybe she has a point too, because much of his out of control behaviour occurs when we aren't even around. Of course the doctor's reasoning is that if CW learns such behaviour won't be tolerated at home, he may refrain from testing the limits at school and elsewhere. Who knows!

So really nothing had changed. We still have meetings coming up out the yin yang. Behaviour therapy groups. Individual therapy and parent coaching. Psychological testing. Social working. And hopefully at least one of these forms of intervention will help us help CW, or help him help himself, whichever the case may be. Hey I'm all for admitting that I don't know everything there is to know about parenting, and getting help when we need it. I'm up for the challenge. But I do think that even at age 7, some of the work has to fall on our child with accepting responsibility for his actions and at least acknowledging right from wrong even when he does wrong. Who knows...we'll see how this view may or may not change next week after I see more experts on the subject.

The light is flickering...

2010-01-21T16:00:00.000-08:00

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know there is, there has to be. I'm just posting here again about CW's behaviour issues because I'm so so so hoping that one day in the not too distant future it will be a faint memory and that we can enjoy how much better things are and how much he has improved.

But well, this week? Has SUCKED with a captial S. And it's only Thursday. CW has had several incidents which put him into the vice principal's office. Throwing a chair, biting a teacher and hitting another kid with a book were among his many transgressions. He spent a LOT of time with the vice principal this week, who thankfully is quite good with him. But obviously that is not a long term solution.

Yesterday, things came to a head, as they seem to every few weeks when CW seems to reach some kind of internal boiling point and have a more major than normal outburst. I was called into the school at around 1pm because he had again tried to bite a daycare teacher. Why? Because she asked him to hang up his lunch bag. CW as usual couldn't articulate why he had done it and was perfectly calm by the time I got there. I ended up leaving, but when I picked him up a few hours later, I was told that he had acted up again in the afternoon after I left. I was then also informed that CW has so many strikes against him with both the daycare and the school that if this keeps up we run the risk of him being suspended!!! My poor little adorable sweet baby boy!! I just could not believe my ears. And I know they are trying to be on my side and help as much as they can, but school officials of course have to be concerned with the safety of their staff and the other students.

What are we doing to help him? Everything we can think of. Unfortunately, everything is just moving too slowly. We are on several wait lists for group therapy or behaviour therapy but everything just takes so long! I'm so so afraid that my little boy is going to get himself into even deeper trouble before we can even begin to get him the help he obviously needs. The school and daycare are both "seeing what they can do" and we have met with someone who is in the process of assessing him and trying to get him in line for help. I'm meeting with his pediatrician and two private agencies in the next week. I just with that somehow we could keep him from getting into more trouble before help arrives!!! I'm crossing my fingers that there will be some calm now after this latest ordeal and that will at least give us some breathing room.

The good news in all of this? I'm SO glad I'm no longer working at my old job in advertising. Because if I was? I would definitely have been fired by now because of all the times I would have had to run out of the office to pick up my troubled boy or take him to some appointment or another. That's the only silver lining I can think of right now. But it's a start.

Back on the horse...

2010-01-16T18:52:00.000-08:00

Well chairlift actually. Today I went skiing with my family. It was the first time I'd been on skis for about 8 years. The last time was just before I got pregnant with CW on a trip to Mount St. Anne in Quebec. They say it's like riding a bike...you know that the muscle memory is there if you used to do it a long time ago.... so that's what I was hoping!

We arrived at Dagmar ski resort...which is about a 40 minute drive from our house. It's tiny, but perfect for beginners...and those of us who haven't skied in 8 years or so...We had booked a lesson for CW and one of his friends from school, and also a lesson for AK. It worked out well because then it would give the grownups a chance to ski while the kids had their lesson.

As soon as the kids were safely off with their instructors, we strapped on our boots and got ready to go out. I was just walking out of the lodge when I hear a loud "snap" and I look down to find the toe of my ski boot lying in the snow....no longer attached to the rest of my boot! I guess I should have listened yesterday when I took my equipment in for a tune up and the guy told me my stuff was old and I should consider investing in some new gear!!! No sooner did I walk inside to get a pair of rental boots...when the toe of the other boot snapped off as well!!! I couldn't do anything but laugh at that point, and also be grateful that it happened while I was walking to the hill and not actually skiing! I can only imagine how catastrophic that could have been had my boot fallen apart while I was actually moving!!!

So we had a laugh about that, and I shelled out another $18 to rent a pair of boots for the day. And finally we were off! We had a little time left to ski with our friends before the kids finished their lessons and that was fun. It took a little getting used to, and it was a little heavy because it's been pretty warm the last couple of days, but it felt pretty good! And then when the kids were done we went over and skied with them some more. AK had enough pretty quickly...so the huz took her inside for a donut so the rest of us could get some more runs in. CW did really well....apart from the meldowns he had whenever things didn't go his way....

He pretty much goes straight down though...but he does seem to know how to stop which is good! Hopefully with a few more lessons he'll start to see the value of turning once in a while! But I do feel happy that we made it out there again and that this may soon be an activity that the whole family can enjoy together.....as soon as I get me some new boots!

A good night and a light at the end of the tunnel

2010-01-05T16:44:00.000-08:00

Since I've resolved to be more of a glass half full type of girl, I want to make sure to post today because we had a good night. This morning when I was struggling to get out the door with the kids I didn't have high hopes for this day, but thankfully...instead of going downhill as things often can when they start off bad...today, things only improved as the day went on!

In the morning, I had to basically heft CW up by the hood of his coat to get him out the door. Something out him wanting his snow pants (which were at school and which he never wants to wear on the 1 block walk there)...anyway...we got out the door and he wanted to walk so far ahead of us that we couldn't even see him, which was fine by me because at least that way he couldn't beat up his sister (or kick me in the shins)

But thankfully...by the time we arrived at the school things were looking up. He was in a much better mood and gave me a hug goodbye as he ran off cheerfully to play with his friends. I was scheduled to volunteer in AK's class today so I quickly grabbed my gingerbread latte fix from Starbucks...because they won't be around all year you know...(sad). Had a great time being around the kindergarteners...they are so much fun and full of energy...and most of it positive, that's what I love about being there. It's so uplifting and rewarding! Though I could never tolerate it day in and day out...I can sort of see the appeal of being a kindergarten teacher in some minuscule way!

After that, it was time for lunch and some schoolwork for me. Then in the afternoon, I got a call from an agency that is going to assess CW at the daycare he attends. I'm so so sooo crossing my fingers that when they come they see what they need to see, and get him some help!!! And if they could actually come to the daycare and see him when he is there? How absolutely fabulous would that be because it wouldn't take away any of our precious fun time at home or take him away from any of the other activities that he enjoys. Also, talking to the therapist on the phone was so helpful. She was really nice and had lots of tips and just to have her listen and tell me that we were doing all the right things and taking steps to get help for CW just made me feel so much better. Also her reassurances that not all defiant 7 year olds end up in juvie was good to hear too.

After school I picked up CW and took him to his first all male hip hop class! Since the jazz didn't go over well, mainly because he refused to wear the shoes, we decided to try this out - and it was. AWESOME! The instructor is a dude named Rodrigo who showed up dressed for the part in low slung long shorts and baggy hoodie playing ultra cool music! The boys loved it and also, there was a kid in CW's class also enrolled which made it even better! Never mind the fact that he was the kid that CW hit with a towel after swimming yesterday and left a welt :( Thankfully he seems to have gotten over it and they are friends now and happy to be in the same dance class!

While CW danced, I had to race back to the school where AK had swimming at her daycare. I picked her up, then took her back to the dance class to pick up CW. It was a crazy amount of walking around and not ideal in the snowy cold weather...BUT actually...it ended up being somewhat enjoyable. Because I got one on one time with each kid, and also managed to avoid the double pick up from different rooms and try to get out of their in one piece iwth minimal screaming at the school! I also got in a workout while racing from dropping off CW to go get AK...I I think it's a win win all around...hopefully I continue to feel that way after doing it for a few Tuesdays!

When the class was over, it was getting late and I really didn't feel like going home and doing the 6 o'clock scramble, so I decided to take the kids out to dinner...to Subway...at least it wasn't the golden arches so I don't feel too bad about that! And I gave them the lowdown before we went in...no screaming, no fighting, no kicking, no name calling, no eating your dessert until you finish your sandwich and veggies......And it went surprisingly well! CW decided to sit at his own table...score! There was no fighting!!! No pushing!!! It was great! Now it was too bad it took him sitting at his own table...but hey..if that's what it takes for a peaceful dinner once a week? I'll take it!

We then came home...got the kids ready for bed...and CW is finishing his reading while I type this. So all in all...a pretty good night. Let's hope it's not a fluke and bodes well for the future...or at least future Tuesdays!

Back to school tomorrow

2010-01-03T18:37:00.000-08:00

Yeeehawww...vacation is over and life will return to normal! Never thought I'd be happy about that! But well...though it's been a lot of fun...this holiday has been exhausting. CW's tantrums are still out of control and though I hate to admit it...I'm actually looking forward to them being out of the house tomorrow am! Lucky for me...school for ME does not start back until Jan 11th, so I have a bit of time to catch up on all the work I should have been doing while on holidays!

I just realized that I haven't said much about my school since I started in Sept, and hopefully one day when I'm working away in my new proffession..I'll want to look back on the learning process. It's pretty frustrating much of the time, the learning that is. But the good news is, I actually think that this is a job I will one day actually enjoy, and maybe even be good at!

It's hard to tell now really, because well...I'm at about 25-30 words per minute with my steno.....and well I need to get into the 200's for a career in realtime! And the learning is slow and the practicing is frustrating and agonizing at times. However, the cool thing is...the more I practice, it actually makes a difference. And the other cool thing is, when I look back at what I was learning when I began just four short months ago, that stuff seems like a piece of cake and I was sweating bullets about it back then!

I'm in the second half of learning my pheonix theory. Which in case anyone is interested is a method of learning to steno, or type on a stenographic keyboard. I'm just getting into multisyllabic words and more complicated concepts. I have a long way to go, and I'm still very very slow...but I can actually now see how it's actually feasible to get up to such high speeds...hopefully feasible for ME!!! At times the work is somewhat repetitive and it takes a ton of time and practice...but I don't really mind! I've come to realize that many of the things I actually enjoyed about my previous jobs in advertising and otherwise have been the repetitive tasks that I can improve upon each time I do them.

The part I don't like about this program I'm taking...is all the OTHER course work that takes me away from practicing steno which is the ultimate goal. So far I've completed Medical Terminology and Law Terminology. I'm still part way through the Current Events course, which is ongoing, and then there will be another "academic" course starting Jan 11th. The amount of work for these additional courses was pretty unexpected and I know I'm not the only student who thinks the workload for them is a bit excessive...but since the whole school and program is relatively new, I guess we are kind of the guinea pigs. I just hope they take some of our constructive criticism to heart for the next group of students.

Anyway....with the kids back to school tomorrow, I hope to get lots more practice in ....in addition to cleaning and organizing the house after all the new "stuff" that came into it over the holidays.

Happy New Year

2010-01-02T19:13:00.000-08:00

We returned home today after celebrating the ringing in of 2010 in beautiful Niagara Falls. It IS beautiful, only this time of year...it's also COLD! Yeah yeah we're supposed to be rugged Canadians and all...but still...the COLD makes cute little towns like Niagara Falls, well, not nearly as hospitable as they are in summertime.

Anyway...off we went Dec 31st and arrived in early afternoon at our hotel overlooking the falls. Only our room overlooked a parking lot. Oh well. We could have upgraded...but since we wouldn't (hopefully) be spending all that much time in the room we decided against spending the extra money. We checked in and asked my offspring if either of them would like to go exploring. CW said yes so off we went. All was good until we realized just how long the walk was to where all the action was...the walk certainly didn't seem long when it was warm out...but it sure did this time! Anyway...we made it...and we went to the funhouse! Tacky but fun. Until CW had his first of many monstrous meltdowns/tantrums of the trip. There was a tunnel that he was afraid to go through and there were people lined up behind him and no other way out. Had to carry him kicking and screaming.

Then there was the mini golf - he doesn't like to lose. Each time I beat him at a hole, he would have a fit. I mean, should I deliberately suck all the time and let him win? I'd rather him have a fit with me than lose it with his friends over a game at school. The kid needs to learn that isn't worth a fit.

The fun continued next day when we had to wait in line for the giant ferris wheel. Yes it was cold, but we had to wait all of 5 minutes and that was all it took for CW to lose it. Then there was bowling. Gutter ball = meltdown.

But it wasn't all bad. There were a few moments where I said to myself "this is why we are doing this and why all this is worthwhile and why I'm glad we bothered leaving the house". The first one was shortly after we arrived at our hotel. For once..instead of fighting, our kids grabbed their sleeping bags that they like to bring when they go away, and started jumping around in them doing potato sack races. They were playing and laughing and actually enjoying being together without anyone getting hurt. Unfortunately we couldn't let that go on too long or someone would have gotten hurt.

The next great moment came during the New Year's celebrations. The great thing about Niagara Falls is that they do an early celebration at 9pm for the kids with bands playing and fireworks which the kids rarely get to see because we tend to be pretty rigid about bedtimes. But there our kids were, all bundled up in their snowsuits, just enjoying the music and being outside. At one point they were even dancing!

And finally yesterday when we were waiting for a shuttle bus (for what seemed like forever) to take us back to our hotel after dinner and it was snowing. The kids started trying to catch snowflakes on their tongues! They were so thrilled to be doing that for a good 15 minutes!!! It was magical to see them so happy and enjoying each other's company. Until CW decided to dissappear into a restaurant without telling us and gave us a bit of a heart attack and we almost missed the bus that we had been waiting outside for 25 minutes for!

Here's hoping that 2010 has more of those moments to remember (and less of the type that I don't want to remember)

Merry Christmas to all...

2009-12-24T06:50:00.001-08:00

I really can't believe tonight is Christmas Eve!! We are ready...well as much as one can be! Gifts are wrapped (and hidden). Bags are packed - to go to another two Christmas celebrations tomorrow after gifts at home. And I'm at home with CW while the huz finishes up a few things at work with AK in tow (and along with portable DVD player to watch Ariel if she gets bored).

The end of this year has really snuck up on me. Maybe it's because we went away in early December and then it seemed like all of a sudden the holiday season was here. I don't know...but it seemed pretty rushed! It's been a year of ups and downs. I quit my job and became a part time student and am now able to enjoy more time with my kids. CW finished grade 1 and started grade 2...and that has brought with it some behavioural challenges...that we continue to work on. AK left her old daycare and started junior kindergarten. She was also potty trained and is also about to give up her nighttime pullup so we'll be done with diapers for good...yeeehawww! So all in all it's been a pretty eventful year. Also thankfully a healthy one.

We've had varying degrees of success so far with the new poker chip economy that we've instituted with CW. He earns them for good behaviour...and spends them for priveledges that he wants. He seems pretty motivated which is good - but so far...well his behaviour when he's faced with a "no" is still...well pretty atrocious. Had to drag him out of Disney on ice halfway through the other day because he was having a fit over not buying anything. It wasn't pretty. There was kicking, and yelling and biting. But he got a talking to and some time out...and here's hoping he learned from the experience. I know a few poker chips and timeouts can't solve anything...and there's more help coming his way soon...but it is certainly helping us manage in the short term.

As for the longer term....on Jan 7th, CW is being evaluated at his daycare by another agency. I'm really feeling good about that because the daycare where he goes after school is one of the places where his most aggressive behaviour tends to occur. I hate to say it but I kind of hope that he's having one of his bad days the day that they come, because if they see him at his most charming - like during the last assessment we went to...well I'm not sure how much they'll feel that he needs help.

The other agency we went to did call us back. As expected, they said that play therapy is likely more effective for behaviour issues than talk therapy for his age. And of course...there's at least a 6 month wait period for that. So what can you do. At least we're on the list, and hopefully the other agency through the daycare will come through in a more timely way. In the meantime...well it's poker chips.

Just want to say Merry Christmas to anyone reading!!! And all the best for 2010. 2010!!! That seems so way off in the future and I can't believe it's here. It seems like so recently we were all about the year 2000 and Y2K and all that much ado about nothing.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

The Sound of Music and my baby is 4

2009-12-16T18:20:00.000-08:00

Has it been that long? I just realized when blogger made me sign in that this is my first post since I've gotten my brand new laptop! Got a great deal on in in Florida because we were there shortly after thanksgiving when all the sales were still on. Which is good because my old one completely died right before we went away. Right in the middle of my Monday night class. You know, the one I cut my Florida trip with my family short so that I could go? Yeah that one, that ended up being totally unproductive and I might as well have been in Florida? Yup. But it's probably just as well, because I had a Law terminology midterm the day before we left, and even though I wrote it online...chances are I may have failed had I had to write it in Florida...or chances are I may have forgotten about it entirely. Anyway...all's well that ends well...we have been home for almost two weeks now...and my new laptop is working great.

Anyway...CW is participating in the after 4 program at his school. He is (well was) in the theatre program that was putting on the musical "The Sound of Music". So he needed a costume. So while we were in Florida, we searched high and low for cheap dress pants, dress shirt, a bow tie, and a German WW2 looking hat (WTF??) yeah we didn't know either.... Anyway...the pants and shirt were not too hard to find, and we found a hat that we thought was suitable...but the bow tie? Not so much...we searched high and low, and couldn't not find anything less than $45 which I was not going to spend on a fancy bow tie that my son would likely wear only once....

Anyway...when we got home, my dad said that he had one!! Nevermind the fact that he was in the room when we were discussing where could we possibly get one...didn't think to mention that he had one we could use. So we had the costume. Shortly after we got back to Toronto and CW went back to school, they had a dress rehearsal for the play. You know..the type of dress rehearsal where you are supposed to wear your costume? Well CW refused adamately, saying he had the stupidest costume and he didn't like his lines and he no longer wanted to be in the play. I was hoping maybe when he actually got to the rehearsal he'd get over it...but well...CW is pretty stubborn...and he refused to wear his costume or participate in the rehearsal in any way.

I was torn - half of me was like "maybe he has stage fright and is nervous, I shouldn't push him" it's not like he had a huge part. But the other half was like "he can't just rehearse for 10 weeks and bail on the whole cast at the last minute, he made a committment to this (and I paid way too much money)" So anyway I just let it go and hoped by play day he'd change his mind.

The night before the play, CW was still adamant that he didn't want to be in the play. I tried telling him he'd be letting people down and committment and blah blah blah...but he wasn't having any of it. I told him he could tell the director himself (hoping she'd talk him into it the next day) I did email the director and told her that we may have a problem and she said she'd see what she could do and was she allowed to bribe him with chocolate...and I said of course, do what you need to do.

So play day, yesterday, arrived. They were to do the show twice, once during the school day for the whole school and once later for anyone who wanted to come. I decided to go to the later show, but told the director I'd have my cell phone in case of disaster. Play time rolled around and I didn't hear anything...so I was hoping no news was good news. I showed up for the second show and the other kids told me that not only had CW been in the play, but he had been great! Shortly before the show started CW came running up all excited and asked me if I was going to watch the show!!! I told him how proud of him I was and how excited I was to see him in action. Of course...the costume was still not on. So he played a WW2 black tie party goer in a T-shirt and jeans with his blue winter boots....but hey, he was in the play!!!

Afterwards he was thrilled and I told him how proud I was of him. Then he started talking about how he wants to be on TV. I told him...maybe...but that he'd have to learn to wear whatever they wanted and say his lines even if he didn't feel like it. I think he'll have to think about that one for a while!

******

Today...my BABY AK turned 4 years old!!! We had her party on the weekend. It was a little mermaid extravaganza thanks to Ariel....who showed up to sing and play with the kids!!! AK is OBSESSED with little mermaid so she couldn't have been more thrilled! After songs and playing, AK and all the girls got their makeup done, and the boys got tattoos. Then the presents!!! CW was not thrilled because for his birthday he didn't get many presents because he chose to have a sleepover with only 3 guests ...whereas AK had about 15 kids...but I sort of saw that coming and picked up a small toy for him. I know he needs to learn that he won't always get gifts when she does....but this didn't seem like a good time for that lesson.

I still can't believe she is really 4. And my baby is getting so big!

*****

In other news....CW's behaviour...well we're still having issues because really we're in a bit of a holding pattern right now. The agency that assessed him is supposed to get back to us with some sort of timeline for next steps. But right before the holidays isn't really a good time for anyone so I will follow up with them in early Jan. In the meantime, I read the book "your defiant child" and am trying to convince everyone who interacts with CW to read it too. We have started using some of their strategies and so far so good, but it's only day 2. I think the kicker though - is that it is a LOT of work for US to follow this program and I really hope that WE can stick to it. It's basically a reward system - which we have tried many times to little avail. Only this one is really specific. I made a big chart that shows specific tasks or behaviours that earn poker chips, and then below that is another chart that shows what priviledges those chips can be redeemed for. Some fo the rewards are small things that can be achieved daily, and some are larger and the chips need to be accumulated over a longer period of time to earn.

But even in these two days, CW has shown a real interest in earning chips - and moreso spending them. He has gone upstairs and taken a shower and gotten into his PJ's all by himself which is very impressive, along with other tasks like brushing his teeth when asked once. The other issues though - with his explosiveness and aggressive behaviour towards us and his sister will need more work. But we are hoping that if we can keep up with this positive reinforcement - of EVERY little good thing he does at least for the time being - he'll start to see the benefits of behaving well, and maybe it will become the norm rather than the exception. Here's hoping that he can change his automatic impulses from aggressive to....well not so aggressive. Here's hoping that he's able to think before he acts - that's the biggie....crossing my fingers.

A break from reality, yes, but a vacation? Not so much...

2009-12-04T17:27:00.000-08:00

We're nearing the end of our brief "vacation" at my parents place in Deerfield Beach, Florida. I put the word "vacation" in quotes, because well, post kids...it just doesn't feel like quite the right word. BK (before kids) the word "vacation" conjured up images of lounging by a pool or beach, drink and trashy novel in hand, with not a care in the world save for when and what to have for dinner or when is it time to take a dip in the pool to cool off. Now? Well...that vision doesn't quite apply.

Thankfully I can report that CW is reaching the stage in his swimming ability where if it was just him it might actually be feasible to lounge poolside, but of course while maintaining a vigilant eye on him and be ready to jump in fully clothed should he have any trouble. And while it's nice to have the ability to be poolside at all, having to be that vigilant doesn't allow for much relaxation. And also...well that would be in the situation where only CW was present and wanted to go swimming, which of course, is rarely the case...since whatever her big bro is doing, AK wants to do too. She unfortunately is not at a level in her swimming where you don't have to be IN the pool with her within arms' length at all times. Which requires actually getting wet and staying in the pool for MUCH longer than I'd usually prefer. Not that I'm complaining...not at all. I am enjoying being in the warm weather with my family...it's just not relaxing or rejuvinating exactly, just sayin'

In addition to the swimming in the pool, we've been to the beach, been to Gumbo Limbo, a nearby nature reserve that is just the right size for the kids and AK and the huz went to Butterfly World where they were able to see lots of butterflies and birds up close. We've also done lots of shopping and eating at my favourite South of the border but not available in Canada places including Target, Macy's, Nordstrom, JC Penney, Cold Stone Creamery, California Pizza Kitchen, Olive Garden and PF Chang's. The only one of my favourites we haven't hit yet is Sonic and there's still one more day lol. Some days I think I'd really love to move here to South Florida....I could really get used to no winter and all this great stuff so cheap and all this good food....Oh but wait. I'd be 1000 pounds and oh no OHIP...so for now I think I'll stick to visiting. Often. Thankfully we are fortunate to have parents with a free place for us to stay!

Anyway....CW's behaviour while on vacation...well he's had good days and bad days, same as at home I guess. We have been trying the "poker chip" strategy that I read about in the book Your Defiant Child, and when we actually manage to follow through with rewarding every single minute instance of remotely good behaviour he actually seems somewhat motivated. Yesterday we told him if he had 10 poker chips left at the end of the day he would earn 15 minutes of Nintendo DS playing. He did it, but then when he got his reward he had a huge meltdown because I only brought one game with us to Florida and it wasn't the one he had been looking forward to playing. Ugh. Not a good way to end what was supposed to be a happy rewarding moment for him. Anyway...he eventually calmed down and played his game and all seemed right with the world. Unfortunately today he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and only earned two poker chips after a string of meltdowns and rudeness that left us shaking our heads. Here's hoping tomorrow he flips back so at least his last day in Florida might be a good one!

But the poker chip thing? Is a LOT of work. But then I guess good parenting IS a lot of work and that's the thing you have to accept. It's up to YOU, the grownups - to a large extent because what YOU do affects your child in such a large way. Not that I didn't know that, but I guess sometimes it just hits you in the face just to make sure you're paying attention.

But I promised to try to be more glass half full so here goes. This morning both kids had a swimming lesson and they were AWESOME! CW can actually swim for real! His back crawl rocks, his front crawl is pretty good too, and he can do a mean canonball. And it was a lot of fun to actually dive for weighted toys with him in the pool. AK who has never until now actually had any formal swimming lessons other than at school where there are like 20 other kids in the pool at the same time, did amazing too. While she was pretty apprehensive, she learned a lot in her 4 lessons, and my hope is if she has another string of lessons when we are back here in March, she'll be well on her way to actually swimming by the time she finishes summer camp next July.

So tomorrow is the last day of our "vacation" and then it's back to reality. Oh and back to school and my new laptop since mine died right in the middle of class last week. Nice. Thankfully my mom bought it for me as my Xmas gift since she said she didn't know what to get me, and there were still some awesome post Cyber Monday sales on here in the good ole US of A! Thanks Mom, you are the best!! So tomorrow, we hope to do some more "relaxing" by the pool...and eating...and maybe even a last minute Tarjay run :)

I wish I wrote this

2009-11-30T18:46:00.000-08:00

While I'm still smarting from some blogger drama, I'm really trying to move on. But, I just had to share this. I think it is brilliant and I wish I'd written it myself.

A brilliant Article in the Globe and Mail

'Nuff said.

A weekend of (some) fun with CW

2009-11-29T15:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning I dropped the huz and AK at the airport as they were leaving for Florida to visit my parents. CW and I will be heading there too on Tuesday AM...thanks to an exam that I had to write for one of my classes. But there were a few other reasons I thought that spending a few days with just CW would be good for him, well both of us actually.

If you've been reading, you'll know that we've been having some issues with CW and his behaviour of late. All the reading I've been doing - the Spirited Child, The Explosive Child, Your Defiant Child...all describe in some form or another, that in order to encourage good behaviour from a difficult child, you need to be sure to spend some quality time with them every day.

Of course I try to make as much of our time together quality always, but the books describe this time as unstructured, child centred...where they are the boss. No questions, criticism or rules are involved - unless the child makes them up. This isn't as easy as it sounds - even for 15 or 20 minutes...it is so hard to resist the temptation to take charge and insist that things be done a certain way, (well who are we kidding, MY way, for a control freak like myself). As soon as AK and the huz were safely deposited at the terminal, we came home and I asked CW what he wanted to do. We had some fun playing around the house and it was actually kind of nice.

However...as soon as we needed to go pick something up at my parents place that my dad needed us to bring with us on Tuesday, well things started to go downhill. CW just did not want to go. I promised him rewards, but he wasn't having any of it. I threatened punishments. He didn't care. Finally after asking him repeatedly to put on his shoes and coat and getting no response, I picked him up and threw him into the car with no shoes or coat and hit the road. Thankfully he didn't even have to get out of the car when we got to my parents place! Of course when we returned home he thought he deserved all the rewards I'd attempted to promise him in return for his co-operation with getting out the door! When I explained that he wasn't getting them because he never did put his shoes on and co-operate...well all bets were off for...pretty much the rest of the day.

After that point he didn't want to do anything. Didn't want to go to his dance class. Finally got him to go there, but then he wouldn't wear his shoes. Got him in the room but he wouldn't get up off the floor. Finally he participated for maybe the last 10 minutes of the class, but grudgingly. Overall it was generally not a good afternoon. And I admit to not handling it as well as I should have. You see I was so desperate to have CW enjoy a weekend of "mommy and CW" time, that I pretty much caved even when he wasn't doing as I asked. I tried threatening not to go to the movies as I'd promised if he wouldn't co-operate, but then even when he didn't I couldn't fathom what else we could do for the afternoon without both of us going crazy...so even though his behaviour had been disastrous, I took him anyway. I'm a sucker, and he knows it.

Thankfully though, he enjoyed the movie - Fantastic Mr Fox, and was much calmer afterwards. Enough so that we enjoyed dinner together at a deli before heading home. But after putting him to bed, I vowed to stick to my guns from now on or how can I ever expect him to believe me when I make threats or promises? But boy. It's HARD.

Today, it's like he woke up a new kid. I think as parents we sometimes forget that kids can have good days and bad days just like the rest of us. Sometimes they are just moody. The thing is though, we have to teach them that being in a bad mood is okay, it's not okay to behave badly because of it.

Anyway, fortunately for both of us today was a much better day. CW woke up early, but he quietly turned on his light and read a book so I could sleep in until the civilized hour of 7:30am! And even then he was content to read in his room while I showered and dressed. We had breakfast and went to his trampoline class. After that, I took him over to a friend's house for a playdate so I could get some school work done, and so he could see one of his best friends for a few hours. After that, we went and picked up some more xmas decorations and came home and sprayed some fake snow on the windows while getting dinner ready. Other than the fact that my snow reindeer looks much more like a lumpy moose...it went really well. We then had a nice dinner and hung out and did some of CW's homework. And now he's relaxing in front of the TV as a reward for being so well behaved today.

Yesterday I had some doubts about whether it was really fair on my part to keep CW home with me and shorten his trip to Florida. But after today I think it definitely was - he got some one on one with me - and also some time apart from his sister which I think was appreciated as well. I wish every day could be this good. Not sure what I can do to make that happen. But I'm working on figuring that out!

A touch of perspective, or a lot

2009-11-27T11:10:00.000-08:00

Just when you feel like you're about to be swallowed up in a mile long to do list and a whole host of petty problems, something happens that shows you, really, it could be a lot worse, and you should really buck up and appreciate what you have.

Today, it was the loss of a friend. A friend who I had never actually met in person, but felt closer to than some of my IRL friends. I had "known" this person online for almost 8 years as we both belonged to a wonderful online community called "the Nov/Dec 2002 playgroup" when we were all pregnant with our firstborns. Her and I were the only Canadians in the group with other members spanning the United States.

The members of our close knit group shared stories of pregnancy, childbirth and then all the trials and tribulations of life with a newborn. Then our newborns became toddlers, then preschoolers and kindergarteners, and fast forward to today when we all have our big kids - in 1st and 2nd grade, and some of us with 2nd, 3rd and even 4th borns as well. My friend was one of those who went on to have a second child. And now those two kids will have to grow up without their mother. It's just so tragic I don't know what else to say.

Not that this deserves to happen to anyone, but my friend was the kindest, most considerate and caring person out there, and she will be dearly missed by all who knew her, in person and online. If anyone had a problem, big or small, or just needed a shoulder, she was there with helpful advice and a big heart. And while our group has been somewhat quieter in recent months, her presence will be greatly missed by all of us in our little community. I don't have all the sad details, but from what I hear, she went from being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer earlier this week, to passing away this morning, all within the span of a few days. I can't imagine the shock and grief that her husband, children, friends and family must be feeling.

Upon hearing this horribly sad news, I was instantly reminded of how lucky I am to have my family and friends, and that they are all healthy. My problems all of a sudden seem insignificant and unworthy of the amount of stress they have been causing me. Once I am over the initial shock and grief of this horrible news, I'm avowing myself to really make an attempt to adopt a much more glass half full attitude, because really, my glass is way more than half full right now. That is the way my dear friend looked at life, and that is the way she will be remembered.

The long road to somewhere...I hope

2009-11-24T18:28:00.000-08:00

Today I picked up CW at lunch time to take him to his assessment by an agency that provides assistance to families in the form of behaviour and other therapies. The funny thing is, when I arrived at the school to get him, the daycare teacher in the room where he was eating lunch told me that he was having a particularly good day and was exceptionally good at lunch!

I knew my son was a smart cookie...I had told him I would be picking him up early to take him to see some people who would talk to him and help him not feel so angry all the time and help him get along better with people. I guess maybe he thought if he was well behaved today he wouldn't have to go? I don't know if he really made that connection...but it was amusing nonetheless. Although if there's any day I actually wanted him to be in one of his "moods" it was today, in hopes that the people we were meeting would see a tantrum in full force and see how much we really need their help!

Anyway, off we went via subway downtown where he was a perfect gentleman. He held my hand, did as he was told, and we even stopped at Starbucks for a snack for him and tea for mommy! And the kicker is, that when he was told that they were all out of rice crispie squares, instead of melting down like he almost always does when he can't have his way, he simply said "ok, I'll have banana bread instead" I was all "who are you and what have you done with my son?" But in a good way! So off we went and we arrived a little early so we sat in the waiting area where they had a chalkboard. He proceeded to do some really great drawing...and MATH!!! WTF??? I've never seen him voluntarily do math? Uh...maybe we need a chalkboard at home? Who knows...but it was weird with a capital W!

Finally it was time for our appointment. The therapist came out and commented on how much she liked his drawings. We went into an interview room where they had one of those one way mirrors just like on Law and Order (and I'm sure lots of other places, I've just never seen it IRL before). There were more therapists behind the mirror observing, and we were taken to meet them first. Then as the therapist asked questions, CW coloured on another chalkboard, coloured on paper, and then found a ball to play with. Granted, he couldn't sit still for 5 seconds, and mumbled short mostly "I don't know" answers to almost every question asked...but really? From looking at him you'd never think this was the same kid who's been combattive, defiant and getting into all kinds of trouble with hitting, biting and kicking, oh that and the rudeness and backtalk that is pretty much standard issue in our house.

We talked about the issues with the therapist and the reasons that we were there, and what we hoped to get out of this. But really? I have no idea how from seeing that interaction...there is any way they are going to see how much we need their help! But here's hoping they that since they know much more than I do...that they can read between the lines and know that we wouldn't be there unless things were much worse at other times! I just hope that they don't put him on an interminable wait list because I really want to help him the sooner, the better.

I fear for how this behaviour is beginning to effect him and his interactions with others. I worry about if he'll keep the friendships that he has if he keeps treating people the way he does. Anyway...right now it's a waiting game because the ball is in their court.

In the meantime, it was recommended that I read Your Defiant Child, and so far, it is describing CW to a T. I'm only through the first half of the book so far which describes why kids are sometimes defiant. The second half, which I hope to get through soon, is supposed to cover how to begin to change this behaviour for the better. I'm hoping that I can also get my husband to read this book because without his support, it ain't gonna fly. Also I hate always having to say "well the book said..." like I'm some kind of expert...he has to read it himself. Unfortunately...the huz doesn't like to read much ...but I'm working on him.

CW's 7th birthday party

2009-11-22T17:29:00.000-08:00

For CW's birthday this year, he decided he wanted to have a small celebration where he would have three of his best friends sleep over! Ooooh boy....I wasn't sure I was ready for that...but it certainly seemed better than the alternative...a loud, overstimulating bash with too many kids, too much sugar and way too much of well, everything for my little guy who tends to get....overwhelmed rather easily.

Given the recent events of late, where my almost 7 year old has gotten himself, and myself by osmosis...into trouble...I was rather leary of how this birthday party would go. Even though there were only 3 kids invited, there was still potential for disaster around every corner. We attempted to lay down the law prior to CW's friends' arrival. No fighting. No hitting. No biting. Share your toys. Let your friends go first. Be nice. If anything goes wrong tell an adult and again...no fighting. That one seems to be the kicker these days. Anyway...CW agreed to all the conditions...but several hours before the party....well, you could just feel the tension building...in CW...and myself as well, as party time drew closer.

When CW's friends arrived at the appointed hour, they quickly ran down to what was designated as their lair...the basement...where we had papered the wall for them to colour, put down mattresses and pillows on the floor for them to sleep on, and cleared anything of value out of harm's way. There was much screaming and mayhem, but we made sure it was all in fun by listening in through the baby monitor...I knew we had kept those things around for a reason. We also enjoyed some rather...colourful language that we had no idea our innocent boys had learned yet...as well as some other amusing snippets. I'd repeat them here, but well, I'm a little gun shy after recent events. Anyway...the boys seemed to be enjoying themselves.

After we let them get settled, we decided to get dinner and cake out of the way as early as possible so they could start the after dinner movie(s) at a reasonable hour. The boys indulged in chicken nuggets, hot dogs, smiley face fries, cucumbers (not many), fruit, (some), and chocolate milk. And of course dessert was the much anticipated rat cake shown above. CW had seen this in a Ratatouille cookbook a while back and has been begging me to make it for his birthday ever since. I did a trial run a while back so I could do a better job the second time around....and I think I did a pretty good job! It really looks like dirt! Especially when you spill it on the floor!!! But thankfully it tastes much better than dirt....a lot like fudgeos actually. One of the moms of the other boys at the party also had one of her friends make some delicious fondant rats for the cake as well which really added to the effect.

After the cake, we put the movie "UP" on for the boys and had some relative quiet to cleanup and get AK to bed before settleing in for a long night of bedtime policing....After the movie was over it was still relatively early so we decided to go for round 2 with a second movie. They voted for Star Wars which they all said they had seen before and had been cleared for the go ahead with all the moms previously, so on that went. But about halfway through that they started getting restless. We gave them some snacks, and then we got them ready for bed and gave them the option to watch the rest of the movie or talk quietly before going to sleep. They watched the movie...and then...well....the talking quietly turned into a little loudly...turned into yelling and screaming and running around...and sommersaults over the couch....

So we went and tried to get things under control. Unfortunately there were a few little spats lately. Thankfully the other boys at the party (unlike my son) seem to be able to simply walk away and go tell an adult when things get out of hand. So thankfully...that stopped things from getting TOO out of hand. Despite the little offences...I'm pretty confident that all the boys had a good time overall...but I have no doubt that they were all probably quite cranky today if CW's behaviour is any indication....although with him lately...well you can never be sure. The boys finally seemed to crash around 11pm. But thankfully we really didn't hear from them until about 7am...so as far as we can tell they did get SOME sleep....but who knows...if they were successful in keeping quiet...maybe they were up all night...we'll never know for sure!

Anyway...I'm hoping CW consider's his party a success. I also hope that he's feeling good about the experience overall despite his several meltdowns today probably as a result of lack of sleep last night! Happy birthday to my big boy! I hope it was a good one!

What's a mom not to do

2009-11-19T15:40:00.000-08:00

Apparently talk about my son's fights with another boy at school on my blog.

The other day I posted about an incident that occurred at my son's school, which I won't repeat again for fear of offending anyone AGAIN, but the post was at least I thought, pretty anonymous. I didn't mention the school's name, my child's name, or the other child's name, other than by first initials. It simply recounted my version of events as told to me by my son and others at the school, and I really didn't mean to offend anyone by it.

If I can't even put my interpretation of events on my blog, what's the point of having one? Not so sure anymore. It was supposed to be my own personal forum where I could vent my own feelings, thoughts and frustrations. My blog was also a place where on occasion I even received helpful support and advice from complete strangers online. I've connected with people through my blog and theirs who have similar issues with their kids and who I never would have found had this blog been password protected or not "out there" on the internet.

Anyway, somehow, and really I have no idea how, the mother of the child who was involved in the incident with my son read my blog. I'm still pretty hazy on how that even happened, because I don't even know this woman in real life. But I guess now it has really hit home, when you are on the net...you are everywhere. If someone wants to find you, they will. However...I still have no idea how this person stumbled upon my blog at all since I don't mention anyone by name there. Someone would have had to direct her to my blog for her to have known it even existed, let alone that it was about her son.

This person also expressed her concern that I was falsely labelling her child a troublemaker without thorough knowledge of the situation. Maybe so, although I find it hard to see how posting about a nameless child is considered labelling? As I said, I was simply recounting what I had heard. Again, aren't I allowed to do that on my own blog, without mentioning names? She accused me of pointing the finger at other children for my son's behaviour instead of doing something about it? Well clearly she doesn't read the whole blog because we are doing PLENTY about it to the best of our ability. And finally, WHO cares what one upset mom posts on her own blog WITHOUT MENTIONING anyone by name?

In any case, I've removed the offending post and I apologize if I've upset anyone. I hope I haven't made enemies out of all the moms at my kids' school because that's the last thing I want. It still bothers me that we live in times of such extreme "political correctness" that a mom can't even express herself on her own blog without even naming names, and get chastised for it by not only another mother but also by a person from the institution where my offspring spend their days.

The good news in all of this? I learned that not only does one mom apparently read my blog...I was actually informed that I have MORE readers! Hmmm maybe I should get one of those counter things that I have seen but don't know anything about?

So I'm pretty conflicted about all of this as you can probably tell. See, if people are reading my blog and commenting, well yeah, maybe I've offended someone, but also, I'd like to think, maybe there's someone out there having a difficult time with their 6 going on 7 year old and feels like they are at the end of their rope most days who might read my blog and think, I'm not alone. Maybe not. But I know I've done that while reading other mom blogs. Many times.

Where does that leave me and my blog? I don't know. Half of me thinks I'm just going to quit blogging because if I can't speak my own truth about how I see things here, then what's the point? The other half thinks I should just continue, but try to be even more anonymous so even school officials can't get upset about it....and the other half...or third or whatever...thinks I should just keep my head held high and continue doing what I'm doing.....but then, will I have the guts to show my face around the school anymore....or do the volunteer work that I've worked so hard to have the time to do anymore? Since I've gone back to school to allow me to spend more time with the kids, I guess that means door number three is out. So if you care....or if anyone's still reading...you are welcome to check back to see what I decide!

To the person who posted the supportive comment, I just want to say thanks. People like you are the reason I want to keep blogging.

Royal winter fair

2009-11-10T18:53:00.000-08:00

Today I joined my son's grade 2 class on a field trip to the Royal Agricultural Winter Fair in Toronto. Whew...I'm wiped out!!!

In the morning, I went to my son's class to find out the plan. I was assigned my son plus two other boys from the class as my group that I would be responsible for. Thankfully, my son's class had an abundance of parent volunteers so I would only need to watch out for three kids! I had no idea how much that would mean until we arrived at the fair...but boy was I thankful for our school's incredibly high level of parent involvement once we got there.

There wasn't enough room on the school bus for the parent volunteers, so another mom and I drove down together and fought traffic and shelled out an arm and a leg for parking, and arrived just in time as they were unloading the schoolbus. We got into our groups and they were off!!!

We saw cows and horses and chickens and geese and eggs! It was noisy!!! And we got to listen to comments about how "these city kids just don't know how to behave around animals" from griping farmers! We saw horses jumping and dogs jumping and learned about how oil is made and sunflowers are grown! It was an exciting day for all....myself included! Mostly because trying to keep an eye on three boys in a crowd that size in a venue that size with so much going on....well it was enough to make any mom crazy!

The scary thing though...is that we saw many school groups there, with whole classes of kids, with only one or two adults!!! I just don't know how they kept their groups together and got out of there without losing anyone!!! Is it because those kids are THAT much better behaved than our group?? I'd like to think not...but man...I don't know how those teachers did it!!! Again I was reminded of how lucky our school is that for every occasion we usually have so many volunteers, often more than the required amount, and that the parents are willing and able to be so involved in their kids' school. It also made me realize that well...I could NOT make it as a teacher!!! I just can't imagine trying to reign in that many kids and try to get them to listen to you, and respect you...and well just not kill you!!!

I may not have found out what my dream career is yet, but I'm working on it. The good news is I'm figuring out all kinds of things I'm glad I DIDN'T do with my life!

The things kids say

2009-11-10T18:47:00.000-08:00

As I look back on what often feels like drudgery in this period of my parenting existance....I want to be sure to remember the funny little things my kids say. It's hard because when they say them you laugh, and go "I have to remember that", but then if you don't write it down immediately, it's gone. But aha...I now have access to this blog via my Blackberry...why haven't I been live blogging them? So...gonna start trying harder at that...

Anyway...a couple of funnies to share...

Saturday was the huz's birthday. The kids made him cards but they both felt they wanted to give him something as well. First they suggested we go to the bank and use my bank card to get money so they could buy him a gift :) I suggested that maybe something home made would be better and that dad would like that so much more. Here's what they came up with:

CW: Dad, I want you to have this Pokemon card for your birthday!

Huz: Wow, CW, that is so nice of you! You know what buddy? I really appreciate that you wanted to give me this card, but I know how much you love your Pokemon cards and how much they mean to you, so you should keep it.

CW: Oh that's okay daddy. It's not my best card. I have lots more!!!

AK: Here daddy, I'm giving you some of my princess stickers for your birthday!

Huz: Thanks AK, that is so nice of you!

AK: I know daddy. But tomorrow, you have to give them back to me because it won't be your birthday anymore!!!

My kids are so kind and generous...I'm so proud :)

The H1N1 Vaccine saga

2009-10-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging this because maybe in 10 or 20 years I'll want to remember it. Not sure why, but seems like a good idea. Maybe because it just all happened so fast and no one knows yet if there will be any consequences. Maybe because all the hoopla will seem ridiculous after some real time has passed. Who knows.

Anyway, yesterday AK and I, and later the huz, lined up for an eternity for our H1N1 vaccines. I did not bring CW for a few reasons. First and foremost, because yesterday was supposed to be the day for only priority groups - those under 6 or people with chronic conditions, to get the shot. Also because CW and AK can't spend more than 30 seconds together without killing each other, so to save my sanity I thought it best to go through this ordeal with them separately. So the clinic was supposed to open at 12pm. So...um yeah...being reasonably intelligent, or so I thought, I decided I would not take AK out of school and I'd just pick her up after kindergarten at 11:15 and head over. So we arrived at the clinic at 11:30 am to find THOUSANDS of people lined up for the clinic that was not even open yet. The security guards were handing out forms to the people in line and telling them that the wait time was estimated to be 5-6 hours. I hoped they were exagerating so that people wouldn't riot if they didn't get in within an hour or two.

Thankfully, it was a mild day out. Thankfully also there were lots of friendly people in line around us. We all understood the limitations of children expected to wait patiently outside. We took turns "saving our spots" in line while families went inside to use the restrooms, get some food or warm up. After about 3 hours, I called the huz who had just gotten back into town from a business trip, and begged him to come keep us company. Thankfully he did. I also wanted him to come because I knew that if I wanted him to get his shot he better come now because knowing him he would not willingly subject himself to this waiting in line torture without us there. Also, apparently as it said on the back of the form, obesity, which the huz is slightly, qualifies you for being in the high risk category as does having asthma, which I do, so we would be able to get our shots too. Of course as I found out later....many of the people in line were just there as a result of the panic over not having enough of the vaccine to go around, and once you got to the front of the line they weren't even paying attention to why you were there, they just gave you the shot.

By the time we finally got our injections....just over 6 hours had passed. That security guard had been right on the money, no exageration. The kicker though, is that not only do I have to do this again next week go get CW his shot when it's supposedly open to the general population...and I can't fathom how busy it will be then with only a small number of clinics for our city of 3 million, but we also have to go back in 21 days for the 2nd dose for the kids!!! WTF? Wait...or do we....

Now there is some confusing info being issued by the WHO that says kids "may not need the 2nd does" Well do they or don't they? And when will they know for sure? And will the wait times be as crazy in 21 days when everyone who went in the first wave goes back for their 2nd dose? And if they later decide you don't need the 2nd dose but they're not sure, is there any harm in getting it anyway? And really...in a few years...will there be hidden side effects that no one knows about now because the vaccine was developed so quickly? And finally WHY oh WHY did they not anticipate that anyone in their right mind would want to get a vaccine that could save their life and PLAN to have more clinics, and more people giving out the shot in schools, daycares, nursery and preschools and all those other places that our little germ breeding children spread their mucus daily????

Some friends of mine went today for their shot because their daughter is 2 and tends to get sick a lot. Thankfully at least this time they started handing out numbers so you could leave and come back at an appointed time for your shot. Let's hope they can improve on that strategy further in the coming weeks. I did however get interviewed by our local news station which was kind of cool. And it was shown live! Good thing I was watching my language with AK standing right beside me!

Back to reality

2009-10-26T20:07:00.001-07:00

Today was my first day back to reality after an awesome yet brief escape to Las Vegas. To me, that is exactly what Las Vegas is. Yes it's consumerist and so over the top and crazy expensive and many other things I can't think of right now because I'm wiped....but it is so completely unreal! It's a fantasy world. I wish I'd coined the saying "it's Disneyland for adults" because truly that is what it is. The place is so completely overstimulating that you can't help but forget your day to day life almost completely! I think almost three days had passed before I had even a passing thought about how the kids were and what they might be doing! Ok maybe two days....but still...a great escape it was nonetheless! Even though we received regular text updates from our mothers who were watching the rugrats while we were away....it was like "thanks for the update" and then instantly we were back to our fantasy land where everything was bright and shiny and happy!

We arrived on Wednesday night, late but excited just to be in Sin City after so much waiting for the trip to arrive. We decided to rent a car this trip because it saves a lot in cab fares to and from the airport and we were able to do some off strip sightseeing as well. After a brief stop at Walgreens for some essentials...water and snacks for our room - to avoid paying the exorbitant prices of the minibar at our hotel, we checked in and were in our room by about midnight...3am Toronto time. I went to bed promptly....the huz contemplated playing some poker but decided against it.

Thursday we had booked appointments for massages at the spa at Ceasar's palace. We chose that one because it advertised an "ice room" with indoor snow! Our massages were heavenly and the ice room did not dissapoint...nor did the herbal steam room and roman bath style pools! After that we had lunch at a marvelous cafe called Serendipity 3. The food was great - gargantuan portions typical of Vegas but delicious nonetheless. Dessert was a sundae for the huz and a famous frozen hot chocolate for me...it was delicious but huge as well. After that the huz was getting the shakes from being in Vegas for almost a day and not doing any gambling yet :) So I let him have at it while I stopped back in the hotel room for a rest. That night we went to Margaritaville for dinner because the huz insisted that we needed to see the showgirl in bikini slide down the giant volcano into the giant margarita....yeah. But well, the food and atmosphere were fun so I didn't mind. After that we were pretty tired, well I was...so went to bed while the huz did some more late night gambling....which turned out to be our routine for the duration of the trip...I'd go to bed at a reasonable hour...and the huz would come in much much later! But thankfully...he's reasonably able to control his gambling addition....so he usually manages to quit before doing too much damage!

Friday we took the car out for some cruising around. We had wanted to see the Red Rock casino resort so we went and did that, and then while we were there we took a drive around Red Rock Canyon and even managed to get in a little hike! It was beautiful and we got to see some climbers scaling the red rocks too! If we had been dressed more appropriately I would have loved to do a more extensive hike around, but the huz was wearing sandals and also we didn't have enough water on us....a neccessity out there! After that we did some outlet mall shopping and also hit Fry's electronics...WOW....it's an electronics store the size of Walmart, complete with aisles of perfect geek snack foods for late night computing or programming or blogging or whatever. Just. Wow. What a place. IN.SANE! I got out of there with a back rest thing for $14,99 which surely would have been $60 at home and the huz got an earpiece for his mobile phone since now that it's the law to have handsfree when driving they're not all that easy to find in these parts. After that we got some frozen yogurt and headed back to the hotel. We hung out for a bit and then we had dinner reservations at Postrio - a Wolfgang Puck restaurant in the Venetian. Dinner was delicious. After that we thought we'd try something a little different so we headed to the Minus 5 lounge. It's a bar/lounge made entirely of ice! Even the glasses were ice! They give you parkas and gloves and booties too! Glad I wasn't wearing a skimpy dress or anything...although...to us Canucks...-5 really isn't that cold...heck it's almost that temp now here in Toronto right now in October :)...yeah that's -5 degrees C just in case any americans are reading this. After that ....as usual...went back to the hotel where the huz played more poker and I went to bed.

Saturday....our last full day in Vegas....got up and had a decadent breakfast at the Wynn brunch buffet. Every type of food imagineable could be had. I saw a woman walking around with some raspberries and I didn't see them on display so I asked one of the chefs...he produced a pint of raspberries and dumped the whole thing into a bowl and handed it to me!!! I just can't imagine how much food is wasted by the restaurants there because the quantites are so much more than anyone can handle....but I just had to try to put it out of my mind or I would have felt so guilty about even being there that I couldn't enjoy my vacation. I kept saying to my huz that if only we could agree on food it would make so much sense to share our meals...unfortunately that is rarely if ever the case. Anyway...after stuffing ourselves silly....the huz wanted to make sure he got in some more poker time it being our last day. On the way back to our hotel, we stopped by the "tickets for less" booth to see what shows were on that night and if we could get any deals. The huz had heard about this show "Believe" which was Kriss Angel's new Cirque du Soleil venture at the Luxor. They had tickets, we got them. Then I sent the huz off to hopefully win some money while I spent some shopping at the Fashion show Mall and the Forum Shops. After a brief stop in the room to rest up a bit...we went down to the MGM Grand to do the CSI Experience. It was overpriced...like most things in Vegas...but we got to pretend to investigate a crime and see evidence and clues etc and try to figure it all out. Unfortunately we were a bit rushed because we still needed to eat before seeing the show so we didn't really get to spend as much time there as we would have liked. After that we went to the Burger Bar for some gourmet burgers and fries. It was really good...well burgers and fries usually are...but these were worth the zillions of calories for sure. Then it was time to head to the Luxor for the show. We won a bit of money on roulette while we waited for it to be time to go in which was nice. The show....well....um...let's just say I wish I could get those two hours back in Vegas and do something else! BIZARRE!!! Also, having seen some of Kriss' stuff on TV...with amazing stunts and more....maybe our expectations were a bit high. It was some cliche'd magic tricks interspersed with some half assed cirque du soleil moves, with some creepy music and unfunny ugly clowns thrown in for good measure. But oh well....we did see a show...which everyone always asks you when you go to Vegas...if you saw a show. We did. Once again...back to the hotel, I went to bed and the huz gambled some more.

Sunday morning...sadness...last day in Vegas. Packed up, got some takeout food from the cafe and headed to the airport. Full flight but it went by quickly, save for a little turbulent moment over the grand canyon which I didn't enjoy much. Got home just in time to see the kids before the went to bed which was perfect. Perfect because it was just enough time to get lots of hugs and kisses and then put them to bed so we could ease into reality a little bit at a time.

Today was tough...but I do feel better in general about things after my respite. More in control. Like I can handle things, or at least hopefully find the help we need to get through the issues we're having with CW among other things. Once again I'm reminded of how incredibly lucky I am to have family nearby to help us get away once in a while. I really needed this! Thanks mom, dad, MIL, FIL, babysitters!

Off to Sin City

2009-10-21T14:07:00.001-07:00

In just over 3 hours....my DH and I are taking off for 4 days in Sin city!!! After the recent issues with CW, being overwhelmed by school and just life...I am soooo looking forward to the break. Although 4 days of ignoring my schoolwork probably won't do wonders for that overwhelmed feeling...I'm going to try not to think about that and relax anyway!

DH's mom is staying at our house for two nights and then my mom will be staying here for the weekend to look after the kids. Here's hoping that CW's worst behaviour is reserved for only me, which I have a feeling it is...so hopefully our mothers will have a relatively easy time of it while we are away!

As usual...I wrote a novel full of instructions detailing the kids routine...because being so transition averse...CW tends to do better when things are predictable. My hope is that even though we won't be here, the fact that they are staying in their own house and doing their usual activities will make our absence easier on them....and on the people looking after them as well! They probably won't even miss us at all....they'll be having so much fun and getting spoiled so much they won't want us to come back!

As we prepare to leave, I can't help but think how incredibly lucky we are to be able to take a child free vacation as we do at least once a year. I have lots of friends who never, or very rarely get to indulge in even a night away from their kids, nevermind four days. We are so fortunate to have trusted family living nearby who are willing and able to look after our kids so we can get a much needed break every so often. Right now, I feel like we really need it, and I can't imagine what it must be like for people who never actually can get away from their kids. As much as I love them, sometimes well...I just don't want to be around them :)

I have no doubt that the first few hours away from our kids will be spent talking about them, because that is what parents do when they're away from their kids, and which is what inevitably happens when we go out for just a date night or meal out on our own. That is why I feel it's so important to get away for a longer stretch...a night, or a few nights, because it takes the first many hours to get all the talking about the kids out of the way. It's only after that's done, that you can really focus on having fun together and remember what brought you together in the first place. After a few days of that, you feel energized and refreshed...and ready (well not always) to get back to reality and the rugrats!

And of course...when you're going to Vegas...there's always the slim to nonexistant...chance that you'll win big and never have to come back to reality :) Of course eventually we'd still have to come back to our kids...but our new reality might be a little easier :)

I don't know what to do with my son

2009-10-12T16:16:00.000-07:00

Help! I really don't know what to do. My son hates me. And right now...I kinda feel the same way about him. I of course will always LOVE him, but right now? I don't LIKE him at all. He's hurt my feelings as well as my body deliberately. He's told me several times today after the worst meltdowns that he will behave, but I have yet to see any of that promised good behaviour. I'm not even sure at this point that he knows what good behaviour is.

My husband says he's 7 years old and this is perfectly normal. Maybe. But I don't know. The amount of anger he has seems extreme. He says it's because of his sister. I get that he's jealous and wants more attention, what kid doesn't? But sometimes the evil behaviour comes completely out of the blue when she's not even within earshot. Just because of a simple word - no. To playing a certain game, having a certain toy, serving the wrong food, the list goes on and on. Timeouts don't work. Taking away toys doesn't even seem to work. Although so far I've only tried putting them into the basement as opposed to actually getting rid of them for good. That will be next. Tomorrow I'm thinking Goodwill will get a nice donation of over 6 years worth of accumulated toys and other junk. And our house will be a whole lot cleaner.

This coming Friday we have an appointment with a therapist who is supposed to be able to help in these situations. I really hope she can because I am at my whit's end. Right now I don't even want to be in the same room with him. I know deep down he's a good kid, who doesn't really want to hurt his mom. But how do I get that good kid to come out even when presented with a difficult situation? Or anything other than the word "yes" to whatever his little heart desires? Kids do need to learn that life isn't all sugarplums and roses. In fact, it's HARD! Damn hard. And sometimes it totally sucks. The sooner he learns that, the better off he'll be. Life isn't fun - actually MOST of the time it isn't fun at all. You have to make the best of it when you can, and accept all the rest for something you may or may not like.

He says he doesn't want to be part of our family anymore. Is that the right thing to do? Really? Can a 6 going on 7 year old actually mean that? Maybe we just need a break from each other? Unfortunately we're not going to get it anytime soon because my dear husband is away for the next three days. So I guess I will have to just deal...as usual....and maybe we'll just pretend that a certain member if the family isn't around. He can get a taste of what he's asked for and see if that is what he really wants.

Doomed to a life of brown bag lunches

2009-09-29T07:42:00.001-07:00

Up until this point, we have been blessed that our kids are in a fabulous before and after school program that also provides nutricious lunches. Other than for a few weeks while CW was at summer camp, I've managed to avoid the cursed brown bag, but those days are apparently over.

This morning, when we arrived at school, after an already tough drama ridden morning, the teacher announced happily (or so she thought) that today was pizza day! Well my kid must be the only freak of nature that despizes pizza....so a monster tantrum ensued. And then, while my son is in the throes of hysteria, the daycare director informed me that yesterday CW kicked a teacher and got sent to the Vice Principal's office!!

I really didn't know what to do at this point, so I sat down on a bench and tried to calm down while CW continued to scream and then AK decided to join in the fun and began flailing around on the floor upset by the change to her morning routine.

Apparently the daycare director noticed our distress and came over to help. She explained that CW really does not like the food served at lunch and suggested rather strongly that I begin making his lunch instead. Maybe if they didn't serve things like tofu ratatouille over brown rice the kids might be a little more receptive? I mean I totally get that kids should eat healthy food and all...but come on....couldn't they start with something a little less exotic?

I ran home and threw together a makeshift lunch out of whatever I had in the fridge, not being prepared for this today, and then went back to the school. I put the lunch in the fridge at his daycare, and ran home, hoping to finally get some work done. Then I realized, no one would know that I had brought a lunch for him, and he would no doubt have another fit if he thought he had to eat pizza. So back to the school I went, where I waited for him to come out for recess so I could explain that he now has a lunch from home in the fridge, but he's to eat it with the daycare kids. Finally I'm home and can do some work, of course I could resist blogging this, because well, I'm hoping that one day in the not too distant future I can read this and go "life is so much easier now than it was then" as I look back.

Anyway.....he's officially off the catered lunch program and on the brown bag program....or should I say the "green litterless nut free high fibre no junk food mom is gonna tear her hair out every night trying to think of what to put in tomorrow's lunchbag" program....ugh. I knew this day would come...I just hoped it would be when CW was old enough to make his own food!

That's what it's all about!

2009-09-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

Last night was not a good parenting experience for me. CW had the mother of all temper tantrums because I dared take some veggies off his sister's plate for him to eat since his meal at the cafe we were at didn't come with any. A horrible crime I know....but definitely not worthy of the wrath that was unleashed by my previously calm six year old. I took him outside and told him his behaviour was not acceptable and he had to stop. He proceeded to kick me, scream at me and bite me. He eventually calmed down and we returned to finish our meals.

I was so angry I gave him the silent treatment until we got home, because I feared if I talked to him I might say something regrettable. When we got in the house I immediately dragged him to his room, got him changed and told him he was going to bed. With that his wrath was unleashed again, and he began throwing books at toys at me deliberately aimed at my head. He bit and hit and kicked again. All that, while terrible, I can manage. But then he screamed at the top of his lungs "I wish you would die and go away forever. I feel like killing you right now". Now I do realize he's 6 and he doesn't really know exactly what he was saying, but the sentiment was there.

Not my most stellar parenting at this point, but I lost it. I told him the feeling was mutual and proceeded to take every. Single. Toy out of his room and threw it into the hallway. After he was asleep I took it all into the basement out of sight. This morning, I told him things are a changing. He needs to earn back my trust and respect and with that, some of the toys MAY come back. But I am DONE with this kind of behaviour. Is this what they call "tough love"? I don't know, but it is sure tough...on me anyway.

This morning, I think he really realized something was up though when his prized "go-gos" were missing from his backpack. Like all the toy removal from his room meant nothing (hmmm note to self...maybe he has so many toys he doesn't even care about them???) But the go-gos? Now he was mad again. Out came the insults. And back to his room he went until it was time to leave for school.

By dumb luck though, today, the day after the monster tantrum/toy removal episode...is the day that I had volunteered to help his class at their "fun run" fundraiser for the Children's Wish Foundation. Great...how to do it without acting like I'm rewarding all his bad behaviour? Well I stewed about it and almost bailed on the whole thing, but then I started thinking...is he just once again jealous of his sister and doing all this just to get my attention? Maybe that is what he really needs more than anything right now. So, I tried to push down all the negativity I was feeling towards my own son at the moment and be the best class volunteer ever. Not that I even really know what that is because I've done it oh...twice so far in my life. But thankfully that is about to change with my new circumstances...ie: being a student again...now that I have Oh so much free time...NOT...but I digress.

I volunteered. I warmed up, did jumping jacks with the class, and tried to treat CW the same way as all the other kids. Some of his clinginess came out, but I think his desire to look as cool and grown up as the other kids won out and he was relatively well behaved. And he was actually pleased that I was there. I wasn't sure how he'd feel about it since not 12 hours had passed since he told me to go away and die....but I guess kids forget more quickly than adults sometimes. I ran with the kids, encouraging them as much as I could, and while I did spend some time with CW I tried to spread it around a bit and help where I could. I even did 2 laps with them and earned 2 popsicle sticks.

At the end, when I'd run enough and was chatting with some other volunteers and teachers it hit me. This is why I'm doing this. This is why I made this life change. I need to be here for my kids. I need more face time with them, to be involved in their lives, even when they may or may not want me there. Even when I don't feel like seeing them because I'm angry and hurt and frustrated and feel like the worst parent in the world. That is what it's all about. And hopefully that is what will make a real difference to them in the long run.

My new life as a student

2009-09-22T12:28:00.000-07:00

It's the 3rd week of school and boy...it is hard getting back in the saddle! It's been 12 years since I graduated from university...and well...even longer since I've had to really use my brain. I'm not going to complain, because I realize that at this stage of my life, I'm SO fortunate to be able to go back to school and learn something new. It is challenging though....yet interesting too.

One of the things I've had to get used to is that 2 out of the 3 courses I'm currently enrolled in are strictly online. It is a bit strange trying to navigate the LMS - learning management system - and each week figure out what exactly I'm supposed to be doing. I wasted much too much time the first week just doing that instead of any actual work. But I think I've got that down now.

Also, for one of my courses, we have to write a short report, which doesn't worry me. What does worry me about it is the citing of references part. There's a whole guide to that and how to go about it, much of which is centred around quoting online references. When I went through school the first time...well most of our sources were actual books...and it seems a lot simpler to reference those than a website with many different authors and contributors. I'm sure I'll figure that out too eventually.

The reason for being in this course though...is the mastering of the steno machine. It is HARD with a capital H...and getting harder every day. I just have to keep telling myself that it look a long time to learn and master the skills required for regular typing...and I will be able to do this without thinking soon enough....I hope!

I've met some nice people in my one course that I do attend in person, and while I have to say, the class that I attend once a week doesn't seem all that useful...but it is nice to have some face time with other students and know that they are feeling the same way about the material. It's also interesting to talk to the others about why they are doing this program.....many of them like me, have kids and are looking for something new.

Two years seems like a long time...that's at least how long it's going to take me to finish this program. I know at the end I will say it flew by...and it is already moving pretty quickly...I do hope though, that while studying I can also do all the things I quit my job for...spending more time with the kids, volunteering at their school etc...and be more relaxed when my husband has to go away or work late. So far though...I've just been busy. Hopefully it's just a matter of getting used to it!

Life is about to get busy

2009-09-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to my new school where I will be starting classes next Tuesday. It was just a drop in day to meet the instructors and have some software installed on my laptop, but it made it real. I've been enjoying the last six weeks off, doing well, relatively little of anything productive, although it felt remarkably busy, since I left my job in advertising.

As of Tuesday I will be a student again. I knew it would be work...but it wasn't until I actually started looking at the course descriptions and the like that I started to realize how much work. There are research projects and assignments and tests OH MY!!! I've been there, done that all...but not for a loooong time....and I fear that my ability to spout copious amounts of BS while sounding reasonably intelligent...well may have gone the way of the dinosaur since having kids...well maybe not...anyone actually reading this blog can tell me the truth.

Anyway...I'm the proud owner of a new desk which sits conveniently in the living room where I can do my work. And it is also a place where the kids can use the computer which they already are almost as addicted to as their mother. CW is totally into Webkinz World, and AK loves Starfall. It's going to be hard to limit their screen time when it's right in front of their faces all the time....

AK has started her new daycare at her school, which is now at the same location as her brothers...so finally...one place to drop off and pick up both kids!!! She has been a bit clingy this week but I'm sure she will get used to it. Kindergarten starts next week, and she'll go for the mornings, and then stay in the school daycare for the remainder of the day. CW is starting grade two. I think he's excited about seeing his friends and meeting his new teacher....but a little apprehensive about the work. Maybe that is because everyone he tells that he's going into grade two says something to the effect of "that's a big year"??? Really? Who knew!

In addition to school...all the activities that go along with it will be cranking up again....swimming lessons, karate, dance class, trampoline, soccer...my head spins just thinking about it. Well that's assuming we get into them all....with their insane registration proceedings where the best options are gone within seconds of the website becoming active.....

When I think about everything I've been doing to keep busy these last weeks....and try to imagine adding school for myself and the kids...plus all their activities, and try to work in gym time and volunteering and everything else that will need to get done....well I'm just not sure how it's all going to work. It's going to require some extreme time management on my part. I really am starting to wonder how up until this point I actually managed a full time job as well! Thankfully....at least for now...I don't have to do that too!

End of summer, beginning of...school?

2009-08-27T17:37:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately...the end of summer is almost here. What makes that particularely unnerving this year is that, at least here in Toronto, it didn't actually even feel like summer at all until about mid August, and now, the signs that fall is arriving soon are upon us...and it is. So. Sad.

But...along with that...comes the new, exciting things. CW has his last day of camp tomorrow for the season. It's been a busy summer for him with Bayview Glen Day Camp, Harbourfront Sailing Camp, and lastly, Tennis camp. On monday, he goes back to his school daycare for a week of "Ranleigh Rascals "camp"" held at his school, for a week prior to actually starting grade 2!!! Grade 2!!! How did that happen? Didn't I just bring him home from the hospital yesterday??? When they say time starts to fly by faster the older you get, they weren't kidding. And certainly even more so once you become a parent.

Not only is CW starting grade 2, AK is starting junior kindergarten!!!! When did she get old enough to do that??? She's actually only just over 3 1/2....but since her birthday is Dec 16th, she just squeaked in for this September's start. Wow. Both my kids will be in school! AK seems ready though, albeit tiny. But mentally, she's been ready for a while I think. We have been going to the school to pick up CW for the past 2 years so she's already familiar with the place so I don't think the adjustment will be that hard for her. But my baby starting kindergarten? My last child leaving her cosy daycare and going off to join the big kids? Wow! Not sure I'm ready for that one...

And finally...I'm also starting school the same day as my kids! Thankfully...I will only have to actually GO to school one day a week, with the rest of the work being done online...but it will still be an adjustment for me. Scheduling time for schoolwork, kids and housework...not sure how I will fit it all in, considering I've been keeping myself quite busy this past 6 weeks quite easily without the schoolwork part thankyouverymuch! Anyway...I'm sure it will all work out as we all adjust to our new roles. At least let's hope so!

Old people forget quickly

2009-08-19T14:30:00.000-07:00

My son CW was over at my mom's place for a sleepover at Grandma's house. This morning, he would not behave and was having a tantrum. My mom tried to calm him down but he wouldn't listen or do anything she asked so she finally lost it and started saying things like "if you behave this way you won't be able to visit or play with the dog or do things with grandma".

As soon as CW finished screaming he looked at her and calmly said "that's okay, it will be okay because old people forget quickly" ! What a little monkey! My mom almost forgot instantly what she was mad about because she was trying so hard not to burst into laughter!!!
Sent from my Blackberry

Kids and amusement parks

2009-08-03T12:23:00.001-07:00

We just got home from Centreville, a small local amusement park. It is small, but just the right size for our 6 and 3 year olds. The day started out well, but soon deteriorated as the kids realized they would have to wait for things, especially the pony ride which had all of two ponies in use.

By lunchtime, the kids were seriously melting down, as were us parents. AK decided she wanted to go on the "waterslide" AKA log ride with big drop. We were hesitant but decided if she wanted to go we'd take her, how scary could it be? There were babies on it. Fearless babies apparently!

AK was traumatized and wanted to go home immediately. CW was quick to join in and it quickly became a loud chorus of whining. And we hadn't even sat down for lunch yet. On a good day restaurant meals with our kids are not easy....but at this point it was definitely a bad idea. We had to improvise ordering for AK because she wouldn't stop crying long enough to articulate her food choice.

Finally our drinks arrived. AK took a long drink. Magically! She stopped crying! Turns out? Poor kid was thirsty! Parenthood award goes to? Duh....who forgets to hydrate their kids on a sunny 30 degree day? Oops! Mental note for next time? Bring water!
Kathy McPherson
mcpherson_kathy@hotmail.com
lifewithtwointo.blogspot.com
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

Bagged lunches

2009-07-27T18:57:00.000-07:00

My oldest child, CW is six and a half years old, and my youngest is three and a half, and up to this point, I've been fortunate enough to have never have had to make a brown bag lunch for either of my kids. So far at school, CW has been in a fabulous before and after school program which provides lunch, and AK's daycare does as well. Of course, they both complain about it on occasion, but at least I know that they are both getting a balanced mid day meal - that I don't have to prepare - with the added bonus that I stress less about creating an elaborate evening meal because I know they've had a good lunch - or at least have THE OPPORTUNITY to eat a good lunch - whether or not they actually consume all of said lunch is debatable - but then - that's the part you can't really control as a parent anyway.

For the past four weeks, CW has been at a wonderful day camp - that also provides lunch for ALL the campers! Their schtick is that they have many campers with peanut allergies so by controlling ALL the food served and eaten at camp they can claim to be an "allergy safe" environment. I LOVE that because there is no other option - so the kids can't even complain about it because there is no alternative. Unfortunately though, for the next two weeks, he's at a new camp. One I picked for him because it is supposed to be fabulous and he gets to learn to sail...a wonderful opportunity for a 6 year old. Unfortunately for me though, the catered lunch program is optional. Which means, if I put my son on it, I'd never hear the end of it because he'd no doubt see all the other kids with their "grass is greener" bagged lunches from home. So I caved and said I'd make his lunch, but just for this camp.

As such, I'm determined to make him see that when mom provides lunch, it won't be all cheese on wonderbread goodness that he's ahem...come to associate with mom made sandwiches on occasion (wonder how that happened?)...So I got whole grain bread, grilled chicken, lots of fruits and veggies and other goodies to fill his lunch with wholesomeness and fibre. Not only will he eat - or at least have the OPPORTUNITY to eat good food...but he'll also (hopefully) realize that maybe having mom make lunches isn't all it's cracked up to be, and he'll stop complaining about the catered lunch program at school...here's hoping.

Day 1 - today, he got a turkey and cheese sandwich on 12 grain bread, blueberries and cherries, cucumbers and carrots, with apple juice and a granola bar and raisins as a snack. The report when he got home was "I didn't really like the seeds in the bread", and half the fruit and all the carrots came home...so he ate...a few cucumbers, a granola bar...half a sandwich and a few berries....I guess not too bad for a 6 year old?

Day 2 - tomorrow - I've packed in his lunch...cut up grilled chicken, whole wheat crackers, light cheese cubes, cucumbers, carrots and an apple, with a fruit rollup and some chocolate "Pocky" sticks for a treat

As for Day 3..well what can I say? I've already run out of ideas! I want it to be healthy, and just a little bit out of his comfort zone so maybe he'll actually try some new foods while I'm not looking over his shoulder biting my tongue to try to get him to be a little more adventurous? But I also want to provide just enough of things I know he HAS EATEN at some point, even if not necessarily his favourites...so that he doesn't starve all afternoon! But then, you know what all the pediatricians say right - kids won't STARVE themselves...but does that rule only apply to babies who have not learned the ways of manipulating their parents through food? Who knows....

We'll see what comes home in the lunch bag tomorrow...

Garbage and other randomness

2009-07-19T17:27:00.000-07:00

We just returned home from a weekend at my parents cottage - affectionately named Casa Barco after their late Portuguese water dog Barco.

The kids (and we) all love it there, but it does tend to be exhausting. It is getting better as the kids grow, but something about not being in your own home...is just always..more of a challenge with young kids. Not to mention the fact that they don't seem to sleep as well, or nearly enough when we are there.

Yesterday AK woke up at 3AM!!! And my mom, bless her heart, who sleeps in the room right next to her...let her get in bed with her and snuggle...and basically NOT go back to sleep after that!!! So when I got up at 7am, she was still raring to go. My mom was not, and went back to bed...however...by 10am...she was a cranky mess and going further downhill by the second. I tried putting her in her bed to try to get her to nap, only, she's technically given up her nap so didn't want to, so I did the only other logical thing - took her out for a car ride which is almost guarenteed to put a tired kid out like a light. It did work...eventually...after I was tired of driving and almost back at the cottage. So she slept for all of ten minutes. I had hoped that once I pulled into the driveway I could turn off the car and just chill for a while while she napped...only...the second I turned off the car....a little voice from the back says "we're back!!". Yup...back. Ugh...so needless to say...someone was a little tired and not at her best for the remainder of the day.

Despite that...we still had a great weekend with some friends, some who stayed the whole weekend and others who just dropped by for dinner. Also despite the totally UN-summer-like temperatures that we have been blessed with this July. I mean...I know this is Canada and all, but you should still not require a fleece jacket and pants to be warm in the SUMMERTIME!!!

And finally...the garbage. It's everywhere...as our city is in the midst of a 4 week old garbage strike. Well not JUST garbage, municipal workers. I admit I don't really know ALL the GORY details...but the gist of it is that the union believes that workers should be able to BANK their sick days, and then cash them out when they retire!!! I apologize in case by chance anyone reading this belongs to that or any other union...but COME ON!!! Seriously...does anyone really get bankable sick days? That's insane and completely unrealistic especially in today's tough economic climate. Also, it's not just garbage (even though that is the part that is really affecting us personally), but the hardest hit are those who really rely on city run programs like city run camps and pools that are closed, as well as parks that are overrun with trash. Get a grip people. And come pick up our garbage because the whole city is starting to stink.

Gonna get fit!

2009-07-16T09:35:00.000-07:00

Or at least try anyway...until I fall off the bandwagon as usual :). No THIS time I'm really going to do it.

Went to the gym this morning and had a consultation with a trainer. I'm going back for 2 more sessions with her next week after she has designed "the program" and then I'll be on my own. Wish me luck.

But seriously? I've never been able to become one of those people who likes to excercise. Maybe because I never last long enough to see any real results or feel better. Let's hope this time is it. Maybe, thanks to my new lifestyle...I will be able to find the time to make this a real part of my life this time. Here's hoping!

On another note, the blogosphere seems alive with talk of BlogHer 2009. I have heard all about this in past years that I've been reading blogs, and it all looks like a lot of fun. I mean...a bunch of women who blog all getting together to learn and party and just meet each other? What could be better. But I've never put much thought into actually attempting to go. How does one go? Can you just buy tickets and show up? And if I did that would people be all "you're not a real blogger what are you doing here?" because you know...my presence here is somewhat sporadic at best...

So who knows...maybe I'll think more seriously about actually attending one day. I guess for now I'll have to read all about it later!

A life of leisure

2009-07-13T17:02:00.000-07:00

Friday was my last day at my old job at an ad agency. I start school on September 8th. So from now until then....I'm free! If money were no object...oh the things I could do with this time!!! But even still....it's amazing how easy it is to fill one's days when not working. Also amazing is how much faster a day spent not working seems to go by then one spent at a job.

I have a long list of projects I'm hoping to complete during this brief hiatus from reality. Most of these projects involve getting my house organized....decluttering, moving things around, putting away old and outgrown kids clothing among other things. I also hope to visit the gym and do more excercise while I have the time. Hopefully that it will become part of my routine that I will be able to continue once I have school to contend with as well. Crossing my fingers on that one because I've never really been able to last long with a consitent excercise plan. Also, I'd love to reconnect with some old friends that I haven't had much time with in recent months or even years. And also I hope to throw in a little R and R when I have the chance.

My first day off today was spent taking the kids to their daycare, where the bus then picks up CW for camp. After that, I came home briefly, put away some laundry and then met some other moms for coffee, which then turned into a trip to Mastermind where we all purchased some workbooks...because we are all equally concerned about our kids forgetting everything they learned over the summer. Then I came home for some lunch and more organizing. Went through CW's clothes and put some away that were too small and could be handed down, and another pile to be donated. After that I indulged in some soap opera watching....and then believe it or not...it was already time to pick up the kids and start dinner!

I just can't believe how quickly the day came and went. I could quite easily get used to this life. I'm determined to enjoy this time as much as I can...because it will be over in a blink.

Getting high tech

2009-07-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

Pardon my lateness to this mobile blogging thing! I just figured out that you can blog via email on a mobile device like a Blackberry!

Wow, it just occurred to me that this must be how all the bloggers who seem able to remember all the tinyest details about their goings on must be doing it....they are writing about it in REAL TIME! Or maybe they just have better a better memory than I do....that is probably it because I can't fathom typing any post of reasonable length on this crackberry....but hey, it is good to know it's possible just in case I have one of those "I so have to blog this" moments while out of the house!
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

Change is in the air

2009-06-30T17:54:00.000-07:00

Now that it's out there I can blog about it. In my Gen X mind...this is big...a career change. Although some may say (even some that I really think are brilliant) that the term "career change" is something that to those who are "currant" is really not that big a deal. But to me? Well, it's a big deal, and I'm talking about it at last. I've known for a while that I don't want to do this forever. But it look quite a bit of back and forthing, research and well, bravado that I couldn't always muster to be able to get to this point.

Almost two weeks ago, I gave my notice to my current employer - an ad agency, where I have worked on and off for almost 10 years! Although the company's math skillz are sorely lacking and I only recently received my one an only bonus for - Congratulations! 5 years of service!!! Oh right...the contract part doesn't count...and neither does that maternity leave....oh well...let's let bygones be bygones...not that I'm bitter or anything, especially since not ONCE have I ever received either a performance revue NOR a raise during my tenure there! Right. Moving on.

I have one week left, and doing my best not to mentally check out early...and try to part ways on good terms...lest I should ever need employment in this field again....but here's hoping that this is me kissing the ad biz goodbye for good. On to bigger and better things...greener pastures...and hopefully more time to stop and smell those roses.

After July 10, I will have some time to do all those things that I've been putting off for eons. Many of which involve spending more time with my kids doing things other than dragging them around on errands. Also...organizing my house and purging all the clutter that is currently clogging up every spare nook and cranny in our not so spacious urban home.

Then in September...I'm going to school part time to learn a new proffession....I'm going to be learning to be a court reporter here!!! And now for something completely different! The program I'm enrolled in starting Sept 8 is going to take two years. I will only have to actully GO to the school one night a week, but they estimate 17-20 hours minimum of schoolwork each week to complete the coursework and be employable in two years. I'm hoping to be able to do this, while still spending more time with my kids. In the long run, I'm hoping that this is a career that will allow me more flexibility than my current vocation in advertising. There are lots of different applications for the skills I will learn and many different paths to choose from after completion of the program.

For once, I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself in my thinking so much that I scare myself. I am making a vow to try to enjoy the moments, especially those with my kids. Concentrate on schoolwork when I'm doing it and focus on my kids when I'm with them and not just rush from one task to the next on autopilot. Yes, money may be tight for a while and that might be hard, but I'm hoping it's a sacrifice that will be well worth the extra time with my kids that I've never had before. And thankfully I have a wonderfully supportive family and husband that are willing to help both financially and emotionally with pretty much any choice I make as long as I've done my homework.

While no one can ever be one hundred percent sure of anything, I think I've done as much research as possible. I've done surveys to see if my aptitudes fit the characteristics needed for this proffession. I've talked to people in the field to see what their lives are like. I've done a lot of research into the longevity of this career and other possible applications of the skills. Let's just hope it's all it's cracked up to be. And well, even if it's not - the worst that can happen is I suffer through two years of study, while enjoying two years of being more involved in my childrens' lives. I think it's a pretty win-win situation either way.

A week of proud moments

2009-06-15T18:03:00.000-07:00

This week was an exciting one for our family.

On Thursday June 11, my father received an honorary doctorate from Ryerson University for his life's work in the field of journalism. Webcast link here (see 9:30am on June 11, and fast forward through about 38 minutes to the introduction by his friend Joe). He spoke brilliantly at the convocation ceremony and also entertained a tough crowd at a delightful dinner in his honour later that evening. I was and am so proud of my dad. I can only hope to be able to make him even a tenth as proud of me as I am of him. Not only did he achieve tremendous success in his field, but he seemed to have enjoyed every minute of it. What was also amazing is that at the dinner held on the eve of my dad's convocation, there were so many other accomplished and well known journalists in attendance in his honour. Wow.

On Saturday, my daughter AK was in her first ever dance recital. It was held at Hart House at the University of Toronto. She strutted her stuff, dressed as a ladybug...and if I may say, the cutest little ladybug I've ever seen. What's more, she was so excited by the idea of being on stage and being watched by a crowd of people that she is still talking nonstop about the experience four days later. What really made me proud though, was her ability to go from her tiny little dance class in a room at Just Ducky, to a dark stage that she had never seen in front of an audience full of people, without any trouble...at least none that we could see!

And my son CW? Well tonight he did something he's never done before. After being exceptionally mean to his sister all through dinner and repeatedly saying that he wished she'd "go away forever", he read her two bedtime stories....and then proceeded to knock her over with a pillow. Now there's something to be proud of.

Nightmare on my street

2009-06-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

Last night I was awakened by cries of "mommy, mommy" at midnight from CW's room. Not uncommon at all because I often get called in to fix blankets, replace animals that have fallen on the floor or the like. But when I went in last night, CW was sitting up on his bed rod straight with his hands on his chest. When I asked him what was wrong he said (with much drama) "mommy, my heart is racing and I feel like I'm going to die"!!! What 6 year old says that? Where did he even hear those words?

I gave him a hug and assured him that he must have just had a nightmare and would be fine. He laid down and I stayed with him for a few minutes until he fell asleep again. I went back to bed, knowing that he was fine and just being dramatic, but of course my little mommy voice was thinking "what if he really knows what that means and is having some kind of panic attack"?

Of course I had a hard time falling back asleep after that with a million thoughts running through my head. Firstly, has he been watching shows/movies that are too adult for him where he is hearing people thinking they are dying and having racing hearts? And then my mind moved to "is my child under too much stress or pressure and is he really anxious about something?" Back to..I need to spend more time with him and let him just chill out more often with no expectations....

Eventually I fell asleep again and he woke up this morning not even remembering the incident. But I remember it...and funny as it sounds now, I hope I don't hear him saying anything like that again anytime soon!

My girls' weekend

2009-05-30T16:57:00.000-07:00

In years past if someone said they were having a girls' weekend, images of a group of girlfriends away somewhere fun together would pop into my head. Relaxing, hanging out, maybe going to a spa or partying or lying on a beach or just being...with no responsibility that is. But now, well, times have changed. I'm having a girls' weekend....but this time it involves just me and my 3 year old daughter AK...and I couldn't have asked for anything better.

Oh sure, I still long for a reality free weekend of fun and adult conversation....but also, you can't beat sharing your individed attention with your second born who doesn't seem to get that enough, and when she does, she just revels in it.

We got up this morning and lounged around for a bit, ate some fruit and got dressed. Then we decided to check out a new bakery that just opened in our neighbourhood. Granted, the selection there wasn't great, and the service was even worse, but the croissants were delicious and the company was even better. We enjoyed our pastries, and then it was time for AK's dance class. Off we went to her dance studio where she changed into her adorable pink tutu and went into her class, where I got to watch on the hidden camera that they have in the waiting area. A brilliant idea because it's like being a fly on the wall - they don't even know you are watching.

After dance class, we went to get her a new passport photo since her passport is expiring soon. Then we went home and picked up our car, which we then drove to go visit a friend and her little boy. They live in an adorable house in a part of town that I love and I hadn't seen her in a long time and never met her little guy, so it was great to catch up. We hung out there and had lunch, and then it was time to go.

We said our goodbyes and then headed to the mall to do some shopping. I had a wedding gift and some birthday gifts to buy and also needed a few things at the drugstore, so we took care of that, and then came home. On the way home we got a text message from another friend who was around and decided to come for a visit. We had a lovely chat and then we walked her part of the way home, and then decided to stop in at a new diner that also just opened in our neighbourhood. That ended up being great and it was lovely to have another girls' only meal.

After dinner we came home and after giving AK a quick bath it was time for her to go to bed. I almost didn't want to put her to bed because it's been such a lovely day. No tantrums or fits or potty accidents or arguing or whining (well only a minimal amount). I do love having my two kids and I wouldn't trade either of them for anything, but there's nothing like some concentrated girl time.

Snippet of funny to remember

2009-05-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

Walking home from school with CW yesterday we saw a potato chip truck go by.

CW: Why are the chips called "Old Outch"
Me: That'd be Old Dutch...but good reading buddy!

CW: Why do they call them Old Dutch?
Me: I don't know, maybe we can look it up on the internet...
CW: yeah, we can go to www.olddutch.com!

How in the world does a 6 year old know that???? It's great that he does...because obviously his generation is a lot more computer savvy than I thought! But I was pretty surprised...he doesn't spend much time on the computer at home....

Now I feel old!

Don't talk to strangers

2009-05-21T07:58:00.000-07:00

Here in Toronto, a horrible event was reported all over the news. A 28 year old man and his 18 year old girlfriend confessed to kidnapping an 8 year old girl. Sickening. It's unfathomable to me that anyone would do something like that, much less a seemingly normal looking young couple.

After hearing about this, I can't help but think, what am I as a parent supposed to do to protect my kids from such atrocities? Apparently many parents out there are having these thoughts because the internets are abuzz with parenting tips about what you can do. Experts and parents alike are all sharing as much helpful advice as they can to hopefully keep all our children safe.

There is a lot of great advice out there and I will certainly try it all if there's any chance it will protect my kids from predators, but the scary reality is, you can do all of this and more, and there are still scary evil people out there who will find a way to get what they want. And also, in teaching my kids not to talk to strangers, am I setting them up for a life of fear and paranoia, instead of the carefree and happy existance that is supposed to be childhood? How do you teach preschoolers to be cautious and wary, yet not overzealous? I guess you don't, you teach them the rules until one day they are mature enough to figure out they gray areas between black and white, good and evil using their own common sense.

I am trying to see horrible tragedy as one more opportunity to count my blessings. Be extra greatful that I have two happy, healthy kids. And take the time to enjoy every moment that I'm lucky enough to get to spend with them, because you just never know what tomorrow may bring.

Life lessons of softball

2009-05-13T07:14:00.000-07:00

Last night my son CW had his weekly softball game. It's only his 3rd game. He played T-ball last year but that wasn't quite the same. All the kids were little. None of them really knew how to play.

Now? He's the smallest kid on the team by far physically, and also the youngest. The team is for kids born in 2001 and 2002....so since he was born in November 2002, there are kids on the team who are almost a full two years older than him. And taller. And know how to play softball, and throw and catch.

We've practiced with him, and tried to explain that some of the kids have been playing for a lot longer and that is why they are so good. And he seemed to be okay with that. He's been holding his own pretty well, occasionally getting hits, and occasionally stopping the ball...though he's almost always placed in the outfield. But last night, he struck out. And was SO SAD. He cried. And not just like his frequent trantrum I'm not getting what I want crying, real so sad crocodile tears crying. My dad was with him and tried to console him, but was really worried about how upset he was by this.

I guess this is one of the things that organized sports are supposed to teach our kids. You try your best, but if you fail, it's nothing to get upset about. The huz tried telling him that he strikes out sometimes when he plays baseball too. We are hoping to have him watch the huz's game so he can see for himself that it happens to everyone.

I hope our son can learn this lesson as early in life as possible. Losing is okay when you've tried. And you can try to do better next time, but don't get so upset about it. Sometimes it's hard not to cry, I know that from experience as I wear my emotions pretty visibly I think. Maybe that's where it comes from.

Solo parenting

2009-05-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

My husband and his mom are in NYC this weekend for a long anticipated getaway. My MIL had never been there, and my husband had not been for a while and wanted to show her the great city....so as a Christmas, birthday and mother's day gift...we gave her the weekend.....and my husband got to go along for the ride! I am all for it, except for the fact that I'm left here to fend for myself with the kids all weekend.

Don't get me wrong...I know there are lots of moms who do this regularely...with husbands away a lot or out of the picture completely....but it is HARD work! I supposed maybe if you are used to it and have a regular routine and lots of options in mind of things to do to keep the little monkeys from climbing the walls...maybe it wouldn't seem quite so difficult? Or maybe it would and others are just better at dealing with the insanity than I am!

Anyway...huz left yesterday morning....and will be back late tomorrow night....and I'm counting the hours. Today we went to a friend's son's birthday party at Airzone...there were bouncy castles and video games and overstimulation...well at least for me anyway. The kids had fun, but by the time we got out of there I had a raging headache and they were hyped up on sugar and noise and just crazed little monsters. I was hoping at least one of them would crash on the long car ride home and get a nap in....but I wasn't quite that lucky. So when we got home, I did what any good mom does when she doesn't know what to do with her kids...pop in a video, throw them some snacks....and go lie down for a rest after popping a couple Tylenol.

That lasted oh...about 10 minutes before the inevitable fighting about who is sitting where, who took who's toy/snack/cup/made a mess/pushed me started and I had to go referee...so much for my rest. After the movie we decided to get outside and go for a walk. It was cloudy but not raining and I hoped the rain would hold out long enough for us to get a walk in.....but by the time I hearded the troops outside....the rain had started. After 30 minutes of squablling over I don't wanna wear that coat/shoes/shirt and can I bring my crayon/pony/colouring book.....we couldn't even go out because it was pouring rain...so instead...we hopped in the car. No destination in mind...just something to pass the time until dinner....

Which...thanks to a traffic jam....we managed to go only a few blocks from home before we had to turn back because it was getting late...but of course AK was out cold by the time we got home. And when she wakes up from a nap...generally...not a happy camper. Got her out of the car, inside and onto the couch where I once again succumbed to the lure of a little TV to get dinner made...only this time AK wasn't having it...oh she wanted to watch TV...but she also wanted cuddles at the same time. Don't get my wrong..I love cuddles....but generally when I cave in to the TV it's usually cause I need to get something done!!!

Anyway...I managed....but I'm exhausted....and get to look forward to....doing it again tomorrow!!!

CW has a nervous tick

2009-04-22T12:27:00.000-07:00

For the past week or so...CW has been exhibiting some strange behaviour. He'll be breathing normally, and then all of a sudden take a big gasp, like he's coming up for air after being underwater. The first few times he did it, I was concerned that maybe he was having some kind of allergy or asthma attack or something. But he seemed absolutely fine, running around, not acting short of breath or anything...

So we watched and waited, and then today we finally decided to take him to the doctor. Part of me was really worried that maybe there was something wrong with him and we'd put off taking him to get checked out for so long. But then he didn't SEEM sick at all. We even debated taking him to a walk in clinic over the weekend, but then we decided it would be better to take him to his own pediatrician who knows all his history etc.

Anyway, today the huz took him to the doctor. The doctor listened to his chest etc, and then pretty quickly said "this is pretty common in kids his age" What? Apparently, it's some kind of nervous "tick", like stuttering, or lip licking, or nose picking or other annoying yet relatively harmless behaviours. He might be doing it as a result of some kind of stress or just being tired or well, just being six years old. Who knew? I'm glad we decided to take him to a pediatrician because an adult doctor might not have spotted this so easily and been as able to quickly rule out anything serious.

Apparently it usually goes away on it's own, like a phase, and there's nothing we can do about it. He also said not to call attention to it because that will just make him do it more, especially in an attention seeking kid like ours. What I can't figure out is, what's stressing him out? He seems to love school, has lots of friends and seems to be a pretty happy kid. From what I can tell he's sleeping well and enough. How do I get in his head and figure out what is causing this? The only thing I can see that really bugs him is his little sister...and that's something that he's going to have to learn to live with...nervous tick or not.